Short Fairy Tale- Criticism Much Appreciated

[-Ethereal-Catalyst-]

I realize there are word oddities in this, due to the fact that I typed it on an IPad...Feel free to ignore them ;)

There once was a beautiful princess named Lauraise Palmaline, who's father ruled the kingdom of Felyruisan. Every citizen of the kingdom adored the young princess, for her art and good temperament were renowned in the surrounding countries. Her hair was a silken blonde, nearly white, and her frame was slenderly beautiful. Her eyes were most startling of all: an extremely light blue, which seemed to change color with the weather. Many a prince came to ask for her hand in marriage, but each was turned down for they had a flaw: they loved her simply for her beauty. She wished for a suitor who had both a mind for who she was and how she made her art. And so it went, that a year or month went by in which this process went until one day, the council of elders met and made this proposition: the girl shall meet her match within the outer realms, where all manners of things lurked. She would be in danger, but it was foretold that her husband lay not within the kingdom nor the settled country, but in the outer realms. With a low spirit, the ki ng sent his daughter away with simply three things: a horse to ride, a pure white cloak to keep her warm, and small bag of food that would last her three days. With a heavy heart, the princess left her homes and entered the dark forest, with spirits and beasts lurking about. An owl hooted to her left, the wolves howled to her right, and her mount quivered as the tension mounted. Suddenly she heard a loud Snap! And her mount was off, ramming through the underbrush and thrashing Lauraise about. With one last scream, she fell from her horse, getting knocked out as soon as she hit the ground. A low growl emitted from the bushes and out came a looming black dragon, a terrible beauty about him. The horse's frantic whinnies were cut off abruptly as the wolves lay waste to it, never to be seen again. With a loud grunt, the dragon picked up the young princess and brought her back to his lair...

With a start, Lauraise woke from her slumber. A boy lay across from her, barely a man yet. His hair was the color of charcoal, with odd light blue tips on the ends. She stood up and looked around, her surroundings seemingly spartan in concept. It was simple in the room, which was actually a converted crave of all things. "Good gracious, where have I been taken on this horrid day?" She spoke out loud, rubbing the knob on the back of her head. The boy stirred and his eyes opened, scaring her to no end. His eyes....they weren't normal. They were almost like hers, but much, much brighter. They, like the tips of his hair, were an electric blue. He jumped up from his small cushion, pressing his back to the cave wall. "Fear not, good sir, for I am not able to hurt thee. I bey you tell, where am I? How did I come to this place?" She said to him. Surprisingly a growl emitted from his lips, and he turned to her.
"I am Salurin, dragon prince of the Southern Realms. You are in my cave, girl. And I am not one of your people to just be used and told petty lies. You shall deny my present now, but I shall show thee. I am a dragon heir, and you, my dear, shall be my queen," he told her with a small smile. He lifted something she could not quite make out from his shirt... A necklace perhaps? On it was a large gem, the blue of his eyes and hair contained within it. With a loud cry, his hands turned into claws and his body morphed into a black dragon, with blue upon the outline of his wings and down his spine. With a gasp, Lauraise backed up to place a wall at her backlit noticed an odd fact. The dragon didn't look as though he wanted to kill or hurt her. No, he looked sad at her obvious fear. Wi a sigh, she dragged herself off of the wall and approached him.
"Dragon, I shall be your willing wife if you pass my simple test. I pray you tell me this: what is there for life, if you have none to spend it with?" She asked him.
"Long have I lived as such, and found a truth. There is no point, lest you be insane. You are not just a simple choice for me Lauraise. I have watched you through a looking. Mirror since your birth, sixteen years ago," he told her.
"And what am I to you. What made you wish to love me and keep me as your own?" She countered quickly.
"Your will and ability, your artistry and patience, your love and hope. All have been an interest to me," he said to her. With a nod, she took a step towards the dragon.
"Dragon and man, you have proven to me that you are indeed worthy to be my husband and friend, for you see a person and not a thing when you look a t me. I shall take on whatever responsibilities you lay across me with one condition. You must accompany me back to the inner kingdoms to meet my father, for he wishes to know whom I am to marry. Do you accept my offer?" She asked him. The dragon thought for a moment, then nodded. He sank back down into his human form, and took something out of his plain clothes.
"I have one condition as well," he said to her, "you must wear the necklace of changing. It shall never come off once you place it upon your neck, and also gives you the ability to become a dragon. Of course, it will also fuse with your genes. Only our eventual child shall be able to use the necklace, as are the laws of the heirs. The only way I shall ever allow you out of my cave is if you place that necklace upon your neck," he said, his voice a low growl still. With a shaking hand, Lauraise held her hand out for the necklace, unsure of what she should do. The dragon heirs were terribly feared in the kingdom, for they were powerful and often evil. Could she possibly give up the love of her own people? And was he truly her own love? Once she put the amulet upon her neck, it was very possible that everyone would hate her. Yet she felt as though he could understand her, more than any other in the kingdom could. With a sigh, she placed the necklace upon herself.

