If that's the case, then i'll resubmit my form. Just let me know if i'm not welcome, and i'll get lost. ^_^
F u l l N a m e :: "I was given the name Kester Kevine Greyson"
N i c k n a m e :: "Just call me Kess, Kester if you must but i
don't mind much."
G e n d e r :: "I'm a girl of course!"
D a t e of B i r t h :: "I was born on May 15th 1995,
so that makes me 17 years young."
E y e s :: Deep, Chocolate Brown.
W e i g h t :: 110 lbs.
H e i g h t :: 5"4
G a r m e n t s :: "I wear weathered
jeans, sweat shirts and modest
clothing. Band shirts, Marvel shirts, Any
and all flats. I just
can't wear heels- i practically
fall on my face every time that
i wear them. "
E t h n i c i t y :: "I'm part Korean,
part English, and i also have a
little Native American in me as well.
Yes, i'm a mutt."
W e i g h t :: 110 lbs.
H e i g h t :: 5"4
G a r m e n t s :: "I wear weathered
jeans, sweat shirts and modest
clothing. Band shirts, Marvel shirts, Any
and all flats. I just
can't wear heels- i practically
fall on my face every time that
i wear them. "
E t h n i c i t y :: "I'm part Korean,
part English, and i also have a
little Native American in me as well.
Yes, i'm a mutt."

I ' m a n O p e n B o o k :: Once upon a time, there lived a girl from a small town.
To explain her, what she looked like and who she was;
It'd take a long time. She was never the kind of girl to
stand out in the crowd. No. In fact, she was the girl who
was misplaced, and often times misjudged. She was different
from the other girls. Hiding beneath the crevice of a hoodie,
residing within the protection of unrevealing, blue jeans.
Taking comfort in the distance of others, but at the same time,
enjoying their company. Mixed feelings, and disorganized priorities.
But she was also independent and thoughtful. To say that she
was graceful, or perfect. That would be an overstatement.
Her fancy footing, never got her anywhere special.
And she could never quite get the best grades in school,
although they were always passing grades.
She was honest, and pretty nice, and she had a
heart of gold too. Though she often portrayed a tough guy,
who cared little for the world. While it was true,
that she could take quite a lot of harassment.
She didn't get offended easily. But one thing that she
did not stand for, was watching- or even hearing about;
her friends being bullied. In any way. You could smear
her name with acrylic, trample her with cinder blocks,
and drag her around the track on reins. But if you laid
one breath on her colleagues- then you'd have another
thing coming. And she wouldn't hesitate to kick your teeth in.
It's complicated- to say whether she was popular, or not.
Because while she didn't have any problems with the
students in school, she was never part of the 'In Crowd'.
She had her own group of friends, and they had their own
social status. This girl felt popular just with those people.
She didn't need to know every single person who'd ever
lived in a small town. She was happy with just that.
To be honest- it didn't take much to please her.
She was happy with the smallest things. Easily excited.
But not so much that it was terribly unrealistic, and annoying.
She made friends easily, although it was usually out of clumsy
accidents on her part. And then for some reason, people seemed
to like her. Maybe it was her attitude, the way she presented her self,
her appearance even? But there was something about her,
that a lot of people liked. Something that i still can't seem to
put my finger on, to this day.
When she first met new people, she was extremely mousy and shy.
She could be cold and distant. She would stutter and blush.
Laugh uncontrollably, or just give you the death stare.
Regardless of her relationship status towards an acquaintance.
Of how she felt, or what her recent thoughts had been.
It was all, out of her control. Quite the mask of multiple
personalities. Although, this was mainly just the case with the
opposite sex. Yes. It took a bit longer then others, for her to
fully grasp the subject. And grow comfortable enough to begin
casual conversation. It took a little more thought, inspiration,
courage, and strength- for this girl to pronounce even a single
letter. Because she was so afraid of making a complete idiot of
herself. Which she often did, without even saying a word.
This is where, she was often misjudged. Some might take
her for a prude fool, someone who was incredibly sheltered
and down right gullible. I guess, they were half right. Because,
let's face it. She was so terribly, socially awkward- that no one
compared to her lack of charisma. She could never defend herself
in an argument for very long, not without breaking down and
crying or yelling. She was bad at lying, acting, and pretend.
