My Maria
Don't you know I've come a long long way
I been longin' to see her when she's around she takes my blues away
Sweet Maria
The sunlight surely hurts my eyes
I'm a lonely dreamer on a highway in the skies
-My Maria by Brooks & Dunn
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Well, people have been reminding me of this since I was very, very, very...very... little, that I am short. I have been called many variations of things that mean short. Pip Squeak is probably the most commonly used one. But I have never let them get to me, personally I could care less what people say to me, I know I'm short, and I am perfectly okay with that. I just where six inch heels to make me seem taller. I am 5 foot nothing, literally I rest on exactly five feet. So with an added six inches from heels I am still under the average height for a woman my age, and it sucks, I think I'm shrinking. I would be okay if I at least stood a few inches taller, maybe 5'3 would be satisfaction enough, but, I'm not. So I have to suffer with being short.
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Well, I'm a weird girl when it comes to style, I am a very girly girl one minute, and a very casual girl the next minutes. I like wearing dresses and skirts. Things that get me noticed and things that allow people to call me pretty. I like looking pretty, and I will do anything to get that compliment. When it comes to fabrics and things ike that though, I fall victim to hating the color pink. I can't even begin to describe how much, sure I have pink clothes here and there. But it is my least favourite color. My usual everyday outfit is a short black pencil skirt and a nice classy shirt, or a bikini. I am often in a bikini, I love them. Bikini's are almost as important to me as sunglasses, but you will hardly ever see me without sunglasses, if you ever see me without sunglasses that is.
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Well, I suffer from depression on and off, and anorexia on and off. Plus I have anxeity problems and a little bit of OCD... Plus I genuinely hate people. I know, I know, a girl like me with depression, 'I wouldn't know depression if it bit me on the a**' yadda yadda yadda, its all the same things that people say. But I do have depression, my depression is caused by an imbalance of a certain chemical in my brain. I regulate and balance the depression out with medication, but thanks to this imbalance, I will always be on the medication, unless I want to suffer depression. The anorexia is because I never have time to eat, petty excuse, I am aware. But thats the excuse I am going with for now. The anxiety, well they say thats genetic, really I think its their way of telling me to calm down, shut up, and stop having panic attacks. But, what do they know?
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Well.. My view on the world is Who Cares? I'll be dead before global warming is a big problem to begin with so I fail to see why I should worry about it. I do my part to save the world by recy;ing. If you expect me to do more then it sucks to be you. Because I am perfectly content with everything now. The worls spins around in a circle, it rotates around a big hot ball of light, the world is a figure of science, it can not be controled by political dictators. So I choose not to p*ss the world off, because the way I see it, if people can beleive in god and that sort of thing, then I will stay strong to the bullsh*t idea that the world will come and bite us on the a** someday.
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When something appeals to her me I take it, no matter what it is I have her fun with it and then throw it aside. Thats where my flirty side comes in. I will flirt with a guy no matter who he may have in his arms, every man is my target and when a girlfriend starts to tell me to back off it only draws me closer to the prey. I alway takes down my prey though, whether its my sexy charm or self confidence that win or just her natural looks and thick accent. I will however admit that someday I will settle down... or so hopes. I really just want a normal everyday relationship. Someone to love and will love me back, someone who is willing to get past all the secrets and lies that build up my character. And someone who will be the type of man who will fight for me.
But despite dreams of one day meeting a decent man and settling down with him my mind is always still going to be sheltered and hard to reach. I don't trust people with any infomration, even my name and age are things I will gradually release over time. I know first hand what it is like to be hurt, hurt physically, hurt emotionally, and to be hurt mentally. No matter what happens to me though I still will never give up on the hope that someday I will find a man that will accepts all of the very tall and hard to pass barriers. And there are alot of barriers, I'm is like an onion you have to peel back layer by layer but there is a hell of a lot of layers to go through. If you hurt me in any way shape or form the layers practially fill back up and will shut you out. I have never been the type to offer second chances, I allow you to prove yourself worthy and depending on how worthy I beleive you are I may be willing to give you a shot, whether that be as a lover or as a friend.
Then again aside from the barriers I also shelter a rough and rigid edge. I am feisty and a royal pain in the a**. I have studied most things in life and has an excellent knowledge in most things, including human behaviour, my training as an assassin enabled me to profile a person on the spot. But thats not all, I can practically recite any histiorical event off by heart, its just a gift. I have a special ability not many have, I never forget anything. And thanks to that amazing talent I'm brilliant. But don't over estimate the goodness of this strength, it is also a tragedy, being unable to forget anything meaning every little detail and fact every seen or heard I will always remmeber, the good... and the bad... but also the horrible. I try my hardest to keep my mind wandering in most areas of social interaction and try not to observe unless required and often fleas bad situations I don't need to be in. I knows my strengths and weaknesses and use both to my best advantage meanwhile taking advantage of the target at hand. I am trained to see all things as a threat until proven otherwise and will not bow my head down in shame. Holding my head high and proud no matter how ashamed I may be and lying smoothly and swiftly without even a catch of a breath, every little skill and strength I can acquire is perfect for me.
