( 你想的太多了 | you worry too much )

[caesou]

ya'll know what the best thing is? physical exercise
i personally dance and blast out beyonce beCAUSE I LIVE FOR HER SONGS OMG but just doing something physical is just

:ok_hand: :weary: a++++

[caesou]

owwwww i hate waking up and mornings so much

[caesou]

"i really like you to talk to me, i really appreciate that"
then how come you look like you're about to cry?

and you do know that you are the reason why i get stressed, do you?
you were always in the shadows when i was younger, i don't know if i should trust you now you're being more involved. it doesn't feel right. i grew up learning to be independent because you weren't there. i want to forgive you for the mistakes you've made but still, i feel on edge every time you talk to me, like you're going to do something that will mess up everything i built thus far.

[caesou]

i hope i didn't get you in trouble. oh god, oh god... please, i beg of you, have mercy on her. have mercy on her soul, she does not deserve your harsh tongue, if you choose to lash it out.

[caesou]

your smile was warmer than the sun
and your eyes brighter than the sea
a framework of art, and you were so happy

[caesou]

so take my hand,
let us sail the seas again
and look to the future
leaving our past behind us

there's someone i really, really, really want to apologise to, but i feel like i'm dragging their name in the mud through and through, over and over. i'm scared to be annoying, but i hope they know that i... i want a second chance.
or perhaps... i should forget everything happened in the first place and move on, like they have.

[caesou]

today wasn't the smoothest or bestest of all days - i mean, it happens. but... i feel like i didn't do a good enough job. i wasn't enough. i wasn't able to do what i wanted to do - or what she wanted to do, even - and it makes me feel disappointed in myself. i know that i should let go and forgive and forget, but still, i want to hold on for even just a little bit longer.

[caesou]

i want to be independent and away from you
i don't want to be associated with you
i don't know what we did to each other in the past - and i don't want to know
but i want to grow up by myself
not with you in the background watching me

[caesou]

okay but can i just talk about how cute you are? like oh my god

your awkwardness is adorable and even though you hate it with a fire, i love it. yet despite that, you are so open and trusting to me and make as many nsfw jokes as you want without a care - well, as long as other people don't overhear, haha - and just. also cute
you have a need, a desire, to be a good friend, a good person. your apologies and hoping you are not an inconvenience...
your happiness is contagious. your love and care for me is beautiful.

i don't know if i'm able to help you open up about him or them, but i want to tell you that everything is okay. everything will be okay, especially if it doesn't feel okay. it will all, all pass.
i don't know what he's like, but from what you've told me, i do not see a trait of his in you. explosive you may be, it is all in joke and laugh, unlike your telling of his hurtful actions. you want to do everything to heal and not follow his footsteps because of what he's done to you - your heart is bigger than you think.

i hope i can inspire the strength and courage in you to speak up. staying quiet does no benefit, and only a strong voice can calm a crowd. i hope to see you stand your ground and still be able to come out victorious with a smile on your face, a smile not unlike the ones you pass to me.
perhaps i am hoping too much, dreaming too far. but even from day one, i still saw that in your eyes, a need to be heard without regret chasing after your breath.

[caesou]

i hope to god to never be like you. your confidence, bubbling like the beer you love drinking so much. yet the way you see the world, far more monochromatic than i have ever felt.

the way you have hurt us scars me more than we could've imagined. i don't know about her, but day after day, i see a piece of you in me. i hate you.
i don't want to live with this anger, but i don't want to hurt people like you've hurt me. so where do i begin? where do i start? how do i heal and yet distance away from you in healthy ways? or is that an impossible dream, like many of my other past dreams?