[`✦ / heaven is a place on earth. ━━ ]

[yves]

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ VIGIL
au, men in black-inspired ━━ character, lexi wang
word count, 1,430 ━━ date written, 14/06/2021 ━━ content warnings, hospitals

“I just got her back. I’m not losing her again.” Lexi’s confession to Ashley replayed in her head again and again. It wasn’t common for distractions to get the better of the stern agent, but Ayla’s condition in hospital kept interrupting her thoughts. Whenever Lexi tried to move forward with the mission, the same image of Ayla in the hospital bed flooded her mind, lying hopeless and unconscious. What if she woke up and Lexi wasn’t by her side? What if she wasn’t there for vital updates from the doctors? What if, in the worst-case scenario, Lexi doesn’t get to say goodbye? An endless trail of questions, and never any answers.
              When Ashley finally suggested returning to the hospital, relief washed over Lexi like a wave to the shore. Seldom did Lexi find herself longing to escape the thrilling atmosphere of a field mission. She knew Ashley meant no harm by tearing Lexi away from Ayla’s side—there was nothing she could do, and frankly she needed the distraction. But you can’t combat a distraction with another distraction, which was evident when the only thing that remained in Lexi’s mind was how her partner was doing.
              And so she sat vigil by Ayla’s side, who was lying unconscious. At least now she wasn’t connected to a series of wires like two weeks ago. A monotonous beeping of a heart monitor and countless other machines droned through the ward. It was the only thing giving Lexi an ounce of certainty: no matter how unknown she was at the moment, the one thing she positively knew was that the monitors would continue to beep and hum in the background.
              Three weeks had passed since Lexi heard her partner’s voice in real-time. Three weeks had passed since Lexi and Ayla were assigned the mission that was more dangerous that OPERA let on. Three weeks had passed since the alien parasite successfully reached Ayla’s central nervous system, provoking the medical-induced coma she was in now. Time was running out; Lexi recalled the doctors sternly saying they would only give it two months at the absolute maximum. Though Lexi was now extremely conscious of what the time was and how fast it was passing. Every minute felt like an hour, and still Ayla showed no signs of stirring. Not a single flinch or squeeze of Lexi’s hand as she held it tight. The only movement was the steady rise and fall of her chest—the only sign that Ayla was still alive and fighting.
              Ayla was more than capable, and Lexi knew her partner was one to put up a fight, but now it felt different. With a parasitic entity that attacks the brain, Ayla was rendered defenceless, lying motionless in the hospital bed. Was she even aware of where she was? Was she aware of what happened to her? Was she dreaming right now?
              Hopeless desperation always found its way back to Lexi in the end. She longed for nothing more than to see Ayla’s eyes fly open and for her to come out with one of her silly, witty one-liners as she stirred. This time, Lexi found herself yearning for her partner back by her side; for the two of them to solve missions again, and for Ayla to ramble about her theories with pupils as large as full moons. Oh, how Lexi longed to hear a conspiracy theory right now. Despite Lexi’s scepticism in things she could not see, there was something special about the way Ayla launched into an in-depth theory why pigeons are employed by the government as top-secret spies.
              If Lexi lost Ayla, there would be no more of her partner’s flamboyant and enthusiastic attitude. From the few other partners Lexi had acquainted with, none of them were like Ayla Clarke. None of them were as special as Ayla Clarke. To lose her would be such a significant part of Lexi’s life lost. What Lexi and Ayla had were special, in Lexi’s eyes, and it was something she had never felt with another woman before. They were a bond like no other, and Lexi cared about Ayla more than she dared to admit to herself. Yet she never had the chance to tell Ayla that. Through everything that happened, there was never the appropriate time, especially when Ayla was not long adjusting to worklife after disappearing off the grid for several months. It was never the right time. It was never the right time, and now the chance could have slipped from Lexi’s fingers entirely.