And she was so inept; when it came to slang, the modern world,
and the entertainment business.
She was no beauty guru either. Fashion, was like April Fool's day.
Make up, was like dressing for the circus. And putting her hair up
any special way, was like asking her to prepare for D-day. No, she
was quite a stranger to anything having to do with such nonsense.
Of course, she'd attempted to adapt to these changes. It seemed like,
she'd just run out of time. While most girls were practicing their french braids,
and checking their lipstick- she was chasing butterflies. Running
alongside dreams, and catching her delicate skin against blackberry briars.
Fishing in the rivers for Steelhead and Salmon. Pouncing atop crawdads in
the creek bed, and with no hesitation- though they grappled to her flesh.
But still, she did not flinch at this pain. She may have been born in a city,
but that was so far away now. She was raised within a forest.
Exploring the lush jungles of fern and moss, each day. Trekking
across mud and steep hills, and climbing the tallest trees. Feasting
on huckleberry bushes, and staining her mouth with violet blood as
she pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth- and crushed
those swelling, ripe, black berries and thistle berries and salmon
berries. Singing to the green rivers, and the otters that swam threw
it's deep abyss. The cows that were scattered along the ranches and fields,
the great stags that breathed this coastal air. The coyotes that sang
alongside the girl. The minnows that shied away from the shadows,
and the grasshoppers that kicked up the leaves and nibbled on the grass.
She would catch slugs, and watch the effects of the sun on their bodies.
Sleep with dirt under her finger nails. And continue on the next day,
without brushing her long mane of wild hair.
Dark waves, that cascaded past her stomach. And at that time,
it was just one length. No layers, or bangs. Just long, sweeping,
brown hair. And eyes that were like hazel nuts. A deep maplewood,
chocolate and flecks of caramel and gold that had been left in a fire,
for too long. Skin, that was so pale. Like the sky in the early morning,
before time could manage to descend unto noon. She was so small.
And at birth, she was nearly labeled as pre-mature. As her own mother
had been. Her mother, could dress her little daughter into doll clothes even.
Those memories, are so old now though. It was so long ago,
that she last felt the comfort of her mother's protective arms. Long since her
father had bothered to make his presence known. Since the days had been
more warm then cool. No. Now, the sun's light yielded through a grey cloak
of cumulus. It was so cold and wet. Humid and moist. Days of shine,
when the sun had finally prevailed over the moon- those days were
worshipped. But not by her. She preferred Winter to Summer. Night to day.
Cold to warm. Wet to dry. Windy, to stillness. And so, you could say
that little Oregon, was perfect for her. Some parts of it at least.
All of the times that she attempted to put her hair into a braid,
she ended up getting it into knots. Every time she tried to wear
something fashionable, she looked like Pippy Longstockings.
And each time she wanted to put on make up, she'd end up looking
like a freaking Drag queen. So she ended up settling for those
unrevealing jeans, the deep hoodie, and the porcelain countenance.
No make up, no nothing. Nothing but her pure, true, face.
I imagined that it saved her from a bad reputation and many other days of lethargy.
Above anything else, she loved to dream. And each night,
she welcomed the sleep. The sleep that brought her imaginations
to life. Except when they didn't… Because something they didn't.
Sometimes, she would wake up. And she'd be so afraid; because
bad dreams have a thing for sneaking up on when you least expect it.
One of her greatest fears, was waking up alone after a nightmare.
You know the aftermath, of when you wake up from a dream?
The dead silence, the darkness. How hard it is, to grasp that you
live here and now. That it was all just a terrible, terrible dream.
And it feels like there's no one there, no one in the whole world who
can understand just how scared you are. No one cares. No one knows.
No one. That's what she's afraid of. Because she knows that once she
wakes up, no one will care. They won't be there to hold her. To love her.
To tell her, that it was only a dream. And that they were still there.
Beside her. That this was real. So she fell asleep, grasping her pillow
close to her chest. Pretending it was someone who cared.
And she knew that when she woke up, the pillow would still be there.
The pillow wouldn't leave her. Not like so many others before in her life.
So many people…Yes. She was lonely. But it wasn't as torturous as you
might think. She quite enjoyed the loneliness. That fact that she was able
to think for herself, and breathe by herself. She didn't have to worry
about coming up with a witty comeback. She just had the wind,
the stars, and her independence. That was enough. The smallest
pleasures in life, were enough for her.
