❝ are you, like, doing okay? ➶ drabbles & thoughts

[harmonizing]

hey so these are little drabbles, things i wrote at 3 am, or just vent topics i've never really gotten over
i don't mind if you post/comment
+ i like to use 'like' in dialogue so most of the titles will be excerpts from stories ive written that sound nice to me


TW/CW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, ABUSE & S/H PLS READ AT UR OWN RISK 💓

a 𝚗𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗, not including the 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚐𝚎
i. i'm so tired, like, soo tired...
ii. oh, like, you mean that?
iii. in a day or, like, maybe two...
iv. like, it's just a tiny amount...
v. and they all lived a happily, like, ever after...
vi. but that's, like, how a great story starts, right?
vii. swimming is probably, like, a drug...
viii. ouch, a bruise.
ix. five more minutes, then, like, sure...
x. next week, like, the carnival!
xi. bonfires make me sad, like, too sad...
xii. debating things w myself: a series of how boring i am
xiii. like, a loop-de-loop!
xiv. midnight witches... typical. [1&2]
xv. there was this, like, dream i had...
xvi. shut up, like, shut up!
xvii. do you have a bone to, like, pick?
xviii. it's so, like, messy and yucky
xix. you're gonna be okay.
xx. you know what they did
xxi. an artifact... like, a piece of history.
xxii. she's covered in, like, ribbons, asking you to prom...
xxiii. wrapping and constraining...
xxiv. a hot wave of wax..
xxv. you, like, uh, missed a spot.
xxvi. no, silly! the dinosaurs are the ones who, like, died.
xxvii. wait, so, that was, like, a dream?
xxix. no, i'm, like, too sick today.
xxx. ah... could you please leave me alone?
xxxi. hey, i've totally heard of that show before!
➼

[harmonizing]

i can't really be there for you, sorry!
so, so wish i could, doll,
wish i could tell you how i feel,
wish you would understand garbled nonsense,
but i'm not strong enough! too afraid,
but you knew that, didn't you?
so sorry.

i can't hold you, be close to you, or anything of the sort
spiritually i'll be there, a miles away, you know?
and you'll say, "where are you?"
"i'm here, aren't i?"
"you've never really been here," you say, "never."
and you're right, of course,
so sorry.
➳

[harmonizing]

please don’t leave me.

i know i’m not a good friend
and i know i can’t help you
but please don’t leave me

i know that i’m weak and i know that i’m a failure.
but i was worse before
so maybe one day i’ll be even better
can you be there for that?
➳

[harmonizing]

“He’d be proud of you.”
“There is no he. He was lost when he shot himself in the head.”
“But you miss him, don’t you?”
“Like a dog misses his favorite toy. But I have to accept things, Rema—and that means that there is no he. He’s not watching and he’s not proud, because whatever was left of him, his consciousness, it’s gone.”
And then there’s silence.

version two

“Do you ever feel guilty?” she asked, brown hair shaded black matted against the green grass. “That you moved on from him so fast?”
“He’s dead,” she replied, knuckles locked together behind her head and ankles crossed. “Of course I don’t feel guilty.”
“Why so?” she responded, like her own mini therapist.
She looked up to the stars, just barely showing through beech leaves and green treetops. “I don’t think we go anywhere when we die. We just… die. So how could he be mad at me if he doesn’t even know he ever existed?”
“Right.”
➳

[harmonizing]

i wont remember you in the morning
or at night when bugs sing
i wont remember you in a week
or next month when bugs leave
i wont remember what i’ve done
what i dream for and what i need
who i am and who i’ll be
because what more could you want
than the way amnesia can’t make you feel
➳

[harmonizing]

do you ever think about me
with your fingers twined in your hair
do you ever think about me
while the clock hand moves
do you ever think about me
when the waves slow
do you think of me at all
or am i just the unnoticeable things
you’ve never talked about before
➳

[harmonizing]

her skin melts like molding clay
under fire normal clay hardens
grows black, chars, is still
molding clay melts
turns to goo, like hot candle wax
hardens in the cold breeze
the betrayal of frostbite and chill
but can always be melted back
to bubbling water
back to
dyed foam
➳

[harmonizing]

oh sweetie, will you be okay?
out there on your own?
cut off from the world?
will you be okay without me?

of course i will.
it's just a block,
not a trip to europe.
i will be okay without you.
➳

[harmonizing]

you make my stomach twist
you make my throat clog
you make my nose burn
you make my knees shake

it's okay
no, no, it'll be okay.
i'll be okay around you
i always have been, anyways.
➳

[harmonizing]

one day i'll feel something that you do
one day ill look at someone like you
and feel everything that they feel too
one day, some day, i'll feel new
(or maybe that'll never be true)
➳