**I'd like your opinion on my story :)**

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**I'd like your opinion on my story :)**

Postby Kyles » Mon Aug 29, 2011 6:41 am

I was bored and this popped out. I was wondering if you think I should fill out a plotline around this for a good short story, or if you think it'd be a waste of time. Thanks for your opinions :)


These are the songs I was listening to as I wrote it [Link]
[Link]

Unable to grasp the sadness of the moment, he let his eyes close and drifted off into a sea of reveries as his hand gently swept over her cooling cheek. A tear appeared at the inner corner of his eye and stopped, as if it were observing the dark, cold evening into which it would fall. It aborted it's mission halfway down Austin's face, dissolving into the part of his lips. His eyes, still closed, moved, like he was watching a scene unfold before him. But nothing stood beyond he and his departed beloved, save miles of open meadows abounding with resplendent wildflowers which wilted under the cloudy sky. It was not the real world which he saw, for his reality was nothing compared to what he pictured behind his eyelids.

He imagined holding her, tightly as he always would, her sweet face gently flushed and fantastically beautiful beneath the early morning sun. He imagined touching her arm to remind her that it was okay when he could see the subtle fear make it's way into her glowing brown eyes. He imagined the way she would laugh, the way she would cry. They way she smiled when she saw him, her sweet lips, so soft and tender, brushing his the moment they could hold each other. More tears fell as each wondrous memory began to fade into what he knew he had to face.

His eyes finally opened, their graceful blue depths with gold at the center like the sun's reflection upon the whispering ocean, were dull and uncomprehending. His heart felt as if it were folding in upon itself as he gazed down at the bodyd. All of the happiness he used to feel when his eyes touched her was swept away into a shadowed oblivion. Now only fear remained, cold and relentless as a mid-winter storm.

"What am I going to do without you?" He whispered as he lay his head upon her frozen chest. His hand found hers and grasped it with uncertainty. He stared up at the sky, milky white as the clouds bursted with ice crystals. A snowflake touched his nose and quickly melted away. Kristen's body grew colder with each second, and he felt compelled to shield it from the snow. But inside he knew, she was not there any longer.

"Austin," came a voice upon the frigid breeze. He lurched upward, shivering. A hand settled upon his shoulder, and he turned slowly.
She stood, like a shifting mist, behind him. He rose slowly and reached out to touch her face. His hand fell upon skin, warm, loving, affectionate skin, but he pulled away in shock as the temperature changed to the fearful cold of death. Her eyes, their beautiful brown hidden behind the sheen of gray, were calm and sweet.

"I came to say goodbye," she whispered, "and that I love you."

"Don't leave, Kristen. Please don't leave!" He begged as he pulled her ghostly form into his arms. This time her temperature did not shift. It stayed warm, and he held her as close as he could. She tucked her face into his shoulder and stroked his back gently.

"I wish I could stay," she murmered as she began to fade away. Austin squeezed her tighter, but his efforts were in vain. Soon, he was the only being standing in the field which was now covered by a light layer of glittering snow.

"I love you too," he breathed into the evening air. "I always will."
Last edited by Kyles on Tue Sep 06, 2011 7:05 am, edited 4 times in total.
"When one tries to master something, it ends in either success or failure. But it is in the attempt itself where you find the true value. Believe in your own power and walk your own path." ~Oki

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Re: **I'd like your opinion on my story :)**

Postby Kyles » Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:39 am

bump
"When one tries to master something, it ends in either success or failure. But it is in the attempt itself where you find the true value. Believe in your own power and walk your own path." ~Oki

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Re: **I'd like your opinion on my story :)**

Postby Kyles » Tue Sep 06, 2011 7:07 am

Kyles wrote:bump
"When one tries to master something, it ends in either success or failure. But it is in the attempt itself where you find the true value. Believe in your own power and walk your own path." ~Oki

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Re: **I'd like your opinion on my story :)**

Postby Kyles » Thu Jan 05, 2012 3:02 pm

Kyles wrote:bump
"When one tries to master something, it ends in either success or failure. But it is in the attempt itself where you find the true value. Believe in your own power and walk your own path." ~Oki

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Re: **I'd like your opinion on my story :)**

Postby Shay. » Thu Jan 05, 2012 7:19 pm

Cool!
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Together is not a strong enough word for the opposite of alone.

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Re: **I'd like your opinion on my story :)**

Postby AlexiM01 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 11:33 pm

Wow! Your good!
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