Little Tales (please critique)

[AlexiM01]

bump. PLEASE critique and comment. I would be very appreciative if you did

[AlexiM01]

9.Nature's Simple Pleasures
Vivira yawned, slowly and carefully unfurling a luminous green, scaly wings. Her topaz slits for eyes glowed brightly in the ominous darkness of the early morning. It had been so long since Vivira had budged from her special sleeping cave- a granite den with a floor covered completely by velvety soft moss. As her eyes adjusted to the extremely dimly sunlit forest, Vivira light flapped her wings, creating a cool, comforting breeze. The young dragon felt herself being lifted off the muddy ground and slowly being levitated in the peaceful, vast sky by her petite dragon wings. Such magnificent gifts they were- wings. Vivira scraped her ivory claws against each other, attempting to sharpen them. Her mouth watered at the thought of stuffing her completely dry and starving mouth with sweet, juicy, tender and moist meat. Suddenly, a soft rushing sound pierced Vivira's ear holes. It was not those incessant, irritating noises of the forest but, a calm, peaceful and reassuring sound. Like a melody that completely hypnotised her, Vivira followed the sound to a stream. The water was as clear as crystal and as cool as the night. Vivira grinned, showing yellowed teeth. This was what the true meaning of Nature's Masterpiece was. Nature was what meant the world to Vivira and that little stream was the diamond in the pot of gold.

[Roonil Wazlib]

:') Your writing is so beautiful!!

[AlexiM01]

Thank you! That means a lot

10.The Escape
Ellion gasped for breath. She had been curled up in an old wooden crate the whole time he was up there. He had almost found her. She felt herself crumple to the floor when she heard the door of the attic she had been hiding in for a week slam shut. Tears kept flowing onto the dusty wooden floor. If he found her, there would be no end of torture. Through bleary eyes, she stared at the stained glass window, painted in a myriad of colours, that comforted her everytime in that rat's nest of an attic. Her heart pounded fast and her hair spilled all over her filthy little face. Ellion knew exactly what she had to do- escape.

That night, when the light peeled away from the stained glass, rendering it dull and dark, Ellion carefully tiptoed down the attic steps to the heavy elm door. Gulping and sweating uncontrollably, meek little Ellion slowly pulled open the door. All around her were shadows and darkness. Breathing heavily, Ellion squatted and quietly crawled on the orphanage floor. Just two more floors down and she would be home free. She was always too scared to try to get away but now she knew she had no other choice. But...she was an orphan- where could she go? As she passed by the caretaker's nauseously bright green door, Ellion froze. Light streamed onto the little girl from his room and looking straight at her was the sleepy caretaker, his arm stretching out towards her.

bump

[AlexiM01]

Bumpity

[lynettetan1]

Oh. I almost thought for a second that the bump was like a sound effect of some sort, creating like the thought that something thumped on the floor or something... lol.

[AlexiM01]

LAST hopeful bump

[lynettetan1]

you are not continueing?

[AlexiM01]

(Probably not. I'm working on another shared writing, it's a story: The Drifter)