Her past is much too long and windy, to take into account
at the moment. Truth is, there are so many twists and turns that
happen in life. There are right and left turns, and sharp corners.
And you never know where they're gonna take you. Sometimes,
you end up in big accidents- and it takes a long time to get back
on your feet. So that you can continue taking the risks.
And with her; she had been in so many accidents,
that you wouldn't believe she could still keep going.
But she wasn't the kind of girl to live in the past.
She didn't want anyone's pity. A lot of people became
friends with her out of it- and she hated that. Pity.
She would look to be someone worthwhile. But not out of pity.
She hoped, dreamed, and strived, to be someone great.
A scientist, or a teacher. Someone her mother would be proud of.
Someone. She would be someone.
She was headstrong, and impatient.
Stubborn, and she had this temper- like a bull's. Worse, even. Yes.
She was quite the piece of work. Reckless, but brave.
And she only ever showed this side of hers, towards the people
that she thought she could trust. Once she opened up, you'd meet
this wild, sad, little girl. A cheeky, crazy, brave, little girl.
A soldier, who pretended to be strong. But secretly, she wanted
so badly- to just let go. Because, she feared that if she stopped
thinking for one second… That all of that happiness just might
slip through her fingers like sand. Like dust, and change, and
time. She was fun, and silly- some would say that she was arrogant,
or ignorant. Bordering on vain, and narcissistic. Because she tried to
hide the fact that she could be self conscious too.
People who didn't know her well enough, would that she
was prefect. I don't think that she was narcissistic though-
that's not who she is. That's not the kind of
girl, that she ever wanted to be. I think that her friends were just playing
around with their new choice of vocabulary… I hope it. But i can't really
vouch for her properly, because it's just my word against theirs'.
Because i am her. Because this girl that i've spent the last few minutes
sweeping over, defines me in ever way. She is the armor, the mirror, the
Tempurpedic mattress. She is me. I am the reclusive, selfish, brave,
socially awkward, clumsy, sad, little girl.
Is it that hard to believe? That i seriously have this much time on
my hands? to write 10+ freaking paragraphs on myself. But i tried
my best to explain my imperfections. I'm really not all that great of
a person. I'm not saying that i'm comparable to a skinhead. But,
i'm no Kate Middleton either. I make so many mistakes, that
sometimes it hurts to admit them. And one more thing. This story,
isn't a sob story about how pathetic my life is- was. I'm not here to
reveal my scars, or the last time i got a D on a report card. This isn't
some 'Days or Our Lives' crap. I just, wanted to write you a story.
Because i thought that you'd enjoy it. Now, Kester is a night owl, she can stay up as
long as you want- but in the mornings she just can't get up. It's next to
impossible getting her up, and if you do then she's moody and grumpy.
She loves the idea of stepping out of her comfort zone but fears it at the
same time.
Her dislikes? Wet floors, spiders, the sound of metal against metal,
roller coasters, and this exclusive list of foods: Olives, Mushrooms,
Peppers, and Onions. She's not picky by any means, if she was forced to
eat those foods she would but since civilization is still intact she sticks
to not eating them. And her likes? She has a guilty pleasure every once
in a while for cheesy romance films but prefers not admitting it. She
loves watching scary movies, watching the snow fall or the rain fall while
she's wrapped up in a blanket with a warm cup of tea in her hands. Cozy. She
loves the look of the mountains and the trees in the distance. The reflection
of the water and the smell of rain or sea salt. She loves a variety of foods,
though she gets embarrassed easily when she's eating because she's just so clumsy.
Kester always seems to be dropping her food right before she's about to pop it in
her mouth. Her favorite thing to eat is a tough one, tacos is probably the answer.
But she also enjoys anything from the Olive Garden (especially teramisu),
steak, and especially asian foods. Her favorite place to
be is the beach on any day. Collecting agates and sea shells, digging for clams
or pumping up crawdad from the sand shooters Kester's grand father has.
Her grandmother calls her a waterdog since she could literally live in the water
if she wanted to.
I ' m a C l o s e d B o o k :: I don't really have a history worth repeating,
it was mostly normal though there were some bumps along the rode.
There was no lantern lighting my way through the path, not the
whole way at least. But it here it goes... I was born in Yuba City,
California. My Mom and Dad had been married for about two years,
and after leaving the air force- my Dad left for Pennsylvania.