Staring at Ayla’s still body on the hospital bed, Lexi traced her thumb around Ayla’s palm. She looked peaceful, Lexi supposed, observing her partner. At least, that was what the doctors reassured her—like they do with everyone. All Lexi could do was sincerely hope that was the same case with Ayla. Eyes remained locked on Ayla, studying her face. Her usually uncontrollable hair now neatly framed her face, and Lexi took in every feature that was on Ayla’s countenance. Her eyes were of course closed, but all Lexi wanted was for her eyelids to slowly flutter open.
              Lexi shuffled slightly in her seat, and repositioned her grip on Ayla’s hand, her own forefinger and thumb rubbing at Ayla’s coarse palm. Oh, how she wanted nothing more than to pull Ayla into a tight embrace and just… impulsively kiss her. Lexi was finally at that stage of self-awareness.
              Silence ensued for a few moments, save for the humming of air conditioning and the beeping of the monitors. Then, Lexi finally spoke.
              “Ayla, please,” Lexi pleaded in a very unfamiliar desperate tone. “I know you can fight this. I know you’re strong. You’ve never backed down, ever, so don’t let this thing beat you down now. You’ve come so far that you can’t let it beat you down now. I need my partner back.” Lexi paused as she took a deep, shaky breath. Tears were beginning to develop; a rare moment of vulnerability. A single beat, and Lexi continued, seemingly caught in the midst of a train of thought. “Except you’re so much more than a partner. A friend, someone I can rely on, someone that I can trust, someone that I can…” There was a brief break where it looks as though Lexi was debating whether or not to continue. She glanced down awkwardly; this new sense of shyness was new for the confident agent. “I don’t know if you remember; it was months ago now. You asked me if I genuinely meant what I said and I said I needed time. Well—” A sharp, shaky exhale. You can say whatever you need to, she won’t be able to listen. ”Well, I’m ready. I’ve known it for quite some time now. You’re the only person I can see myself with. But who knows if you still feel the same way—I’m probably too late—which is why I couldn’t come out and say it on the last mission, I suppose. Maybe if I had then we wouldn’t be in this mess?“ Lexi breathed heavily. “I never realised just how special you are to me, and not only as a work partner.” Lexi sighed, giving Ayla’s hand a light squeeze. She would do anything to see those magnificent brown eyes and for her partner to stir back into consciousness.
              Lexi remained in silence for the following minutes, her hands propping up her chin as she continued her vigil. She watched Ayla’s chest rising and falling, slowly, amidst the silence.
              What Lexi thought she just witnessed next genuinely took her by surprise. She could have sworn she saw an eyelid twitching to the bright overhead light, but it could have easily been a trick of an eye. But it happened again. Slowly but surely Ayla’s eyes began to open and she started stirring, much to the immediate shock of Lexi. Doubts and concerns suddenly flooded her mind as a mildly confused look adorned Ayla’s features. What if she lost a significant amount of her memory?
              “Wow! You would not believe the bat-crazy kind of dream I had,” she croaked hoarsely, almost struggling to speak for a moment.
              An immense wave of relief washed over Lexi as tears brimmed to her eyes. She was completely mesmerised with surprise, yet her eyes still met Ayla’s. They locked eyes for several moments, like an old flame meeting his past lover. Lexi’s lips merely curled into a smile with her gaze transfixed on Ayla. Neither of their gazes flinched at all, Neither Lexi or Ayla removed their gaze. Ayla truly was back this time.

xxxx━━━

author’s note, this is not good writing. 😭 idc what anyone says but i can do better. but hey, at least lexi loves ayla more than anything in the world. ayla is lexi's home! dare i say: soulmates.

[yves]

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ BURNOUT
au, stranger things (2016—present) ━━ character, sydney trachtenberg
word count, 1,015 ━━ date written, 03/08/2021 ━━ content warnings, none

