I wrote a thing

[Inevitablis Orbivium]

Hello there world. i wrote a thing. *gasps*
Yeah. Review. Tell me if you like it. most likely crap.
Whatever. (Oh and keep in mind i copy paste this from a google drive so formatting might be crap)

Prologue

I don’t feel. That’s what they took from me. What I got in return is so small I don’t even feel it anymore. I can’t remember what I asked for. People would tell me that I asked for physical attributes, but that didn’t seem like old me. That seemed like something my “friends” would do. I can’t tell if they’re my friends, although I think they’re what friends are supposed to me. They haven’t traded in yet. I think I might have asked for wisdom and courage, I have those things now. I remember being afraid of things, although fear is taken from you when you can no longer feel.
I’m glad I don’t.
People talk about how sad they are. How they “want” things. I can’t want. I can’t regret. Others will talk about how they like people, and how they want to get things. How they want to change their old Wish. How they want to make a decision about their Wish.
Sometimes I Wish I could feel. That’s the thing that’s strange. It seems I didn’t give away all of my feelings. I can still Wish. Maybe that’s so they could get more Wishes from me. A Reversal.
Reversals cost a life. A life you take. A human life. I can’t get a Reversal.
The only time I Wish I could feel is when people talk about “love” and “happiness.” Liking someone seems like such a pain, such an inconvenience. Mutual love however, seems like something that’s so interesting. So...fun. Minorly enjoyable. People talk about how they can get back what they traded away, it takes years. Reversals aren’t needed.
Some people talk about how they kept a Wish and took back what they traded. Through something extraordinary. I’ve always imagined a shooting star coated with blue. I like blue more, it seems so soft. So kind. I remember kindness. I wish I could give out kindness like people hand out roses, how they give away words, how they give away their happiness.
When I first traded it all away. They taught me how to think. How to speak. No more words like want and happy and relief. No more words like fear and terror and hate. All objective. All that i had left were colors. Colors were left unchanged. I could still feel beauty. I asked my “parents” if they did it wrong. Why I could still feel beauty, minor annoyance, wishes. They told me it was in case I wanted a Reversal. They had to have something to build off of. One time I asked them why they had to take things. “Because dear, that way you can understand how life works.” I didn’t understand that.
I still don’t.

[Inevitablis Orbivium]

Chapter 1


Today I went outside. The sun coated world has oranges and blues and yellows. Green was lost. Green was trees. I remember that from school, or whatever school was at the time. They took the important memories as well. “They have too many memories on them,” They would say. I don’t think that was true, but disobedience isn’t allowed. You’re getting a wish from Them after all.
Do they like us?
I don’t think so. I think they’re here to punish us. They decided to give us wishes to see how much we would give up.
Today I watched the news in the shop window. I can’t go inside, you have to pay for a “Door Opening Fee.” I can’t afford it. (I don’t like it) Another Reversal occurred. The man who did it will not be arrested. The man who did it will be rewarded for his violence. He is given his Wish and what he traded. This is incredibly unfair to others. (This is disgusting) I do not have a job yet, it has only been 4 months after my wish. Some people get 5 years until their first job. I go to the post office to check my mail again. I pay my Door Opening Fee. That is in my budget. I have to check my mail once a day. Sometimes I wish I did not have to pay my Door Opening Fee. I cannot wish for feeble things.
The mail gives me a gift today. It gives me a job notice. I have gotten a job I once desired. I am allowed to work at a simple office job. I am given my office clothes. I have three additional pairs. Simple jobs are the ones I used to find luckiest. There were no expectations and there were some livable wages. Some people Wish to be more interesting. To have luck and money. I decided to believe I Wished for intelligence. That would get me my office job.
The Rules are simple. (challenging) They give us freedom. (a cage) They allow us to find a partner. I have no need for a partner. I do not love. I do not like. Sometimes people tell me I have no heart. I attempt to find my heartbeat sometimes, even now. I can’t. I have decided that if someone tells me they enjoy my company, that they love me, that they like my personality, I will be with them. I will try my best to love them. I will make an attempt.
I believe I will fail.
Sometimes people say that They will give you some of what you gave away when you get a partner. This is because reproduction is an important part of society. I will get my emotions. I wish for a partner sometimes. I wish for my emotions. I am not allowed to wish for simple things. I am not allowed to do many things. Those of same genders are not allowed to partner. This is not helpful for reproduction. Those who are infertile are not allowed to partner. This is not helpful for reproduction. Those who are unable to bear children with one another are not allowed to partner. This is not helpful for reproduction. These Rules are drilled into my mind.
I wish they weren’t.
Tomorrow is my first day at my new job. As it is for 12 new applicants. One Wished a week ago. I believe they will not be well adjusted. For the first time in a long time, I can feel my heartbeat. I am nervous.

