◣ ✒ 𝐿𝐸𝑇𝐿𝐼𝑇. ⋮ 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 ◥

[.Cas.]

Would anyone be willing to read the first page of a short story I wrote a few days ago and give me some feedback please? I'd really appreciate it. Also happy to post it here if that's allowed.

I left you a pm regarding your story,

[.Cas.]

Bump

[.Cas.]

Bump!

[WarriorcatKitty]

I'm working on a story about dogs and I'd like to know how beginning is, I was struggling on how to start it. This all I've written so far.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rain stumbled, tripping over her own tail.

"Rain, that's not how you do it." Another pup, named Cocoa, woofed.

Rain rolled her eyes. "I know Cocoa, my tail just got in my way."

Angrily, Rain snapped at her tail, just barely missing it. She growled in frustration. She was supposed to be learning how to hunt, to properly stalk prey, but she couldn't seem to get it right. She kept tripping over twigs or rocks, and now her own tail. How could she become a good hunter if she was just going to trip on everything?

A dog named Midnight let out a reassuring bark, "It's okay Rain, it took me ages of practice before I was able to hunt on my own. But you'll get the hang of it eventually. You're only a pup, you won't need to hunt until your bigger."

Rain sighed. "I guess."

Although she knew Midnight meant well, she knew that it hadn't really taken Midnight that long to learn how to hunt. She was one of the best hunters in the group. Even Cocoa seemed to pick up on training faster than Rain did.

[.Cas.]

This is pretty good!

[WarriorcatKitty]

Here's the first chapter of my book, I'd like to know what you think of it!

https://www.wattpad.com/story/240188611 ... -the-north

[Tsukỉ]

bup

[.Cas.]

Bump

[.Cas.]

Removed

[Tsukỉ]

/bump