The words appeared jumbled on the page, shifting in and out of focus as Sydney attempted to reread the sentence for what felt like the hundredth time by now. Clenching and unclenching her free hand, the pile of unmarked schoolwork from her students was looming on her. It was the weekend, sure, but Sydney always had the process of finishing her day’s marking every Friday night—then the weekend was solely for catching up on rest. But she had already come so far, and Sydney was determined to finish that night. So as long as every slight background noise didn’t force her to repeat the same passage of text in her head.
              Everything appeared somewhat amplified, from the humming of the fridge to the buzzing of the light above Sydney’s head. The noises that surrounded Sydney droned on and on—and clouded her thought process to the point her head merely felt blocked. Everything frustrated her to no end. But all she needed to do was get through the last few remaining papers, and then she would be done. How hard could it be? She just had to block out the noises around her, and then she’d be fine to continue. Everyone else could do it. So, Sydney settled her head down and tried her absolute hardest to hone all her focus in on getting this job finished, ignoring the relentless headache beginning to pound at her skull.
              A key twisting the lock in the door signalled Jess finally arrived home from work, though her wife’s arrival appeared to fall on deaf ears as Sydney appeared somewhat fixated on marking her students’ homework. “Hey, Syd,” Jess called from the other end of the room before trotting across to the kitchen and placing her belongings on the table. She murmured something about the mechanics, though Sydney didn’t catch a word of it. Jess jumped onto the kitchen counter, perching on the length and making herself comfortable. “When you finish your work, how about we get a takeaway or something? My treat, y’know, plus I could freakin’ devour a whole pepperoni pizza right now.”
              Sydney’s hand clenched into a fist again. “Sh—Shut up!” Before she could stop herself, the words tumbled out of her mouth. Sydney anxiously gripped her hand into a tighter fist, to the point her nails were digging into her palms. The unpredicted yell coming from Sydney also seemed to awaken Belle, who was just starting to stir in her bed.
              “Whoa, whoa, Syd—what’s wrong?” came Jess’ voice, which obviously sounded especially shocked. Normally Sydney was very easy-going and happy-go-lucky, so to see her act out so unexpectedly, it was a telltale sign something was wrong.
Slowly, Sydney realised what she had said as the events unfolded before her. In embarrassment and frustration, she held her head in her hands, helplessly rubbing at her temples as if to stimulate a positive emotion. “I—I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I—I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry—and I’m sorry, Belle,” Sydney quickly added as the collie let out a short whine as she awoke from her nap.
              For a split second, Sydney’s anxiety told her that Jess was going to be mad at her for yelling so suddenly, but Jess’ shock quickly turned into sympathy. “No crap, Syd, that’s definitely not like you,” she let out a short chuckle, though she maintained a supportive tone. Glancing up from her hands, Sydney watched as Jess jumped down from the counter and began making her way towards the table where Sydney was sitting.
              “I—I’m fine. I’m just a little stressed, that’s all. But I’ll be fine, I promise!” Sydney forced a small smile as she attempted to push through the little blip in stubborn determination. “I’ll just finish this and then I’m done for the night, it shouldn’t take long anyw—”
              “You can finish it tomorrow, Syd, we have the whole weekend ahead of us,” Jess said reassuringly, though there was something stern about her voice that told Sydney she meant it. She looked up at Jess, and Jess could clearly notice Sydney’s oncoming stubbornness in her eyes as she hastily continued before Sydney could speak up, “You already work so freakin’ hard, and baby, we can all see that, trust me. But we all deserve a break—most of all you—and you’re definitely just extremely burnt out right now.”
              Burnout. The word rang through Sydney’s mind as though she had heard it before. The pounding headache, her sudden irritability, her sudden increased sensory input. Putting what she was feeling to the phrase, perhaps this was exactly what autistic burnout is? And at that realisation, this wasn’t the first time Sydney had been hit with burnout.
              “Come on, Syd.” Jess grabbed Sydney’s hands as though to coax her away from her work. “You know I’m not gonna let you work in this state,” she smirked, “you need rest.”
Sydney glanced up at Jess, frowning a little in stubbornness. She wanted to get it finished more than ever, because that’s what she always did every Friday, but Jess was right. Sydney felt physically drained at this point, and her head felt like it had been turned to a thick sludge. “You’re really not going to back down, are you?” Sydney questioned wearily.
              “Absolutely not.” Jess’ playful smirk continued to play on her lips. “So why don’t you call it a night, eh? We can order that pizza in, and get a bundle of blankets down and pile onto the couch all night long. Hey, we can even sift through the Disney DVDs we own as well. It can be your choice, too.”
              Sydney perked up a little. “I’d like that a lot.” She gave a tired smile, though the idea of rewatching a Disney movie seemed to give Sydney enough energy to heave herself up from the chair. “Thanks, Jessie.” Jess pulled Sydney into a tight hug, placing a reassuring kiss on her forehead.
              “Don’t mention it, Syd, I just want to make sure you’re okay. But let’s go, there’s a pizza with my name on—and probably a Disney movie with your name on.”

[yves]

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ TOLERATE IT
au, 1800s england ━━ character, harriet vance
word count, 1,122 ━━ date written, 18/09/2021 ━━ content warnings, homophobia, q slur

Harriet’s mind raced as she recounted the past events of that afternoon. Staring out the large window that overlooked her home’s gardens, Harriet watched as the leaves swayed in the midsummer breeze and a flock of birds flew overhead. The past couple of hours were still fresh in her mind. She was tumbling down the grassy hillside in the grounds and darting through the woods with Arabelle. But that wasn’t what Harriet’s mind was focused on. At the bottom of the hill, Harriet fell on top of Arabelle and—the moment their eyes met—Arabelle had leaned up to kiss her. The two friends were only in-character as two young women in their fictional world, but it was something that Harriet couldn’t get out of her head.
              She had been playing with Arabelle since they were children, and their characters always got close, but they never got so close as to actually kiss. Their lips met for a second, and Harriet felt her stomach tingle and the heat rise to her cheeks. It was as though the wall between make-believe and real-life was beginning to crumble. Arabelle had never kissed her before, yet once Harriet had gotten over the initial shock of Arabelle’s gesture, she had already pulled away. All Harriet desperately wanted was to kiss her again, but all they were doing was playing in-character. At that moment, they were just Dorothea and Aurore, and Harriet didn’t want to break her character.
              It was a lingering thought in her mind for the past thirty minutes. Harriet had received kisses from her two former fiancés, but none of them stuck in her head like Arabelle’s kiss. Yet they were just playing as fictional characters. That’s all it was; it was only ever about the story of Dorothea and Aurore, and their journey from strangers to yearning lovers. If Harriet was now genuinely beginning to feel something for Arabelle, in the real world, surely it would change everything.
              And perhaps, Harriet realised, these were feelings she had been feeling for longer than now.