[PacificSelkie]

This actually impressed and intrigued me right away. You've written well. The voice of the narrator reflects their internal situation in a way that feels genuine and makes me want to know more. More about this character, about Wishes, about Them and Their dystopia. I would really like to read more of this.

[silverapplesauce]

Woah, I am impressed by this, this is cool!

[Inevitablis Orbivium]

Wow thanks for all the kind comments. I actually thought people would be like. "Hey this resembles other books!" in a weird voice. I came up with this idea after reading Delirium and that writing WAS SO GOOD! it's still stuckk in my headdddd.
Anyway. Thanks. I write responses way weirder than I write stories. (Btw i have a doc if anyone wants link i dont share cuz im gonna add swears) DONT BE AFRAID TO TELL ME I SUCK! Gimme that good criticism. i mean
be nice
but
criticism
(Reccomend shows on Netflix I write faster when I'm kinda watching on my computer.)
Chapter 2


Today I went to work. My office job in my office clothes. What a simple action. I was given the enrollment lesson. There was another girl there. She glanced at me and smiled. I wonder what it is like to smile honestly. I smiled back, that is what I was told to do. “Smiling back is a simple response and will inform your peers of general kindness.” That is what they told me. That is what they tell those of us who decided to trade away their emotions.
The split us into groups and told us what to do. My group was all females and one male. The girl who smiled at me was also in the group. “You will all be working together for the rest of your current careers. You may request a career change after a month of working with us. Your job is Finances. Good luck.” said the overly cheerful woman. I felt like the false cheeriness was infecting me. I almost smiled out of instinct.
I remember what her name was, the girl who smiled. Her name was Mara. I liked that name.
Mara walked over to me, she almost looked graceful. Nearly impossible to do in the strangely tight clothing that all of us wore. She bent down and smiled at me with her hands behind her back. Her long reddish-brown hair laid down onto my desk as she smiled. It has to be tied up in a bun or ponytail I thought to myself. That was regulation. Nobody appeared to mind though, I would not comment on this. “Hi there!” She said cheerfully. I nodded back to her while typing, “Hello,” I said quietly, she’d startled me. I made an error.
I didn’t fix it.
She seemed unfazed by my seeming lack of interest. This made me feel something akin to happiness. “So it looks like I’m going to be working right next to ya!” She said joyfully. This girl obviously did not trade away her feelings. “So what’s your name? I missed it during orientation.” She said, obviously a bit embarrassed. I wanted to sigh, however I was told that is considered rude. I am not allowed to sigh anymore.
I sighed anyway.
“Imala” I murmured. What an odd name. My parents must’ve been feeling creative and gone off the designated list. Nobody teased me though. Not as far as I can recall, which isn’t very much, however at this one moment I cursed my name. Mara looked away from me for a small moment, “Imala,” She said carefully, as if trying to make sure she didn’t lose it. Maybe she traded part of her mind, short term memory was a common one to give away.
I wish I’d given that away instead.
She glanced back at me. “That’s a nice name. We should hang out after work, maybe get some food or something.” I stopped typing as I looked up at her. It was the first time I actually got a good look at her face. Brown eyes, average nose, average lips, average eyebrows.
She did not wish for physical perfections.
In school we learned of the Events. The Events that led up to Wishing. That it all started by someone who decided to dig up an old seed. This is what they used to use to teach us about things like how anyone can make a big impact, or a simple event can set off a chain reaction.
I set off a chain reaction.
“I’d like to go eat some food.”

