Blood-spattered lies. A vampire tale
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Please only post your own original work, do not post poetry or stories which were written by someone else.
Please only post your own original work, do not post poetry or stories which were written by someone else.
14 posts
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spideypuhl - Posts: 25582
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Re: Blood-spattered lies. A vampire tale
by Rainy Dayz » Fri Nov 04, 2011 2:29 pm
MORE MORE MOER!!!!! OMG! It drove me insane! MORE! Pleaase?
Winter wonderlands can wait, but it's just so pretty when it's not deadly.-
Rainy Dayz - Posts: 13768
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Re: Blood-spattered lies. A vampire tale
by Kami Sama » Fri Nov 04, 2011 6:27 pm
oh, also, something I picked up on. How did Angel know her hair was 'sparkling in the light'? She had no way of knowing unless she could somehow see herself. It's always important to not state things your character doesn't know about if your writing in their point of view.
Anyways, hope that helped somehow!
Anyways, hope that helped somehow!
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Kami Sama - Posts: 1743
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Re: Blood-spattered lies. A vampire tale
by Shiver. » Mon Nov 07, 2011 10:42 am
I think it needs more details but it was excellent.
{Hello.
Hey guys I am Shiver.I love toRPand I am an aspiringartist! I will be offline much more frequently now though. But I will be open toone x ones.So send me a pmand maybe we can work something out!Bye!
{ Book :: DA :: Artshop :: Gallery}
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Shiver. - Posts: 4677
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