Dear Saltface...Diary of a Misunderstood PPS Kid

[Nuky 101]

Love it! ^^

[VesVes]

Thanks!

Dear Saltface,

I just got a panic attack right there. Snowy is my girlfriend! She shouldn't be kissing Derek!

I ducked out of the way and sped back to Hershey and Ice.

"Who pushed your panic button?" Hershey asked.
"Lemme guess...Snowy kissing another guy?" Ice asked. I nodded.
"Well, at least there's our yearly trip to the mountains to look forward to," Hershey tried to cheer me up.
"And I got the bacon ready!" Ice shouted. I rolled my eyes.

You see, every family trip to the mountains, Ice and Hermione try to lure a mountain lion in the campsite and capture it. So far, every attempt to even attract one of those cats has failed. They say they want the big cat to be their friend, but I think that they want to kill themselves. Or the mountain lion. The rest of us tell them that it's dangerous, but do they listen? No!

"Oh, great," I responded to Hershey and Ice, "Another trip where our one big happy family camps out in the bitter cold and snow and my weird sisters want to make friends with a mountain lion."
"It will be fun!" Ice encouraged me. "The mountain lion will come. I can feel it."
"It will come to eat us all," Hershey muttered under his breath.

Just then, Snowy and Derek came laughing together around the corner.

"That girl needs a serious talking-to," I muttered under my breath.

See ya later, Salty.

[nostalgiatech]

omg! epic. if i could ask this...more!
(Farticus is updated)

[VesVes]

Dear Saltface,

I waited until Snowy wasn't sticking to Derek like...like...something that sticks to something else, but pleasantly. Not like gum to the bottom of a pawpad. (EWWW, there's something I find completely disgusting about used gum. If I see some under a desk or in a crack of the wall, I freak out. Not like a girly freak out, but more of a manly freak out. Swearing is involved.)

Anywaaayyyy...I went up to her.

"Hi, Snowy!" I said like nothing was wrong.
"Hi!" Snowy greeted me. "Sorry I took so long, I was--"
"Kissing another guy?" I asked.
Snowy became confused. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Just then, Derek came out of nowhere. "Hi, Snowflake. Bell is almost ready to ring."

It is? No no no no no no...I don't want to go to P.E. today!

You see, today Mr. Unicorn is substituting. And he is the meanest teacher ever!

First of all, if you call him by his first name (Happy Birthday), you die. Not literally, of course.

Yes, his full name is Happy Birthday Unicorn.

Second of all...well, you'll see.

As we got on the field, Happy Birthday was waiting for us.

"Girls, sit on the benches!" he immediantly barked.
"Why?" One girl asked.
"Because you're useless. Now SIT!!!"

One the girls sat down, Happy commanded: "Boys, fifty push-ups! NOW!!"

So that is how P.E. went.

After school, Whirlpool came up to me and Hershey and asked us, "Do you want to see my new snake?"
"Yeah!" I told him.
He smiled. "Ice can come too. Her boyfriend is also invited..."
"Can't wait," Hershey told him.

I wonder what Whirlpool named his snake?

Bye for now, Salty.

[VesVes]

Dear Saltface,

There's the bell. School is out! And I am going to see Whirlpool's new snake!

So, Whirlpool, Goliath, Mercury, Ice, Hershey, and I are walking to his house.

You're wondering why Goliath is coming with us? He is Whirlpool's brother, if you don't remember.

Anywaaaaayyyy...

We immediantly crowded in Whirlpool's bedroom. And there she was. She's a beautiful pilot snake, otherwise known as a black rat snake.
"What's her name?" Ice asked.
"Nagaina," Whirlpool told us. "Named after the female cobra in the story Rikki Tikki Tavi."
"You should get a mate for her, and name him Nag," Hershey suggested.
"Baby snakes are the last thing we want," Whirlpool replied.

He then showed us how much she can stretch her jaws by giving her a rat. It was awesome seeing the power in the jaw muscles of a snake.

After a while, we went home. Or in my case, our giant SUV. We still haven't got a new house after the fire. When Hershey, Ice, and I got there, our parents were waiting for us.

"Before we go on our vacation, there is something that must be done," Mum told us.

It turned out that she made Ice and Hermione write "I will not feed the mountain lions" thirty times and recite it to us. But those two had their paws crossed behind their back the whole time they recited it to us, so I knew that they were telling a big fat lie. But Mum and Dad didn't notice that.

Luckily, our camping gear was in the car when the fire started, so we still had that, including my suitcase that I was too lazy to unpack.

"And we're off!" Dad shouted as he started driving.

I wonder what lies in store for this vacation?

See ya later, Saltface.

BTW, Rikki Tikki Tavi is a REAL (And awesome!) story.

[Miss Captain Sexy]

This is great! I have apet diary too...

[VesVes]

I've read your pet diary, Yummeh CupCake! And I think yours is great, too!

Dear Saltface,

By the time we arrived, it was already dark. Our campsite was pretty cool. There were four cabins. They were in sort of a circle around this patio thing. Surrounding the cabins was heaps of rugged, snowy mountains.

Two of the cabins were our sleeping areas. One was for boys, one was for girls. Mum was sharing with the girls, while Dad camped out with us boys. Our cabin was pretty sweet. It had a huge couch, plus a number of chairs and tables, a couple of awesome lamps, four beds, and a TV! The view outside the windows was absolutely amazing. Cassius saw a fox, who, according to Cassius, waved at us. I believe him, since he is the most truthful out of our one big happy family.

The other two cabins were the kitchen and the bathroom. They were nothing special.

Finally, we settled down to sleep. My bed was really cozy, especially since I was used to sleeping in the back seat of a car.

I woke up the next morning to a very loud noise. I was surprised that none of the others had woken up yet.

I went to investigate. And I saw the strangest thing.

It was a flock of ravens. And they were parading. And singing the "Do You Like Waffles" song.

"Do you like waffles?" the lead raven asked.
"Yes we like waffles!" the other ravens chorused.
"Do you like pancakes?"
"Yes we like pancakes!"
"Do you like French toast?"
"Yes we like French toast!"

It was the most pathetic thing ever. Those birds had such off-key voices.

Suddenly, one of them spotted me.
"It's a wolf!" it shouted, pointing at me.

Suddenly, they started running around in different directions, saying things like:
"OMG!!!!"
"OH NOEZ!!!"
"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!"

I did not just chatspeak in my journal.

Anyway, the lead raven just walked up to me, pointed in my face, put its eyes up to mine, and asked in a very dramatic voice: "Do you like waffles?"
"No," I told it. It's true. I'm not very fond of waffles. I had a bad experience with them once.

"KILL IT!!" the lead raven screeched.
The ravens surrounded me. There were a lot, and it did seem sort of scary. They meant it for sure. I needed to think fast.

"What if I told you what my name is?" I asked.
"What is your name?" One raven asked.
"Voldemort," I snarled. Apparently they all read Harry Potter, because they all flew away, screaming like little girls.

Talk about strange.
Gotta go, Salty. I need to make up for lost sleep.

[Zeruko]

This is so epic. I luff it, yush I do....MOAR!

<3

[~Ktalinfadri~]

I don't like waffles either.

[VesVes]

Waffles are okay, in my opinion. But pancakes are so much better...

So far, Liluye is winning with four votes. I will be running this poll for a few more days.