A familiar trail of heavy footsteps down the corridor startled Harriet from her daydream, immediately sitting up straight and snapping her gaze away from the window. As the footsteps became closer, Harriet caught a glimpse of her mother making a beeline for her room through the door frame. Oh, God. No. Panic spread throughout Harriet’s body as she worried what her own mother would think about her little venture in the woods that afternoon. She kissed a girl. It would drive her mother to an early grave.
              To Harriet’s horror, her mother’s raised tone only confirmed something was up.
              “Well, young lady, what do you have to say for yourself?” Margaret said coolly, albeit at a raised volume, as she charged into her daughter’s room. Catching sight of her daughter’s look of pure shock, she merely pressed on, “Where were you today?”
              “I—I was just walking the grounds—I was alone,” Harriet replied hastily. She felt her voice hitch in her throat. Margaret always reprimanded her children for lying, sternly telling them that lying is and always will be an ugly trait—for sinners. At the same time, Harriet panicked for what else she could say but lie. Arabelle was not only the girl she kissed on her family’s grounds, but also the daughter of Harriet’s dad’s rival business partner. The love Harriet felt for Arabelle was not only sinful, but also betraying her family.
              “Don’t you try lying to me, young lady.” Margaret glared at her daughter; Harriet could already feel a disapproving glint in her mother’s eyes. “William saw you with that Arabelle in the woods, today as a matter of fact! He told me the two of you were extremely close—"
              Harriet gulped. He didn’t see Arabelle kissing Harriet, though, surely? After attempting to swallow the lump in her throat, Harriet finally came back with an ounce of extra courage, “Oh, so you think that because I’m friends with a girl, then it must mean I love her and want to marry her?!”
              “They saw you two kissing, Harriet!” Margaret sighed heavily, raising one hand and pressing her palm against her forehead. “It’s bad enough you're frolicking off with the girl you know is from our rival family—but kissing her! Good Heavens, I thought I raised you better than this!"
              “It wasn’t real, Mother! They’re just our char—" pleaded Harriet before she could restrain herself.
              “For Heaven’s sake, Harriet! Don’t tell me you're still creating those silly make-believe stories like you did when you were a child! That is no way for a woman to behave,” tutted Margaret, but Harriet merely shuffled awkwardly in her seat. The comment stung like salt in a wound; Harriet’s stories shared with Arabelle were a special part of her, detailing a fictional world that had been around for years. “What does this mean for you, anyway? Heavens, don’t tell me you’re queer just like your brother.” The words dug deep in Harriet’s skin like nails, as if her own mother had grabbed her harshly by the arm.
              “Well, no, I—I am not like Walter, Mother, I promise—”
              Margaret momentarily glanced up, and then back down again, as if to ignore Harriet. As a shaky sigh escaped her lips, she paced around the bedroom, murmuring under her breath, “Where did we ever go wrong? Henry and I did everything right—I did everything that was required of me. Oh my, is this why none of the fiancés ever worked out? I feel like such a fool, how come I didn’t pick this up before?” was all Harriet could make out from her seat by the window. “Well, anyways,” Margaret clicked her tongue. “Whatever is going on between you and Miss Harris ends here. I do not want you two seeing each other again, and from now on you will only leave the house with a chaperone.”
              “Mother, I—”
              “That’s enough. I don’t want to hear another word from you about this,” Margaret interrupted. Harriet looked up and attempted to answer back, but Margaret hastily turned around and hurried out of the room. With a pause, she looked around, murmured to Harriet, “I am extremely disappointed in you, Harriet,” and swiftly continued through the threshold.
              Disappointed. That was the word that sliced deep like a dagger. Her own mother was disappointed in her own daughter for feeling such an innocent emotion such as love. Being prohibited from seeing Arabelle again felt like the end of the world for Harriet; she was the only person who could bring out a genuine smile and crack an honest laugh from Harriet. She longed to be back in Arabelle’s arms, although maybe not in-character this time. Harriet yearned for the real thing.