A story. Please comment and critique.

[lynettetan1]

ok. Working on the next chapter.)

[AlexiM01]

yay

[Strudel]

Seems like a decent concept thus-far ^^
Keep it up and (if I remember) I'll check back in and read some more.
Although, I don't really think what you're writing is a full story. More of a short story. So really it should be separated into segments, not chapters ^^;
But it's your story so if that's how you want to organize it by all means I'm not going to tell you not to lol

[33Kitty]

Ooh, yay, a story! Keep writing Ly! *bookmarks*
And I think I understand who the characters are now... but I won't say any names, just in case.

[lynettetan1]

Chapter 3(Oh well, already using chapters so never mind.)
Raven woke up to the sound of chirping just outside the den, and she looked at the five kits lying next to her. She smiled as she got up, giving herself a quick lick through. She then heard rustling outside. "I can smell you."

Raven's blood ran cold. She curled round her kits, and held back a soft snarl. "Darling, I dont blame you for doing what you did, but come on out." The all to familiar voice drawled. If she was found now, she would perish. The sounds of other cats filled the air, and her claws unsheathed silently as she heard a scraping sound. Her ears pricked to hear better, and a shiver ran down her spine. They were digging her out. The sleek black furred cat almost wanted to yowl and lash out at them, but there was always a chance that they might just go away, that this was a bad dream that would all of a sudden become reality if she got discovered, right now. Her escape plan was taking a turn for the worse. She was snapped back into reality by someone's face looking down at her, and before she gave them a chance for their eyes to adjust, she swiped them with her claws, and they yowled as their head popped back out. This was it, that couldnt have been avoided. Well, that was what she was trying to tell herself anyway. She held back a snarl as on the outside, the cat yowled and complained. Through the whiny voice she found it to be Snur. The pretty and fluffy white she-cat. She sighed as Snur's complaining voice filled the air, dismissed by Ragnar quickly. She then heard more paws scraping along the den as she was dug out, the hole made wide enough for Ragnar and a few other cats to come in, the few others she recognised as Iorm, Otelt, Reind, and a few others, like Weart, the sandyish brown female that was one of her friends,(Forgive my pathetic excuse of naming.)and some more she could not recognise. SHe didnt socialise much. Iorm walked up to her coldly, the oriental siamese's cold eyes looking at her. He grabbed her by the scruff, expecting a fight. He got one. Raven's claws met his face, and he pulled away with a snarl, in that instant Reind and Flouvre, another mainly pretty she-cat, grabbed her, and pushed her away from her kits, where they guarded her. Well, then, time to destroy pretty little Flouvre's looks. Raven leapt up, barrelled into Flouvre, the pretty little turquoise crying out when Raven's body slammed into her, Raven's teeth had gripped on her windpipe in an instant, and she bit down. The pretty little turquoise moved no longer. Pity. She then launched herself of Reind, barreling under him as she attempted to trip him, but the reddish tabby with the even redder stripes merely jumped up. He wasnt a pushover. Not like Flouvre. Raven's grey eyes watched him, and he murmured. "Raven, dont do this." Her eyes narrowed into slits. "No." She launched herself at him, and they twirled and fought with each other, Raven's claws and his teeth coming out from the battle clutching fur, a tie. She hissed, and looked like she was going for a paw swipe when she suddenly swept past, and ran to Iorm, who was currently picking up her kits, who which she barreled into. He tried to retaliate, but fighting wasnt that much fun if one had blood trickling over one's face, the annoying sensation causing his attention to be diverted elsewhere. Her claws swiped past his belly, and he landed on the floor, coughing up quite a bit of blood. She was ready. SHe suddenly spun off at the feel of a touch upon her shoulder. Weart. She was one that she could not kill, that she could not do much to. She saw Ragnar picking up her kits, and when she tried to move, she was blocked of by none other then her friend.

"Move aside." "Im afraid I cant Raven." "Then you leave me no choice." Raven could see her friend wished to let her go, but couldnt. Stupid Ragnar. She launched a claw swipe at Weart's flank, her claws slicing past her shoulder, drawing blood as her friend crumpled to the floor, as she ran. But she was stopped. Reind, with a comically large bald spot near his back legs, gave her a snarl. "Stop resisting, Raven." The injured cats merely spilled out as others spilled in, and she growled. This situation was next to hopeless. She gave Reind a killing bite, then watched as he tumbled to the floor, her panting, having sustained some injuries herself. She ran on, killing a number more cats, as their faces flashed before their eyes, but they did not matter. What mattered was keeping her kits safe. "Take a rest, Raven." was all she suddenly heard, as she felt a conk on the head, and her, drifting into the blackness.

[AlexiM01]

Awesome...Purely Magnificent...wow!

[Nonexsitent]

what about her kittens?

[lynettetan1]

(you will see... )