"Where could she possibly be?!" The king cried out, pulling hair from his own head. "She was supposed to be back today, as 'twas foretold by the council. If she is not here within the hour, I shall have every one of them banished to the outer realms as they did my sweet, poor daughter," he roared just as the large amber colored doors to the kingdom opened. And whom was it that entered the gates, but his daughter astride a dragon, wearong the crown pf her chosen suitor! "Daughter of mine own, how hast thee found a dragon princeling for a husband? Tis' naught but a horrid decision, upon a whim certainly! You cannot seriously rule a kingdom with that beast!" Lauraise leaped off the back of the dragon, deftly landing with a cat-like grace.
"This dragon is not simply a mere beast, my father. He is Salurin, dragon heir. The last dragon heir to be matter-of-fact," she told him with defiance as the large crowd gathered about them gasped. There had not been a real dragon heir in over a millennia, or so they had thought. He had been safely hidden away, until the time was right. "Need I explain to you children what that means?" She challenged them, and when no person answered, she went on. "The dragon heir was once meant as the ruler of all kingdoms. When they came about, there was prosperity in all the lands. A dragon by hisself or herself was a brute killer, but the heir was much different, for he or her was also half human. They showed compassion and strength, as well as the ability to keep thievery down in the lands. The lower provinces have been brought down by poverty and malice, looting and plundering being the talk of the land. When there has ever been a dragon heir, these levels have been at an all time low. So now I must introduce my fiancé, Salurin. The last dragon heir," she said grandly.
"My Lauraise, you know not what you have gotten into. For you must become a beast to marry a dragon heir, even if he is one," her father started, "you can't be a killer! It is not in your nature to even harm a fly!" Lauraise looked him straight in the eye and then grabbed the chain on her neck.
"Father, it is too late, for I already am a dragon," she said with a sad smile and began to grow, her ribs broadening and limbs lengthening whilst her wings made themselves known from her back. The end result was quite stunning. Her underside was a soft white, with lines showing where her ribs were, for the change took much of the fat you had on your body away. As you got farther up her sides, the color started to blend with a light blue which got darker as you got higher. Her head was regal, and even with the scales she was beautiful. A set of smart eyes sat in her head, a deep grey-blue. At the end of her tail lay a mace of sorts, sharp and menacing. "You see, my father. I am both dragon and human. But that has not changed who I am, nor what I stand for. I only care for the preservation of my kingdom, and this with this alliance, or marriage, we shall have complete use of the outer realms," she told him, her voice booming.
The king sat, staring at her open mouthed and confused for a moment, then spoke,"I....I cannot believe that you have done this to my daughter. You are a fiend, certainly Salurin. How you do your deeds, I know not. I have no choice but to declare a challenge of sorts. My chosen suitor for my daughter against you. If you must marry my daughter, then you must fight for her. I....I cannot ever forgive you for what you have done. But I have heard from certain sources, that if the dragon heir is destroyed, all that has been done is reversed. I must hope you are able to be killed." Lauraise backed away from her father in horror, and then placed herself in front of Salurin.
"If my husband is to fight, then so shall I. I refuse to allow someone who I dragged into this mess fight because you do not trust me," she growled at him but felt something at her neck. It was Salurin, with eyes filled with sorrow. His voice filled her head, as the dragons communicated almost always through mental means. "Do not fear. I love you Lauraise, and I know that I can deal with one small fighter or a man. You are mine, and shall always be that way," he told her. She felt a small pang on her heart, and let him go.
"It is settled then. I shall fight whomever you choose,"Salurin told the king. He sank back down into his human form and Lauraise followed suit. As soon as they were in suitable forms, ropes bound Salurin and he was mercilessly dragged forward.
"Due to your....erm abilities, you will fight twenty knights. That is the least I shall allow, for it would be unfair any other way," her father proclaimed, ignoring lauraise's protests. "As for you, my daughter, you will stay in your seat the entire time. It matters not if your believe you love him. It is not a healthy thing to go through," he growled. Lauraise was forced into the castle, and into the arena where the events would begin shortly...

Salurin was shoved mercilessly into the arena, given no sword nor shield. "You are a dragon. You need no weapons. May you die in this arena tonight, vermin," a soldier said before spitting upon him. Salurin simply wiped the spit off his face, grimacing as he did so. This was hardly a good homecoming for anyone. If he killed the people, no person in the kingdom would ever trust him as their king.
If he didn't kill them.....well he wouldn't be alive to know, now would he? With a prayer under his breath, Salurin entered the arena under the yes of a thousand plus citizens...

