New Rule: DNI (Do Not Interact) Lists are Banned

[Highland]

Personally I don’t care that this is a rule considering I don’t have a DNI list- I mean honestly what really is the point of it? It’s the internet. You’re gonna see some things you don’t like regardless if you have a DNI list or not.

As an adult I can promise you that you’re gonna see and deal with many things in your life that you’re not gonna like. It’s just the way it is. But being petty and passive aggressive towards cs staff and arguing with people in the thread? Come on guys… you gotta remember that this is just a game. There’s no reason to be rude. If the new rule seriously bothers you that much then just… don’t play the game? Obviously there’s a reason they made this rule, just respect it.

[Geralt&Ciri<3]

I’m autistic and a little confused.
Do the things mentioned in my signature count as DNI lists.

Thank you.

[shinyarcs]

i read thru almost this entire thread out of curiosity and honestly ive seen so much victim-blaming its really disheartening . i agree that a lot of the times dni lists are kinda redundant and putting your triggers on it can indeed lead to evil people using that information to hurt you, my issue is just people blaming others for being triggered by specific media or fandoms in the first place. no i do not "need to leave the internet and get professional help" i already have years ago and seeing people who are into the specific obscure game my abuser and i bonded over still triggers my ptsd severely , and im sure this is the same case with many others as well . ppl should be allowed to curate their internet experience .... but idk whatever thats just my 2 cents i dont ever use this site anywayz

[kamado.]

oof, really feeling my age here. thank you for this decision, staff: it’s important to keep oneself safe online, but DNIs open more doors than they close in my experience. oversharing is a real problem these days … & it can lead to some very terrible things.

[Libelle]

Dear staff, in order to understand the rules, and in order to be able to fully participate in the discussion, I need your help! Thank you very much in advance!

(1) Please explain and give an example of what would be considered a DNI or list of DNIs.

You have written a lengthy post on DNIs whithout fully explaining what a DNI actually is. I have never before heard of the term DNI, and I am not sure if I have ever encountered a DNI or a list of DNIs before. (In one paragraph you provide an example for a "rule-abiding, enforceable DNI list". This further adds to my confusion: Are some DNI lists allowed and others forbidden?) I have been thinking about what I have been reading in other people's trade rules, and I am wondering whether the following might be a DNI:

Do not send me a trade if you are a hoarder!

Over the years, I have received tons, and tons, and tons of trades which included statements like "Jesus will safe you." or "You will find the light. Jesus loves you." in the trade message. These are unsolicited religious statements that I object to, that infringe on my basic rights, and that are harmful to me. If I added the following request to my trade rules, would it be considered a DNI?

"Do not sent me any religious messages!"

(2) Please stop any discussion that involves medical advice, please delete any comments giving medical advice.

We do not allow users to request medical advice for themselves, other people, or their pets/animals due to the danger of receiving such advice from unqualified people and children on the Internet, and concern with discussion of sensitive topics.

In this topic, various people have been giving unsolicited advice for people suffering from mental illnesses. Any advice should be given by a professional.

(3) Please stop any ableistic discussion about trauma/phobias/mental illnesses.

In this topic, I have come across a number of ableistic comments. People with mental illnesses have been infantilised and patronised, mental illnesses have been trivialised.

Regarding (2) and (3): This topic should be closely monitored by the staff. It should not fall on those affected to read and report harmful comments.

Thank you again!

[Brainiac5]

Alright everyone, here are a couple things I feel should be said:

1) Whatever you feel about this is valid

2) It is never your fault if someone attacks you out of nowhere

I’d say more, but honestly, the reasoning behind this ruling is clear and I doubt very much that this rule will be changing.

[Magneto]

Engaging with other people shouldn't have to involve listing pre-requisites (beyond, of course, being generally respectful). We learn about other people's boundaries as we speak with them.

I've read through every page up to this one on here, looking for someone with this exact take!

It's easy to forget sometimes that echo chambers aren't a good thing, especially on the Internet. I fully agree with being liberal with block features and simply refusing to talk to people you don't like online - but I also think that it's easy to fall into the mindset of "I will never speak to anyone who disagrees with me", and that can be dangerous. Outside of CS, I've learned a lot from interacting with people that, once upon a time, I might have put on a DNI list, thinking that we had irreconcilable moral differences. But the reality is that most of the stuff you'll see on people's DNI lists really isn't the moral issue younger Internet users think it is - it's become extremely commonplace to paint everything as "You're either problematic and Bad and like the wrong things, or you're Good and virtuous and like only the right things", but that isn't really how the world works, even online.

I'm honestly not that concerned about like, people intentionally triggering people via their DNI list. My concern lies more in the fact that like so many people have pointed out, there's no way to know you're interacting with someone you don't like... until you talk to them long enough to find out. Sometimes it won't even come up at all, especially on a site like CS - the person who made the apples analogy did a really good job of explaining that one.

