Preferably read 94 before reading this one, however it is not necessary.
- Things in life are never quite fair. It's been five years since the death of my best friend Max. You think by now I'd be over it? Well, if so, you're wrong. Completely.
Max meant the world to me. Eventually I developed a crush on him that I was too afraid to talk to him about. I knew for a fact he wasn't gay, so what was the point? And even now after his death? I have no idea how to move on.
Max.. was my everything. He still is!
And he's been gone for five years now.
So why can't I get over it? Why must I be like this? Why do I think like this? There are so many questions that go unanswered in life and those are just some that will probably never be answered. At least, never with a right answer.
Max's brother and I have gotten closer over the years. I thought his family would be disgusted by me and blame me for his death just as I did myself. However, they didn't. It makes me happy but sad at the same time. I feel as if his brother is already over his death and here I am.. I didn't even know the boy for that long, let alone my whole life, and his sibling is already over it?
God, I really am crazy, aren't I?
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about his passing. Whenever I'm alone or not doing much it just pops up in my mind and it sucks. A lot.
People really don't understand why I blame myself for him dying. Isn't it obvious? I was the driver and I drove right into a tree when I was looking at my phone. I still wish that it was me who died rather than Max. Max didn't deserve it. He had a whole life ahead of him, with the hopes of becoming a doctor! What do I have to look forward to? Nothing compared to what he did. So why, please answer this, why wasn't it me?
I was the driver! I was the one who wasn't paying attention!
He even tried to warn me but I was too late to even notice. I was such an idiot, wasn't I? Gosh darn it, I still am! He didn't deserve what happened to him one bit.
His brother tells me everyday that it's alright and he's in a better place now. I appreciate him trying to calm me down in a way, but it didn't help me at all. I wish he could stop trying to help me there and just be my friend. I wish I could forget about everything that happened. I wish that I could go back in time and not look at that stupid text message! I wish that we didn't even agree to go to that stupid party.
Most importantly, I wish he was still here with me, by my side. Like we promised.
I smiled brightly at him, out of breath. "Haha, nice game!" I called out, running over to him to give him a high-five. He also seemed a bit tired, so I just suggested we take a rest.
"Hey.." Max said out of nowhere, which made me look over at him. "I know we're best friends and all.. and, uh.. can you promise me something?"
All I did was nod my head. Promises are easy to keep, right? "What's up?"
"Promise to.. always be by my side unlike my dad?" I frowned at him. His dad wasn't a good person at all. He left the boy's family when he was only the age of three. His mother struggled keeping up with three children, but somehow, the amazing woman never failed.
"Of course, Max. I promise."
That promise was not easy to keep and I feel awful for it. Even if we were both twelve back then, and he forgot about the promise most likely, it still meant a lot to me.
And I just broke it.
The greatest thing, is you Max. I miss you dearly, best friend.. I'm sorry.
