❛ the lazy writers ❜

[dove.]

viewtopic.php?f=57&t=3109588

^Okie well, this is going to be my horrible writing of a story within multiply stories, that all connect together. I did grammar check for any possible misspelled words, tell me if I need to fix anything. Please be as constructive as you can, cruelty is fine by me as long as I can improve. Note this first part is supposed to be short.^

[hellebore]

I like to lead readers on, making them believe something for a very long time simply due to my writing style, and then drop the bomb that they were being tricked, at the last second

[Megaguirus]

And I'm not going to start on the chipmunk story right now, Nom, if you were speaking to me. Honestly, I shouldn't. I really need to stop making new stories and work on old ones or rewrite the really old ones. Maybe if I did that, I'd have more finished stories. I used to finish stories all the time back when I was first writing, now every single "current" one is unfinished, waiting for my easily distracted mind to go back to it. I swear, if stories were actually able to create alternate universes (think Once Upon a Time), then all my characters would hate me for being left in limbo. XD If they don't hate me enough for all the stuff I put them through.

Join the club, my friend. I do that all the time. So far I have three stories in progress, a couple I want to start, and two or three I need to rewrite. And then I get another idea, and the process starts again... Such fun! XD

Yeah, such fun! That's why I have two folders on my computer full of unfinished stories. Plus the many others that pertain to the larger "universes"/stories.

Ahh, anyways, have to go to bed now. So if you do finish this story tonight, Nom, I won't be able to finish it. XD And I know this post will be buried in the morning as well, so there's that! LOL, goodnight all.

[anxious ghost]

We should start placing bets on how long until Nom finishes chapter XD

[dove.]

@gunpower.
oh my word, I would mostly likely start world war 3 if that happened to me.

[kobe,]

I like to lead readers on, making them believe something for a very long time simply due to my writing style, and then drop the bomb that they were being tricked, at the last second

you evil thing. your stuff would be a lot of fun to read, im assuming!

also guys, how's this short story i just wrote? already entered it but would still love constructive criticism if you have any to deal. always trying to improve!

“You dare disrespect me?!”

Ramiel winced as he heard Narcisse’s growl, watching in horror as the angel paced around the crew’s captured demon. She was pretty, a tall, muscular girl with crimson skin and long, thick black hair, her yellow eyes resembling that of a cat’s. She said nothing in response to the question, just sneered, showing shimmering white fangs as she drew back her lips in a snarl. This seemed to anger Narcisse even further, the hot-headed avenger grabbing hold of the front of the demon’s shirt and bringing her closer, nose to nose with him. “Tell me where the rest of you are,” he demanded, his golden eyes searching as the demon winced in pain, her wrists tied behind her back. “Tell me now, wretch, and you live. It is your choice.”

Not even a heartbeat had passed when the demon spat, the sizzling venom from her jaws landing and fizzling on the pavement. “My name is Usha, you fool.” Her voice was like silk, soft and smooth and interesting, even knowing she was dangerous; murderous, even. “And I will tell you nothing. Unlike you filthy, self-serving angels, we demons are loyal.” The wrong thing to say, probably; growling in frustration, Narcisse roughly threw the girl to the ground. Usha groaned in pain.

Pacing and grumbling, Narcisse seemed to be weighing his options as the others in the crew fixed each other with strange looks. Ramiel belonged to an angel gang of four, counting himself, with Narcisse as their unchallenged leader. He was a tall, muscular man in his late twenties, with pale skin and pure white hair. Golden freckles, the same color as his honey-amber eyes, flawlessly flecked his cheekbones and shoulders, as well as his snowy-white wings. Right now, his seven-foot wingspan was folded elegantly across his back, a bright contrast to his black leather gear. He stopped pacing, drawing Ramiel from his thoughts; the leader of the gang stretched his wings, yawned almost lazily, then folded them again. From his belt he drew an opaline shortsword, the blade an alluring array of different shades of pink, green, blue, purple. A perfect symbol of how something beautiful can be extremely deadly, Ramiel thought.

And then, to the shorter angel’s mixed dismay and shock, Narcisse turned and handed the weapon to Ramiel. “Kill her,” the leader said coldly, his voice emotionless as Usha struggled against her ropes. Her once fearless and defiant gaze was now flecked with panic as she scrabbled against the alleyway pavement - Ramiel’s heart sunk down to his shoes. Reluctantly, he took the shortsword by its silvery hilt, stepping out from the safety of the shadows and advancing slowly towards Usha. She looked up at him with a mixture of terror and hatred, her upper lip curled in a grimace. If only she could see he was not like this, not a ruthless killer like the rest of the angels… “Hurry up,” Ramiel could hear Narcisse snap impatiently.

The angel looked down. In a puddle below him he could see his face, his expression reflecting the reluctance he felt inside. He was an average character, with a thin build and coffee-colored skin. His hair was dyed a pastel peachy color, his eyes a deep chocolate - and they showed his fear. No, he was not like this. But the world was not fair, not for angels, not for demons, not for anybody. Ramiel took a deep breath and swung the sword down in an arc, and let us say that angels never miss.

[offline.]

I already have you my opinion .3. It really is a great read

[dove.]

Fabulous Job Kobe!
I couldn't find any mistakes that stood out to me, but I'm not sure. Since i'm not very good at creating constructive criticism.

[Nomonym]

next. paragraph. up

[dove.]

Okie this is short enough to post here so here you go. (Note this part is supposed to be shorter then others, such for reasons XD).

As Hannah exited the school building the rain started dripping from the dark sky, droplets of water slipped off the building hanging on by a tad. She waited underneath the roofing of the building till the car came and picked her up. She could hear the laughter of Will and Cora as they flirted their way to their car. Hannah still waited for the day she could do her own thing, without as much as a simple question. She leaned against the wall, as five minutes had passed... Then ten minutes.... then twenty minutes... finally after thirty minutes of waiting. A car pulled up, she ran towards the dark red Chevy Sonic, and opened the stiff door then slammed it against the car. When the car jerked forward a puddle splashed onto the side of the car window where Hannah was sitting. She stared outside as the moving vehicle passed by smiling people. Hannah turned her head to face the front window, she slightly smiled as she grew closer to her house. She and her mother quickly hustled into the warmth of the bright yellow house that crowded in rain clouds. Hannah hurried upstairs to ignore the bustling sounds of her parents discussing work and life. She sat at a small table in the corner of her room with a chair next to it. As she sat down she picked up a journal and opened up a empty lined page. She scribbled down letters and words as she looked down to reread what she had wrote, the words had folded into a definition.

am·i·ty
ˈamitē
noun
a friendly relationship.
"international amity and goodwill"