Where his parents owned a huge farm. He was going to take over
the family business. I mean, the farm was worth millions-
who would pass that up? So who could blame him for leaving?
And my Mom, followed him. Moving across the country for him.
Now, at the time- neither of them had a well-paying job. But,
they were young too. They had their entire lives ahead of them.
My Mom was only 22 when she had me. So, the possibilities
of a good job were endless. They had it all. The cute, little,
house. Located in the little town, Red Lion.
I can just barely remember the buildings. The metal, red, lion.
Painted in crimson. And a fearless look in it's lifeless eyes.
Two statues of it, stood on either side of the entrance to city hall.
Er- the town center. And it was as if they guarded the building.
Anyways, my parents were ready to face the world-
because they were together. They loved each other,
and that's all that mattered. Sounds sweet, hunh?
Well, all of that good luck- it wouldn't last for long.
No, happy endings never do. Do they? It's just... It's not fair.
So, my Dad and my Mom and myself, we moved down to Pennsylvania.
And we settled into a little house of our own,
just a few minutes from the farm. My Dad started working
with my Grandpa. And they worked together for a few months.
But then, they had this fight. They never thought alike.
My Dad wanted to industrialize the farm. He wanted everything
to be done with huge machines. He wanted to make it all a big business,
a franchise, a corporation. My Grandpa, wanted to continue with
the old ways. He wanted to hand clean the beans and the vegetables.
And he wanted to make the food they sold, completely hand made
and traditional. Not the processed junk. But the two couldn't meet
half way. And they had a big falling out. One day, they were very close.
And the next day- my Dad went home. And he didn't come down
to the farm much after that. One morning, he just sort of-
hit his head? Well he must have, because all i remember-
was everything going down hill from there.
My Dad started to borrow money, that he couldn't pay back.
And for the next four years, i only ever remembered him
sleeping on the moss-green couch. He started smoking,
and drinking. And i can only remember him down in the basement.
Feet propped up on his desk, leaning back at a 70 degree angle.
A cigarette in his left hand, and the other controlling the mouse
to an ancient computer. From which he played Free Cell and
Poker and Solitaire. There were cigarette butts on the ground
and overflowing from his ash can. And there were unpaid bills
and eviction notices, in piles, all over the room- up to the ceiling.
Stuffed within file cabinets and littering the floor. Crumpled up
pieces of paper, and old business ideas. The smell of smoke,
the smell of papers and ink, the smell of rain water. And the
smell of old books too.
Sometimes, the power would go off. Sometimes,
my Mom and i would take showers, in the public locker rooms,
where my Mom worked- because we hadn't paid the water bills,
or the electric bills. I would wear ragged hand-me-downs from
GoodWill- like over-alls, and spaghetti-stained t-shirts.
But i'm not complaining about that. I was happy with a shower,
no matter where it came from. No matter how... Shameful.
I could live without electricity- it was better then no roof over
my head, right? And i didn't care that i had to wear the most
cheap clothes. It was better then no clothes. Right? Well-
the most vivid memories that come to mind, from when i was little...
My parents. Cedar arch-frame. The one that lead into the kitchen.
The floor was a sickly white color, that was almost green.
Like a hint of mint. Cedar-colored, yellow, planks for the hard-
wood flooring. Mom on the left side of the arch. Dad on the right.
Yelling. Cursing. Hitting. And i would try to break up the arguments.
The fights. I'd literally, stan in the middle. And i'd yell right
alongside them. But they... They never heard me. No one,
could hear me. I felt so alone. And it was so frustrating.
No one listened to me. Why didn't they listen? So then,
i tried a new tactic. I would stand there, and i would scream
until my throat would burst. Until it felt like someone had taken
a cheese grader to my esophagus. And i would stamp my feet.
"Stop! Stop! STOP!" Sometimes, i would grow so tired-
that i would just whisper. But that never helped anything either.
And then, i would set my feet firmly on the ground.
And i would hit my parents. I would punch my Dad's stomach,
and i would try to push him away. I would try to push my
Mom away too. But, a seven-year-old girl... She doesn't have
much strength against a 30-year-old man. Or a 27-year-old woman.
It was like, i was invisible. Like no one knew, that i existed.