I also have a talent for some normal human activitys though, passions lie with art and music, as well as dance. I can dance gracefully across a dance floor memorizing and replaying every little dance step with complete and utter accuracy just like I can guide my hand along a canvas or peice of paper as I draw or paint. My art work always ends up being a remarkable peice but never do anything with them, always stores them in the attic for safe keeping, to some day admire the scene that is caught in my head as is stuck drawing it. Art is something father had always pushed me to get into, even though it was my idea to have a passion for art he figured that if I wanted to do art he mine as well coordinate it as a technique in life somehow, but I didn't care, as long as it meant she got to do something I loved and put every bit of passion and energy into it I was fine. Dance was the same though, I loved dancing because it brought out my inner princess side, I had always been the type of person to admire beauty so dance was another brilliant way to exhibit beauty, I'm an elegant dancer and used that to advantage, and was pleased when father approved telling me it would help her with her balance and agility.
Well I am a girl with an attitude as people often tell me. I have little interest in doing things that I don't want to do, and I likely won't do it if I don't want to do it. My attention span is very small, if something doesn't seem to automatically catch my interest I tend to struggle to pay attention. But I am a multitasker, a very good one at that, I can do lots of things at once. My brain is good at multitasking, I also have amazing hand eye coordination that I always seem to put to the test. But despite my attitude towards doing things, I also have an attitude towards people, and one that I have no interest in changing. See, I'll let you in on a little secret, I don't like poeple. And when people do something that I dislike I make them aware of it, I am a very opinionated person, I have an opinion. But I can keep it to myself depending on the subject, I know when to open my mouth, and when it is better to bite my tongue. Sometimes I draw blood from biting my tongue so hard. Butwhen it comes down to it I am a girl with an attitude and I am very proud of the attitude I pack with me.
I'm violent and moody, a very unpredictable girl. You never know what to expect, one minute I can be all lollipops and rainbows, the next I can be all grim reaper and death. But for the most part my average mood is just a stubborn sarcastic cranky girl with a big mouth and no sense of self control. people inform me that I am blunt and obnoxious at time. The tell me I need to grow up, and I am well aware of that. But for my age I am mature. I have made something of myself, which is more then all the other people I graduated highschool with can probably say. The day I give a rats a** is the day hell freezes over. And since I don't believe in heaven and hell, that could take a really long time, so I wouldn't hold your breath.
Now when it comes to the typical personality traits I am kind and sweet when I am around people who I like. I have a very low tolerance for bullsh*t normally but the tolerance goes up if I like you. I am capable of being a very good and considerate friend. But don't expect me to give sympathy or empathy. Another trait I have is a sense of humour, I can take a joke, and tell a joke. I love comedy, laughing is something that I enjoy very much. I especially love sarcasm, it brightens my mood on a day when it is very dark and dreary.
My grandfather followed my parents to Italy and cornered my father, telling him to leave my mother. My father refused and it led to a war between our two families. One mothers side had a hate for my father and his family, and my fathers side had a hate for my mothers family. They loved my mother though.
My father and mother got married when she was seven months pregnant with me. The wedding was a typical wedding bell hell. Fights broke out, all hell broke loose with the two families together. Apparently my fathers side and my mothers side actually tried to kill eachother a few times, but its a very touchy subject and I don't know much about it. When I was born my mother was only eight months pregnant, the labour was hard on her but she made it threw it, and I was born, and so was a surprisedsecond child that they hadn't need expecting. My twin sister Mary. My parents took me and Mary home, they told me ever since the day we were born I was beating Mary up. Which is probably true, we still can't be in the same room without me trying to kill her.
My child hood was very difficuly, my father expected me to be his ideal child. And I just couldn't do it, he tried to get me involved in so many things. He trained me for so many things as well. I was always studying, he was constantly telling me that my ability to remember everything was a gift I was taking for granted and that I need to smarten up and use my knowledge. I shouldn't be surprised that he wasn't pleased with my choice to become an artist over some award winning scientist he probably dreamed of me some day becoming. But I think he is just happy that I pursued what I want.
Look at me now, I was raised right, by my two loving parents, I didn't have a rough childhood, any issue I had as I child I brought upon myself and it turned into a big deal. Now I am eigtheen my mother is 36, my father 37. And I am perfectly happy with the life I have, I have a lot of money, inheritance from both families, money I have raised, trut fund, my parents wealth. My sisters share also went to me. I was mommy and addy's favourite little daughter according to her, so she denied wanting anything from them.
by ingénue » Fri Nov 16, 2012 9:12 am 
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