[♡] wishful thinking | journal

[cherubim]

literally ready to wipe every friend of mine off the face of the planet. be by myself. I don't even wanna be by my family rn either. just stay alone.

[cherubim]

tfw u gotta wait 4 sleep meds 2 kick in at 3 am & bc ur in ur grandmas house w ur 7 other members in ur family u gotta hide in the bathroom to go on ur phone until u can sleep
tfw meds take anywhere from an hr to kick in
tfw u gotta babysit sibs early next day n meds will still b active

weeeeeeeeeeeee i love it, thanks insomnia i love u too

[cherubim]

im an emotional wreck rn but whats new
my latest piece of """""poetry""""" is actual crap i s2g im tempted 2 take it & the rest of it down bc who am i kidding lol no one likes that word vomit

anyway im scared fr uni n being so far frm my family!!!!!!!!!! hng

[cherubim]

i JUST figured out what alpha lock does & i genuinely feel so impowered..... like i can take on the world......

anyway im nearly done w one comm, & i finished one self indulgent piece + started another one n i feel guilty bc i gotta do more owed art but...... i wanted to draw takumi bc tempest trials r on!!! plus he's a fave of mine. good boy

[cherubim]

so not only did i get 2 hrs sleep last night i also woke up to poppy having blood caked on her feathers & sprayed all up the wall and on the cage.... she's acting fine rn & flying around but i'm so scared she may be hiding how ill she is ;; i wish i had enough money to take her to the vet but literally all backup funds for the vet was sunk into hailee's operation (she's fine now, thank god) and i have like $3 to my name. i wanna cry, i love her so much and i dont want her to be in danger!!!!!!!!!

if anyone has experience with budgies/parakeets and this sort of injury, please pm me with what i can do for her, if there's anything. I don't want her to be in pain and not show it.

[cherubim]

hey its been a whole month wowowow
uni orientation is tomorrow n god am i nervous!!! pls let everything go smoothly & ppl like me hngvjk
apparently im "charismatic" but i beg to differ i mean. im a social chameleon tbqh... i will change 2 suit irl ppl so i mean!! hm
anyway i already miss mum & poppy & gilbert & hailee & leo... apparently leo howled all day after i left & pop & gilbo were uncharacteristically quiet... hailee slept all day she does not care lmao but still !!! my babies ;; but god is it nice to be in qld again w normal time & that familiar humidity. its homely... its what im used to. hopefully i loose some weight too bc ill be more active!!!

anywhey i shld prolly schleep bc i have 2 get up early (6 or smth) to put makeup on n get my student id early so i beat the huge ass lineup. honestly theres a free brekky or smth but id rather not go lmao no sitting awkwardly by myself thx!!! I had enough of that in school lmao
so gnight cs, lets hope tomorrow is kind

[cherubim]

bc i didn't wanna put it in my kal fc post lmao

What's your Kalons Favorite Scent?

• kiran's fave scent is warm rosehip tea on a sunday morning at around 5 am where the air is still heavy with nighttime dew
  
• remi's is the smell of ariadne's maple pancakes, fresh off the pan and under her nose. it's comforting for her
  
• nico loves the smell of paint. honest to god, paint. mainly acrylic, but he doesn't actively go out and smell it, he just likes it when he's painting.
• marx's favourite scent is money
  
  Does your kalon eat their bagel one side at a time or like a sandwhich?
• kiran eats like a sandwich, how else would you do so?
• remi doesn't really eat bagels, but when she does on the rare occassion, she eats it one side at a time.
• nico just inhales his whole
• marx doesn't know what a bagel is
• ariadne eats it one side at a time - that's why remi does the same
  
  What's your kalons theme song?
  hhngrbvb later
  
  If your kalon had to choose one food to eat the rest of their life what food would it be and why?
• remi would choose to eat bread, because she could toast it and mix it up every now and again
• nico would eat instant noodles for his entire life. he already does that, so why would it be any different?
• marx genuinely would eat nothing but soup - it's a perfect mix between food and drink in his opinion, so it really wouldn't be hard to live off of it
  
  Someone is going around and placing colorful flower crowns on unsuspecting kalons heads! How does your kalon react?
• kiran would probably be the one doing that, using the flowers in his garden
  
  Do you believe in love at first sight?
• kiran; yes 100%
• remi; maybe?
• marx; lmao no
• nico; sure, but it's rare
• ariadne; yes
• lacene; love isn't real
• diella; nope
• cordelia; sometimes
• mischka; nah
• ylja; of course!
• nils; yuhuh
• kjetil; no
• rúni; no, not at all

[cherubim]

In retrospect, agreeing to go to a summer camp was a horrible idea. Especially considering said ‘summer camp’ was one organised by a local church youth group. With hymns by the fire every night, various group activities that were meant to help the children ‘bond’, and horrible, horrible meals provided by a chef that Mischka was sure didn't actually have any expertise in the area, it was the very definition of a waste of time.