And it was... Terrible. No matter what i did- they never saw me.
Never, acknowledged me. I was alone. And it was almost a relief,
when they both turned to me, and told me to go to me room.
So i would stand in my room, and just try to distract myself.
Though i couldn't help myself from crying. Sometimes,
i would curl up into a little ball- and cry myself to sleep.
Because it felt like the bed would protect me. The blankets,
were like warm arms. Embracing me. The pillow,
was like someone who heard my cries. And wiped those
tears away. And the warmth, was as good as a beating heart.
The height from the floor- was just like a skyscraper.
And it kept me safe from the Boogie Man and all of the bad people.
My Dad had a bad temper. And that's probably where i got mine.
But i was always better at controlling it then him. One time,
he became angry with me, because i lost a game of Connect-
Four on Christmas. I'd been just five-years-old. I was playing
against my Mom. All i was interested in, was playing with the
pretty black and red chips. My Mom told me, that when she was
pregnant with me- my Dad punched her. In the stomach.
They'd gotten into an argument, about whether or not he had
the right to invite his friends over without asking her. And he
told her, that she was embarrassing him.
That she wasn't being a good wife. My Mom forgave him.
And ya' know what? I forgave him too. I just can't help
myself from loving him. If i don't love him, then who will?
You, have people out there. People who would remember you
if you died. People who think about you, worry about you,
care about you. I do too. But my Dad, who does he have?
No one. No one but me. One out of seven billion people in
this world. And i don't think i can find it in myself,
to leave him to the dogs. Most kids who's parents get divorced,
they at least get to see their father once a day. Once a week.
Once a month. Once a year. Or every holiday.
Their Dads remember their birthdays. And he keeps a promise.
But i never got that. One time, my Dad promised he'd come
to my Soccer game. The game had been on my birthday,
and he'd called me a week in advance... He never showed up.
No. He disappeared for a year.
Even if he told me how much of an embarrassment i was to the
family for getting bad grades. Even if he slapped me around a little.
And even if he was never a good father. He still borrows money today.
He's not good for much. And he's so pathetic. So sad.
The only thing he's good at, it schmoozing his way out of trouble,
and running. He's really good at running. And lying too.
He doesn't call much. No He chooses when he wants to be a Dad.
One day, my Mom had had enough of the lies, the cheating, the debt,
the physical and the emotional abuse. And so, she divorced him.
I admire her, for her strength. And we moved across the country,
to Oregon. Where i grew up. I was just seven at the time.
When my parent's divorced. And well, we made a new life.
My Mom and me. And it feels like the down hill era has come to a halt.
Like it's all, finally, over.




O r i e n t a t i o n :: I'm straight, thank you.
S w a y i n g F e e l i n g s :: "I'm not really up to picking favorites all of the time. But i'll admit that when i first heard of One Direction, the whole thing seemed stupid. They all looked like a bunch of twelve-year-old boys with music that the radio seriously over played. But then i got to know them from watching Youtube, and as far as i can see they seem like a bunch of normal- your average bunch of guys. And i hope that it's not just a facade they put up. I don't think it is. Anyways, i don't really have any hardcore feelings for anyone."
T a l e n t s :: "Music might as well by a substitute for the blood that pumps my heart, for as long as i can remember i was surrounded by music and it has always been apart of my life. No matter what dream i chased music was always int he back of my mind. All i want to do is sing, and i know that i'm not bad. People seem to think that i'm good so- i hope that they're right. And that it's not just my imagination. Because i love singing."
T h e m e S o n g ::
- Love the Way you Lie Part lll. by Skylar Grey
- I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace
- Innocent by Taylor Swift
S t a t u s :: "Single- but i'm not very good at talking to other guys.I start to stutter, sometimes i giggle uncontrollably (even if i don't have feelings for them), and then sometimes i just spazz out."
P a s t L o v e r s :: "No, i seem to always mess up before anything good can happen."
W h a t I L o o k F o r :: "Hmm, someone who will promise to hold me i guess. Someone that is thoughtful and can trust me, someone that is loyal and faithful. One kiss could last an eternity, just promise that you'll never let go of me. :) "
W h a t ' s L e f t :: "There isn't much left to tell, i'm a girl- and that should explain it all i hope."




















