All that glitters is not in fact, gold.

[+Vesper]

Poetry, writing
by Vesper

[+Vesper]

My dream pet is a dog I've already loved and lived with.
Nala, a deathly skinny 7-ish month border collie-cross puppy,
the sweetest girl you'd ever meet.
When we saw her at the shelter we knew she would be the perfect addition
to our family that finally allowed its daughters to get one dog each

She was my sister's dog, and she later renamed the pup to "Crystal".

She was a menace when it came to food, eating anything she could find and
gulp down before one of us could stop her.
A silent dog that one knew was broken by living life on the streets - always
on the prowl for food because she never realized that the last meal she had
was not in fact her last.

Slowly she gained confidence, but was always still a 'pushover' in a way
-she didn't know she was allowed to want. She didn't know that we loved
her regardless of her actions.

in 2020 she got sick.

the lump on her breast got worryingly large.

It was the age old woman's curse, breast cancer.
After a tragically needed surgery, she wore a cone with
pride

My bed was her bed, and as she helped me through 2020,
one of the hardest years in my life,
I helped her too.

She never let the pain move her, really.
She never let it show through her actions - as all dogs do.

But throughout her cone-wearing days I was always there for
her
scratching her ears that she couldn't reach
carrying her to my bed when it was time to bed
// despite the doctor's orders she decided that jumping with a
still healing wound
was a-okay.

She got better, but also horribly worse.

After she was 'cancer-free' her eyes failed
as well as developing chronic pancreatitis.

and then the seizures happened.

One of the most traumatic experiences of my
life

True fear shows it's haunting eyes when there's nothing
you can do to save someone.

after that she had two pills and two eye drops.
Dutifully I , master of the hounds, medicated her

2021

Crystal got deathly sick.

She turned into a wonky-dog
not being able to keep her head up properly and
viewing the world side-ways.
Canine Vestibular Disease/Syndrome

She could no longer walk around without
hitting her head on the surroundings

I had to take her out every morning and night to
do her business
and I put towels all over my room so that
she could have a comfortable place to lie

She was fading and I saw rose-tint.

Two days in she started having seizures again,
I did not give up

But then

She died.
And I broke.

I was fast asleep!
I didn't know! I swear!

But then my dad came in
and proclaimed
that she had rigor-mortise
and that she was
dead

I couldn't believe it
I
wasn't ready.

I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet

this wasn't
supposed to
happen yet

I thought she would
she
would be okay.

But she left me. She lost the fight.

I swear it was gold.
But now I just feel like a fool.

Why did my best friend
why did she have
to leave me.



-v