"O-okay." She said quietly, her face tinged red from all the painful tears. "I love you." She immediately started towards her burnt birth pack, wishing to see the memories she had left behind. As if they were still there, but she at least wanted to visit the den she had once lived in. She couldn't believe it was over. Her whole life was over. She had nothing to live for. She couldn't believe that after these long years, she had lost him. She never even had him. Her face heated and began to swell as she hurried herself, trying to stop herself from crying. There was nothing else to do. She didn't want to do anything more. She wanted to give up, and end this misery she was living in. It pained her every time she imagined his face, imagined being so happy the time she gave birth. Being so happy, that she had found the one for her. So, utterly, happy, he had understood the horrible mistake she made. But he didn't. She was stupid, to ever think that she'd have him the rest of her life. She was even surprised as to why she found this surprising. After she had told him the truth, she knew the end was near. However, there was a part of her that said 'no, he'll understand'. She wasn't mad at him though, he had every right. "I'll miss you." She whispered into the wind as her lip quivered. She couldn't hold it any longer, and she collapsed in tears. It burned. She felt like she was choking. This couldn't be real, she refused to believe it. She loved Efraksher and their family more than anything else in this entire universe. But she had been shunned. He'll be shaking me gently, telling me to wake up. He'll be standing over me in the den, greeting me with a smile. If I'd only wake up from this horrible nightmare. She told herself. But this was no nightmare. This was real life. She couldn't believe it. She was at a loss for words, she couldn't speak. All she could do was weep, shake softly, and beg Mother moon. "Please, please, let me change my mistakes. Don't let me lose him. I don't want to. I want to spend my life with him. I want to raise our family with him. Please. Or, at least kill me to end my misery." She whispered, her sobs echoing throughout the forest. "Help me, Mom. What have I done?" She didn't know what to do. Her throat was sore and her face was bright red, cheeks swelled. All their precious memories ran through her head and she tried to clear them away, as they had brought her even more pain. She looked in Efraksher's direction, watching the figure in the distance, and whispered quietly to him. "Wake me up from this Nightmare. Please." This was unlike any other pain she had felt. Breaking her legs was nothing compared to this. She was scared, wet, and frightened. she shivered and whined, blinking away more tears. Her eyelids became heavy from all the crying, but she could not sleep. Her eyes were locked on Efrak, and for a moment, she even smiled. But it didn't last long. Her head dropped and she began to weep once more, trying to stop herself from doing so. Or at least be quiet. She kept thinking of ways to fix this. But she had used everything she could. All she could do was hope he would come running over, and it would be fixed. Ha! fat chance. It wasn't going to happen. This wasn't like the other fights they had. those were small. This was beyond repair. She had officially lost him. there wasn't anything she could do about it. She couldn't interpret her sadness in words. Though however, it did feel as if her head had been scooped hollow, while she was still awake. She was depressed. There was that saying- 'Don't be sad because it ended, smile because it happened', but how would that help? They didn't understand how much Efrak meant to her. The saying wouldn't help her at all. In fact, it just made her even more sad. Sad because it ended. She wanted to cuddle with her parents, but they were long gone by now. She was alone. She was even more saddened, now. It wasn't just because she was alone, but it was because she was a loner before she even met Efraksher, thinking the same things. I'll die alone, I'll never gain a friend. But she didn't want another brute, she wanted Him. And she would make any sacrifice to have him back at her side, exchanging licks as they smiled and laughed. Cut off a toe? Done. Cut off an entire leg? Get me something sharp, I'll do it in a heartbeat if it means he'll be back. She was choking on her own tears, and she nearly puked. "Why?" She asked. But she couldn't blame anything on him. The wrong was on her, and she wasn't afraid to admit it. "Come back, you mean the world to me." She whispered. But that was just selfish. She wanted to at least say bye to her pups, though. She needed to. Reluctantly, she got up and slowly walked, shaking out her pelt and the tears clinging to her cheek tufts. "Rush?" She called softly. "Shalow, where are you guys?" She said, slightly louder. "Come here. Mommy wants you." Her legs were still wobbly, but they were getting better. More memories washed in and she nearly collapsed in tears, once more. She started to cry. Just to think, hours before she was actually thinking about asking if he wanted another litter.
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