[realisms] ,,

[selenite.]

re·al·ism (noun)

the quality or fact of representing a person, thing, or situation accurately or in a way that is true to life.

i write words which may never be able to completely convey the emotions that come with life.
however, i will try my best to grasp every detail i can and hopefully form art which others can
relate to. everything i'm recording here is raw, the exact emotions life strikes upon me.

[selenite.]

i didn't mean to disappear last night but the liquid courage was calling my name from the freezer
and more from the back seat of a car;

i see you rotting your lungs more around me than you ever normally have
killer camels, i can smell them on you hours after

and i'll continue to smile at you and blow smoke through my nose
because i don't have the guts to say i don't love you.

i'm looking around at all the furniture blurring together and laughing
at the jokes i can barely hear in the background of the music pumping through the floor.

the truth is i didn't want you to find me smoking on your steps in the morning
i don't even like camels, i don't know why i took yours.

and your mattress was cold and uncomfortable
and your neighborhood was dangerous, I should have went home with him instead.

and i'm sorry i don't even love you as a friend
sober or not the conversations we have don't mean much

so don't mind me, let me go.

[selenite.]

i am closing my eyes and i can feel gravity
feel my knees hit the hardwood floor
confusing, i'm so happy, and so sick at the same time
so damn dizzy, he's passed out next to me

awake, again, now laying on the bathroom floor
staring into a toilet bowl, sharp pains and cold sweat
then relief, the sudden ability to stand,
in the kitchen finish the cup filled with what's partially orange juice
she'll never learn, never

2:34am but that's beside the point.

[selenite.]

i wish i could remember the last time i woke up in my own bed.
instead of dirty mattresses at houses i'm unfamiliar with
in a room full of warm bodies snoring.

it's not that i don't love them;
it's just i don't ever feel as if this is where i truly belong.