I've HAD experiences where I've made a good friend (not on CS) and then we've found out we have differences of opinion or beliefs that just never came up before. If either of us had wanted to, we could just have blocked one another and called it a day - and that's a completely fine course of action. What we actually did was talk to each other about it to really understand what the other believed and what their issue with the other 'side' was, and it turned out fine - we still don't agree with each other, but it's not something to lose a friendship over. If either of us had had DNIs, we'd never have been friends in the first place, because "do not interact if [x]" provides absolutely no room for nuance.

I haven't gotten into fandom stuff here because honestly I think excluding entire groups of people based on the fiction they enjoy is extremely silly, regardless of if the person making it is "problematic". I can most definitely empathise with having fandoms that are triggering for you and wanting to avoid those - but as the person with the red apples analogy so beautifully explained, if that doesn't come up in conversation, it's unlikely to be an issue.

Going back to the quote: we learn about other people's boundaries as we speak with them. I really can't stress how true this is. When I was younger, it was easy to treat the Internet differently from real life because of how closed off it was; that isn't the case today, where the Internet is just part of daily life and is often people's main source of socialisation, especially during the pandemic.

[removed]

I definitely have groups of people I prefer not to interact with as a whole - but spaces like CS, Discord servers, and other forum-like places where interaction is either largely based around a website or (in the case of Discord) is more akin to being in a group of people irl, just aren't realistic places for DNIs.

If we're chatting on CS, I'm not going to know you like red apples until you tell me. If you do, and we've become friends by then, maybe I can choose whether or not red apples are a dealbreaker or not, and we can talk about it.

[Aaron✦]

(2) Please stop any discussion that involves medical advice, please delete any comments giving medical advice.

We do not allow users to request medical advice for themselves, other people, or their pets/animals due to the danger of receiving such advice from unqualified people and children on the Internet, and concern with discussion of sensitive topics.

In this topic, various people have been giving unsolicited advice for people suffering from mental illnesses. Any advice should be given by a professional.

(3) Please stop any ableistic discussion about trauma/phobias/mental illnesses.

In this topic, I have come across a number of ableistic comments. People with mental illnesses have been infantilised and patronised, mental illnesses have been trivialised.

Regarding (2) and (3): This topic should be closely monitored by the staff. It should not fall on those affected to read and report harmful comments.

Thank you again!

Just wanted to really quickly reiterate these points, thank you Libelle. We've been working really hard to try and keep this thread civil as it's been moving very quickly, but as always it's immensely helpful for us for users to report ableist comments and medical advice as they see them. We will of course continue to go through the thread and moderate and we're sorry if anyone has had to read anything bigoted or unsavoury.

[Magneto]

Oop, didn't realise part of my post counted as medical advice, my bad there! I hope my post still makes sense without it.

[nickjr]

Dear staff, in order to understand the rules, and in order to be able to fully participate in the discussion, I need your help! Thank you very much in advance!

(1) Please explain and give an example of what would be considered a DNI or list of DNIs.

You have written a lengthy post on DNIs whithout fully explaining what a DNI actually is. I have never before heard of the term DNI, and I am not sure if I have ever encountered a DNI or a list of DNIs before. (In one paragraph you provide an example for a "rule-abiding, enforceable DNI list". This further adds to my confusion: Are some DNI lists allowed and others forbidden?) I have been thinking about what I have been reading in other people's trade rules, and I am wondering whether the following might be a DNI:

Do not send me a trade if you are a hoarder!

Over the years, I have received tons, and tons, and tons of trades which included statements like "Jesus will safe you." or "You will find the light. Jesus loves you." in the trade message. These are unsolicited religious statements that I object to, that infringe on my basic rights, and that are harmful to me. If I added the following request to my trade rules, would it be considered a DNI?

"Do not sent me any religious messages!"

(2) Please stop any discussion that involves medical advice, please delete any comments giving medical advice.

We do not allow users to request medical advice for themselves, other people, or their pets/animals due to the danger of receiving such advice from unqualified people and children on the Internet, and concern with discussion of sensitive topics.

In this topic, various people have been giving unsolicited advice for people suffering from mental illnesses. Any advice should be given by a professional.

(3) Please stop any ableistic discussion about trauma/phobias/mental illnesses.

In this topic, I have come across a number of ableistic comments. People with mental illnesses have been infantilised and patronised, mental illnesses have been trivialised.

Regarding (2) and (3): This topic should be closely monitored by the staff. It should not fall on those affected to read and report harmful comments.

Thank you again!

Thank you for saying this. I have had a lot of bad experiences with pointing out ableism (none on CS yet) and have been afraid to point it out when it’s in socially acceptable comments (“get help”) and results from internalized ableism (lots of people say things that apply to themselves and they believe it)