But, since Mischka hadn't wanted to disappoint her newly-appointed foster parents and had no other plans for the holidays, it was a waste of time she willingly undertook.

That didn't mean she had to behave, though.

--

“You're not meant to be here.” Came a voice from beyond, unsettling Mischka enough to rustle the leaves on the branch she was currently perched upon.

She glared at the invisible voice.

“You should re-e-e-e-ally get down from that tree.” the voice squawked again, dragging out the syllables in an infuriating fashion.

Mischka, in return, stayed silent and kept her eye on the bird’s nest above her head. If she stood, she could easily take one of the speckled eggs. She'd always wanted a pet.

And so, being as cautious and as quiet as she could, Mischka slowly moved to a standing position on the branch. Keeping her balance as perfect as she could with one outstretched arm, she carefully lifted up an egg from the nest. It was on the colder side, but still felt warm to the touch. It brought a smile to Mischka's face.

She slowly brought it to her chest, one hand cradling it close and the other grasping the branch below him. She sat down with ease, now using both hands to cup the egg. She examined it closely; it had a blue shell with brown speckles, was around the size of an overly large marble, and was so fragile - both the shell and the small body it held within it.

The moment between Mischka and the egg was broken by the voice calling out again, now rather angry. “I'm gonna tell the counsellors about this!”

“Do it.” Mischka countered, voice snarky and mouth pulled into a sneer. “They couldn't find me even if they wanted.”

There was silence after that, and Mischka sighed in relief. Thank christ for that tiny miracle.

She quickly retracted her silent thanks as soon as the rustle of leaves below him sounded. Of course - of course - whoever this camper was had to stick his (her? their?) nose into her business and not just leave her alone. Maybe next time she should just trek further into the wild, Mischka thought.

“I didn't tell you to come looking for me.” Mischka snarled, now cupping the egg in two hands and bringing it to her chest in a protective manner. Who knows what this stranger could do to her newly adopted child.

“I know.” The voice grunted. More leaves rustled. “But you weren't gonna come down any other way.”

Two blue eyes looked up at Mischka then, squinting in the afternoon sunlight that filtered itself through the leaves. Mischka willed her heart to stop palpitating.

They stared at each other for a while, almost like a silent showdown of stubbornness. Immovable object meets unstoppable force.

The other broke the silence first.

“What’d’ya have in your hands?” She queried, craning her neck from just above the branch to get a better look.

“Nothing.” Mischka snapped, twisting her body away abruptly and glaring pointedly at her. It was none of her business! She would probably go snitch on her to the counsellor about her newfound kid.

The girl studied Mischka for a moment after, cocking her head slightly just as a young pup would. It seemed she was searching for something inwardly, like a descriptor word, or a name.

“You're rude.” was what came out.

“Says you.” Mischka mumbled back.

The girl didn't seem to be bothered by the rudeness though; she swung her (ridiculously long) leg up onto the branch and gracefully pushed herself up, straddling the now shared branch.

“I'm Cordelia.” she stated, slowly closing the gap between the two and craning her neck.

“Mischka.”

A grin.

“Now we know each other's names, can I see what’s in your hands?”

Mischka gnawed her lip, contemplating the request. On one hand, the girl - no, no, Cordelia - couldn't be trusted; what if she stole the egg? Shattered it? Ran away with it as a bargaining tool, trying to coerce Mischka into a dark ring of black market sales?

But on the other hand, Cordelia could just be a curious girl who wanted to make a friend. (Or two, counting the egg.) It seemed likely; she was very smile-y and upbeat, not at all perturbed by Mischka’s standoffish attitude.

It seemed that the latter was the most viable explanation.

[cherubim]

i crave validation

anywhey i am. tired. also impulsive n like nearly spent all of my pay today bc wuh oh manic episode hit & now im tired n angry and all that at myself bc why was i so stupid & why isnt my medication working and why cant i sleep for once

also uni is okay? idk i am worried abt my two assessments due next week n the week after bc i literally have no examples n no one can proof read n my anxiety is skyrocketing bc of that!!! love that for me
also i gotta msg back my friend soon but social interaction is hard n draining rn >:( mental health suuuuucks

[cherubim]

i like the fact i can come to this whenever i want and yell into the void. at least i know my words - my voice will be heard.

anyway im. tired. my poetic soul has left me, leaving in place an actual real life science goblin. psychology has literally made me upend my writing style n i just??? dunno how to get it back?? it's made me sad.

a lot makes me sad these days. a lot makes me angry as well. i think the anger is more prelavent these days in all honesty.

i need to finish a lot of things.