( 你想的太多了 | you worry too much )

[caesou]

i've been listening to this song constantly because of how much of a mood it is right now

like all i want to do is see her, be with her, just... her, y'know?

[caesou]

you smiled so brightly
love reflecting in your eyes
hand by hand, we looked
and held each other close

i don't want to let go -
i would keep you safe
in my arms, never to
suffer again and again.

thank you for what
you've done to me, to you
cherish this moment
with lightness in heart

whoops i need to control myself and my stanzas

[caesou]

okay.
where do i start?
so, let's start with this: i usually look into people's eyes when i talk to them
why? idk, to see the ~ emotion ~
also eyes are pretty as heck
also it's just amusing sometimes, because if i ever make a disgusting joke, the receiver will give me the "why did you just say that" gaze and it's the best
i usually see that gaze, or something joking and smirky and just. memey. when i look at your eyes
but. just. that one time.
yoUR SMILE????
your smile was so warm and so i went "okay let's look at their eyes" AND
OW
OW MY HEART
OW MY SOUL
OW EVERYTHING I ONCE HAD
I JUST
IDK BOUT YOU BUT I SAW LITERAL HEARTS IN THOSE EYES
YOU LOOKED SO HAPPY AND SO JUST
SOFT
AND
PURE
AND
SUGIFKDSGDFS
i still think about it a lot. even tho it happened pretty recently
like the fact that i got to see you be so happy? and the fact that you are this happy?
i just.
>inhale
>cry O W
y'know you'd expect me to die because it's me who was the one to make you happy but
that... idk, i always forget that fact
like i've always been like "be humble be humble be humble don't be self-centered"
etc
so
with that mindset, it's weird to acknowledge that hey, it was me who did something good to you. but it was, and that's the most surreal thing
>h e a v e
i don't even know anymore
i'm just
i feel blessed by your existence.
i want to see you feel so happy and so safe because that's the best feeling in the world
you deserve it. you deserve so much more
and god i love you so much.
i want you in my arms. hold me close, don't let go.

[caesou]

...i think i've taken her role in this. and i don't know how to react. is it a good or bad thing?

[caesou]

gosh do i love old habits and old thoughts kicking in again... i don't want to deal with them at all, not here, not now

[caesou]

will i have done enough? or too much?

[caesou]

low and behold, i'm still thinking of you.

[caesou]

just the thought of how high my expectations go is just really amusing... imagine a world where i didn't actually care how much or how little effort i put into things... what a world

[caesou]

you uttered, “just ten more minutes... i want to stay a little longer...”
and in that moment, i realised how much love you had for me

[caesou]

those eyes living in safety, happiness, love
they were looking at me infectiously