[Inevitablis Orbivium]

Chapter 3

Eating food, what a simple thing. Making friends, slightly less simple. Making a Wish, a bit challenging. Falling in love, impossible. These are truths of the world I know.
Sometimes I believe I can feel, I just choose not to.
Work was simple, I am very good at math. I do not remember being good at math before the Wish. Accounting, finances, whatever it is, is math at its core. I like math. Mara didn’t appear to be very good at it, I fixed 2 errors she made. She didn’t appear to notice these errors.
People who make too many errors are deleted.
I exited work. I did not have to pay a Door Opening Fee. Door Opening Fees are not applied when you are at a place for business purposes. Mara ran up to me as I left the building. How is she able to run in heels? I wonder, I am very clumsy. Perhaps she Wished to be graceful. “I thought we were going to eat somewhere.” She says, the look in her eyes seems to be disappointment. Is she sad I have appeared to forget?
I am sad I forgot.
I nod. “I forgot. Sorry.” I say sorry honestly for the first time in a long time. Mara seems to sense the honesty. “It’s cool! C’mon, I know a great place for food.” She leaned in closer to me. “No Door Opening Fee.” She whispered into my ear, as if it were a secret. I wanted to giggle at the ridiculousness of it. “Let’s go there.” I said.
And I smiled.
It was a simple area. An outdoor place where people could order cheap, poorly made food. However, there was grass, the first green I have seen in such a long time. I like the color green. It’s the color of emeralds and eyes and frogs and bugs. It is the color someone once told me my eyes were. Green was an expensive color. Green products are hard to find and even harder to buy.
This made me happy.
I was beginning to understand how Mara got her extensive cheerfulness. Some say that the color green makes people happy. This place would make someone happy. Even me. “How’d you find this place?” I asked her. It wasn’t crowded, and people normally flocked over to places where you could sit near grass. She looked away from the menu. “A friend told me. We hang out here sometimes.” That made sense. It sent a small pang of sadness through me. I don’t have any friends anymore. They got sick of me.
I never liked them either. At least that’s what my memories say.
She paused for a moment, as if she had said something wrong. “Is something wrong?” I asked her, she was displaying all of the signs of sadness. “They were used for the Reversal today. So I guess we used to hang out here sometimes.” She shuddered ever so slightly. “It’s fine, it’s life. We move on.” I shifted uncomfortably.
“I’m sorry.”

[Inevitablis Orbivium]

Chapter 4

Apologies were always a tough thing for me. That was accepting weakness, that was accepting a mistake. Whether it be someone else’s or your own. Accepting them was even worse. You had to actually forgive someone for their misgivings. I didn’t like to forgive people. I remember that much. I liked to make them work for my forgiveness. Exhibit A: The time someone tried to get my attention by stabbing me. Then apologizing while saying they didn’t mean to stab me with the pencil. The teacher made me accept the apology.
Afterwards I told the stabby girl that I hated her. She cried. I walked away calmly.
Mara however, did not seem to dislike accepting apologies. Instead she seemed to dislike the fact that I had to say sorry at any point ever. “Oh you don’t need to apologize. It’s really my fault for bringing it up. It’s just so odd that it would be them. They didn’t make any enemies. But yeah. I should really just stop talking about it. But you shouldn’t feel like you need to apologize.” I shifted awkwardly again. I didn’t want to look at her face. I knew it’d be a sad one. I didn’t know how to respond to sadness.
I was always sad.
“It’s fine.” I murmured. We sat down in the grass without any food. I’d gotten a simple drink. Fruit juice. Mara had gotten something fancier. Something with cream and ice. Part of me envied her. I used to like cream. I remember that much. The grass was soft. Softer than I remember grass being. Then again, I’d never touched grass that had water.
Or life for that matter.
After a bit, Mara finally decided to break the awkward silence. At least I think it was awkward. “So why are you so quiet anyway?” She asked me. I have not been asked a personal question in a very long time. I couldn’t tell if it was personal or not. I’m sure it was, it was a question about me. I finally decided to respond. “I can’t tell when I’m supposed to talk, so why talk in the first place?” I say, trying to be a bit louder. Loud enough so that she wouldn’t have to strain to hear me. She giggles. It sounds like little bells chiming in the wind.
I’ve never heard bells.
“Oh thank god.” I frowned slightly. “Oh not that i meant that it’s good that you’re awkward or anything. It’s just that…” Mara sighed and paused as she tucked some hair behind her ear. “I thought you hated me.” She said, as if she were embarrassed to have even thought that. Of course, it was ridiculous. Those who traded away feelings do not have the ability to hate. I smiled. It felt so unnatural. “I wouldn’t hate you.” I said, almost laughing.
The correct term was couldn’t.