Lauraise gave a small cry as Salurin entered the arena, unarmed and looking more unsure of himself than she'd ever seen him in the last week. They hadn't known each other long. But then again, she didn't truly know anyone outside of the citizens and her friend Denali, who happened to be a talking leopard. During the week she had known him, Salurin had taught her to fight and protect herself, as well as how to fully use the power of the heir's amulet. The other thing she had learned, was a halfling's body. She could retain a tail, teeth, claws, and coloration while being partially human: standing on two feet, having some basic anatomy of a human, and having the facial shape of a human as well. The only odd mix was that she became about a foot taller than her human self when she was a halfling. Right now, she was a halfling. Call it nerves, but that was what she made herself become, and so she was wearing a boy's breeches and a piece of cloth called a "shirt". She was a bit confused by the garments, but they were also much more comfortable to her. Perhaps she would stay like this, even if it was a disgrace to her father. A bugle sounded behind her head, and she turned her attention to the situation at hand. The tournament was to begin now.

Salurin dodged a blow from a knight, laughing at him and jumping neatly upon his head. His halfling form was similar to Lauraise's own, but it was much stronger. He wasn't going to become a full dragon yet, because he still hadn't decided what to do exactly yet. Did he kill or be killed? With a grunt, he jumped off the swordsman's head and punched the nearest fighter's stomach, knocking him flat. There had to be some sort of solution to this, because he couldn't hurt Lauraise. She was too soft, and cared for every citizen, big or small. He grabbed another of the knights, preparing to give a killing blow, but howled in agony as a sword slashed across his stomach. It was shallow, but long, and it bled an enormous amount. With a cry, he snapped out and grabbed the man's sword, snapping it straight in half. He kicked out, knocking the man straight across the arena to land in a heap. He could only take so much of this before he snapped, and his instincts were crying out to change. He gave another howl of pain as a sword sliced into his arm, not making it far with his toughened skin.

Suddenly, a thought came to his mind: what of he knocked them out? They would be unable to fight any longer. With a split second decision, he snapped his clawed hand out to hit the nearest man in the head, literally knocking him out. It wasn't like he was a ninja or something. With a flash of his long legs, he kicked one and then another of the men in the head. Both went down with a boneless fall, and he couldn't promise that they would ever completely recover from their wounds. Perhaps two or three would be incapacitated for life. These things simply happened. With a low growl he ran at a small huddling group of knights. Weren't these people supposed to be strong and brave? He lashed out with his tail and brutally took down one of them, smashing his head into the ground before roaring in agony- one of them had a bow, apparently. He grabbed the arrow out of his flesh but fell to the ground, feeling some narcotic course through his veins. He prepared for the worst, and felt something. Perhaps it was sadness that he would never see a child of his own, or a family he could care for. Perhaps it was anger at ever coming here. Or maybe it was that he simply would miss life. All he knew was that sleep was coming, and so was death in the form of the oncoming soldiers....

Lauraise called out Salurin's name as he went down, realizing quickly that he had been shot with a form of toxin that would make him sleep. "Father!" Lauraise yelled, "this is not part of the rules!" He would win no matter the cost, she realized. With a roar of her own fury to echo Salurin's own pain, she launched off of the grandstand, nearly changing simply because of her racing emotions. Within seconds she was down on the ground near her chosen husband, daring the soldiers to come closer. Her tail flicked back and forth dangerously, her anger clearly emanating. "Why? What point is there to this insanity, when so obviously, it is you who are the monsters!" She let her words echo into the arena before continuing, "who shows no compassion here? They try to kill him, he puts them to sleep. What's wrong with this situation!? You should be ashamed of yourselves, discriminating against someone because of what they are, and not what they stand for. Begone you foul people. You, and your king, are not worthy of anything you have." The king stepped down from the grandstand, looking at first angry, and then horribly sad.
"M-my daughter. You don't know what he could-" The king said before being cut off.
"He's not going to harm any of you! We chose each other as much as the elders told me he would be my king. Trust me father. Please," she begged him, her eyes filling with tears upon her exotic looking blue face. Her father and king sighed, but backed off.
"For now, I trust your judgement. Perhaps it is not such a bad thing to have a dragon heir. I shall train him in succeeding me, but heed my warning Lauraise. One step out of line, and he is not with us anymore," he finally told her. She picked him up in a hug, thanking the lord for her good fortune. "May peace reign throughout the land," he said last.

A day later....
Salurin looked around the room, confused at his surroundings. Was this heaven? The bed was large and made of down, and at the end of it seemingly sat an angel. Yet it was no angel, he knew. It was Lauraise, his beloved. "Lauraise?" He asked weakly. She turned towards him, her smile radiant.
"You have awakened!" She said before drawing him into a hug, though it was a careful one to avoid his stomach wound.
"I could get used to this..." He trailed off and they lived happily ever after, thought it was not necessarily the easiest life. But it was a good life.

[Choco]

That's such a sweet and cute story, ^^ I love it. Perhaps divide the battle paragraph into two paragraphs so it's easier to read?

[-Ethereal-Catalyst-]

Hmm perhaps thou art correct, my good friend. ;3

[Dark_Fantasy]

very nicely thought out, maybe drag the begining out a little longer, but otherwise, perfection ;3

[-Ethereal-Catalyst-]

Thanks for looking, and yeah, I likely could have. My impatience gets the better of me at times.

[Choco]

Friendly bump~