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Marathon

Postby Gladis » Sun Sep 10, 2017 1:57 pm

    I want to stop, I want to take a break. To catch my breath.
    Sadly it doesn't work that way,
    there is no escape or release

    when your own mind is the enemy.
Last edited by Gladis on Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:03 am, edited 4 times in total.
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I don't get to see you often, but I know you are beautiful

Postby Gladis » Sun Sep 17, 2017 11:29 am

    She is the ocean.
    On good days, her serenity captures the heart of others.
    She harbors life & has the strength to hold up a thousand ships.
    On bad days, she is destruction. Chaos.
    Bringing all things to an end.
    At night, she is silent. It is solemn, yet it is everything she wanted.

    Oh tell me, what have you done to make her like this?
    Were you the sailor who cast out every night,
    telling her there were better, more beautiful oceans out there?
    Did you tell her, the sadness the ocean brought?

    For a long, long time she was invested on other beautiful things,
    that she forgot she was no longer a lake or a river.
    She forgot that she, too, is a beautiful ocean, capable of many things.

    She lets out a sigh.
    Whatever it may be, she is persistent.
    Nothing holds her back.

    She is capable of drowning out the pain of when you left.
Last edited by Gladis on Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:03 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Secrets

Postby Gladis » Tue Sep 19, 2017 5:26 pm

    I wish someone could tell me the secrets - on how to not feel sad anymore.
    Because there are days I'd rather not feel anything at all than to
    feel like this.
Last edited by Gladis on Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:04 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Letting go of the past

Postby Gladis » Thu Sep 28, 2017 2:19 pm

    I am only a dandelion in a garden of flowers. I am only a dandelion in a garden of many, many flowers alike. Dandelions are common; almost too common for a flower with no significance.
    Rarely do you hear someone say, "dandelions are so beautiful."

    I was not always a flower. I was not always like this.

    Before I bloomed, I was once a weed. They tried to remove me with their poisoned words, a type of weed killer. They cut me of my roots. Pulled me of my place. Told me that I was not a flower, I did not belong. Things would be better if I were a rose - but life simply doesn't work that way.

    They blew away the seeds of my heart, hoping their wishes (pieces of my heart) would carry away with the wind. & thus, I have no more love to give. I had wasted it all away.

    & that's why I still fear myself. I may be a flower now, but it does not erase the fact that I was once a weed & I will always be a weed.
    & if I'm good at pretending, people will forget about the pathetic being that was once me. & even so, I doubt myself. Because rarely do you hear someone say "dandelions are so beautiful." & even when they do, the temptation to pick a different flower overcomes them. I don't blame them; I wouldn't pick a dandelion in a garden of flowers either. I grew up hating dandelions. My father told me they were a pest to our garden, & that's exactly what I am in this place.

    I get so terrified of other's affections. Because I don't see what they see in me. Because the first person to pick me realized that he could get so, so much more than a simple weeded flower. Because I know how easy it is to overlook me. Because I know you won't be the first one to do so.

    But I overlook many aspects of dandelions too. Perhaps there is more to me than the curved spine of my leaves. Perhaps there is beauty in my yellow lion mane & cotton edged wishes. Maybe thousands of people will overlook me. But I know, I know that somebody would bend over & see the beauty in the flower of sunshine. & that's enough for me to go on.

    Perhaps I am insignificant. I am just one of billions in this garden of flowers. But this garden is also my garden, built for me to live & thrive. I may have once been a weed - but there is no point in regretting the past. I can only move forward.
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Healing of the heart

Postby Gladis » Sun Oct 22, 2017 7:14 pm

    first therapy session: I was terrified.
    But she said to me


      ”Beauty stems from the inside.
      There is (so much) pain in being (so) young.
      But darling, trust me when I say:

      you’re as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.”
    She tells me to look at the reflection in front of me & to identify what I like about the person in front of me.

    My mind has gone quiet, like the calm drizzling of rain after a thunderstorm. & I know she’ll wake up & curse me again, but for now I sit & tilt my face towards the sky.

      I thank this shell, made from bone & flesh, for giving me the beauty of existence.
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Regrets

Postby Gladis » Sun Oct 29, 2017 6:56 am

    Now that I'm almost at the end of my story, I finally have the chance to look back at my life.
    The only regret I have is that I was too invested in finding a place to belong.

    I am glad that switching into a new life taught me how to let go. But that lesson came at a price.

    I wish I had focused more on academics rather than my self-image, love, & emotions. My high achieving grades now are too late to make a difference. If only I could show them my full potential. My dad says it was only part of my maturing process. I have grown so much.

    But this close to the end [almost] before I start my new life.

    I know where I want to go when I start over again. I know who I want to be.
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Postby Gladis » Mon Oct 30, 2017 5:58 pm

    She preaches love & purity,

    as she spits out her heart & crafts her face
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Postby Gladis » Mon Oct 30, 2017 7:01 pm

    who am I in this lonely world?
    My eyes are not as good as they used to be!

    & my mind keeps sinking
    & sinking
    & sinking
    & sinking

    until I can’t think anymore.
    & I keep wishing
    & wishing
    & wishing
    & wishing

    that I’ll be happy again.
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Postby Gladis » Wed Nov 08, 2017 4:38 pm

    Just tell me you don't love me; so I can finally leave
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It's okay!!!

Postby Gladis » Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:17 am

    I know I don't have the type of face I want.
    I don't have a perfect, tall nose
    or skinny face or a pointed chin
    or big eyes & long lashes

    But I know I will be okay

    & that

    I am still capable of many, many great things ♡
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