[Inevitablis Orbivium]

Chapter 5

Things are very simple in my world. I live in a neighborhood where people don’t feel. This way I am not confronted. People live with people like them. The only exception to this is work. People who are exceptional in a certain job will work in that job no matter what. People who do not want a Wish will be terminated. Put on a list where people who want Reversals will be recommended there. It is impossible to cover the entire world with Wishes and Reversals. That system can not be enforced everywhere. To combat this there are Neverlands. Lands that one does not go into. They will never go there. They have never existed. Nothing lives in there. Rumors say that people live there. Rumors say that people who live there are against this world of Reversals and Wishes.
I am against this world too.
I get ready for work once again. It is beginning to become routine. A week since the start of it all and I’ve already adjusted. Work, Mara, and Sleep. Those are three constants. Today had no constant. Today was an outlier.
Because today Work was changed.
Today I sat near Mara. We talked occasionally, sometimes she would laugh about how odd or direct my responses were. Sometimes I’d laugh too. But then things changed.
Very very quickly.
The first sign was the sudden splotch of color on the wall. A bright orange that reminded me of a setting sun. And a burning phoenix. What is a phoenix? Then I finally wondered why the spot of paint appeared on the wall in the first place. “Pop pop pop.” Went the world as I stood up. Paintballs were shot into the security cameras, covering them with the colors of a world long gone. I looked around as I saw some of my coworkers pick up a paintball gun from the original soldiers. I looked to my right, Mara had been there.
She was smiling.
She didn’t pick up a paintball gun, but she did cheer. She grinned at me. All I could do was stare, my mouth agape. A boy came over to me, he couldn’t be any older than me. How young he was to be a soldier against a world of Wishes and Reversals. He held out packets filled with colored powder. Mara grabbed three rows of them. They reminded me of drugs seen in movies.
And I took the rest.

[Inevitablis Orbivium]

Chapter 6

The thing about the Outsiders, is that they cover the world with their colors. Which is actually all of the vibrant ones. This is supposedly to combat the fact that all of the official government colors are greyed blues and dull greens. At least that’s what rumors say. I love the town after they rampage throughout. They throw colored powders at buildings and fabrics and metal. Some of the powder even smells like flowers. I’ve never seen flowers. They are evil. (They cover the world in paint and powder and fun and laughter and joy.) Someday I will join them.
Today I will create colored powders and flowers.
She glanced back at me, as if she were impressed that I had the guts to grab a pack. It was against the Rules, but one could always say that they grabbed some to prevent the spread of color. Therefore nobody was ever prosecuted. I gingerly threw a pack of color at a nearby chair. It hid the ground with a slight thump. The boy laughed at me. “First time huh? You actually have to, ya know,” He threw a packet at a wall where it exploded. A spot of pink chalk was on my shoulder and in my hair. I shook my head lightly to shake it off. “Throw it.” He said, completing his sentence.
So I threw it. And it exploded.
And I giggled and shrieked like a little girl seeing a bug for the first time in her life. The boy grinned and grabbed my arm. We ran down the stairs. I was faintly aware of footsteps behind me. As I looked back I saw Mara’s unmistakeable gracefulness. I was almost angry about how easily she ran in heels. The boy led me into the street and all three of us threw powder and paint and color at the walls and the streets and the world.
And I felt joy.
What a miraculous thing joy is. It completely transforms you. Suddenly, all you want is to feel more joy. You’ll go back to what give you joy. It is then I realize that the powder is truly a drug. One that most likely won’t have lasting effects on my health. Mara threw a small pack of color at me and my clothes. I’d have to wash them soon. The boy threw one at his friends and I threw one at Mara. People of bright blues and pinks and yellows and purples and greens were running around laughing and talking. Even those who I knew had traded their feelings. And that’s when I realized something.
I could feel right now.

[Vluwu]

I must say, I'm really loving the story!
It's all very well written, and the way the story flows is very intriguing ♥
The plot seems really good so far, I can't wait to find out more about the characters ;0;


- Bookmarking! Hope to see updates on this.