Forever and Never... Please comment and critique!

[dapperblook]

Thanks. I think I will wait until later today to post more, mainly because I am tired and typos keep showing themselves... it's going to be a project removing those.

[Rolly-chan]

Another good piece ^^
I like how you change the perspective from Annabelle to Liam and back.

You could write out the questions Liam asks Annabelle in the gym, though - then the scene will appear more active (and, just as a suggestion, of course, you could throw in a subtle question about Tailor here and there, since he seems to want to go for her).

I have a question, though. You said Liam was a rather fearless and brave character. But he seems scared of the teacher. Wouldn't a brave and fearless character rather oppose the teacher in that situation? Or have you decided to change Liam's personality a bit?
Nevertheless, it's an interesting story so far ^^

I'll continue stalking this story ;3 Keep on writing! ^^

[dapperblook]

I'm really glad that you liked the POV changes. It happens alot throughout the rest of the story, but I think it really helps to tell the story.

[dapperblook]

I will begin posting the updates on Wednesday's so that I have a week in between to make sure that it is good enough to post.

[dapperblook]

I have posted the next segment!

[atumtay]

It's so good!

[dapperblook]

Thank you!

[Rolly-chan]

I really like how you switch times ^^
In this part, it now becomes more apparent that Liam acts more like a player, dating several girls in a short time span and ending the relationships pretty quickly.
It's also nice to know what Zeke does! How he lies because he thinks he protects Annabelle ^^ Really good.

You could, however, make the other relationships more clear (Zeke is pretty clear already, since we get to know that he likes Annabelle - but who are her other friends? Who's her best friend and what's their relationship like?). Describe more, let things roll a bit slower. Maybe show a bit of Liam's relationships with Annabelle's friends a bit more, with Annabelle as the observer. You know, showing what makes it so bitter for her. Liam and his current girlfriend laughing together, Liam declining Annabelle's invitation because he's already going out with his current girlfriend (to the cinema or whatever). Maybe even include the setting up of Suzy and Liam - that would show very effectively how painful it is for Annabelle, because she actually doesn't want to do it.
Things like that.

Am looking forward to reading the next part =)

[dapperblook]

The next piece is officially up! Enjoy!

[dapperblook]

I probably won't be updating this week, mainly because a holiday follows shortly after, and I still don't have it written. Sorry guys, the anticipation will have to fester until a week from Wednesday.