I know I shouldn't have. It hurt us both more, in the end. But I just couldn't help it. I couldn't help stopping... turning around... reminding myself to remember... trying to hold on to these final moments, sad though they were, and... when I looked back, I saw you one last time. The look on your face would haunt me forever, burning through my memory every time I recalled you, even today, when nothing else is on my mind. On that day, your face, your pleading eyes, burned into my mind even as you stood there, tall and strong, as if you didn't care, watching my every step away from you. Am I... making a mistake? I remember asking myself silently, as I paused to meet your mournful gaze. Should I... stay? My heart screamed Yes! but my head murmured No... You know why you must leave. It took all my strength to turn away, to shatter the trembling sheen of hope still over your eyes, to show my back and leave forever. As I slowly plodded away, I could almost see your face crumbling before me, as if I'd dashed your dreams forever. That hurt me most, to know that you, the crazy, reckless spitfire I knew and loved with your endless will, poisonous sarcasm, and sharp tongue would just... fall apart. I know it sounds arrogant, but we both knew each other too well to pretend like that's not what happened when I turned away. But I loved you. I loved you beyond everything I had known ever before. Oh, even the stars paled to the brightness, the intensity of my love for you...! How... can I even say it with words? You were my life. I know you wouldn't believe me, if you could hear me right now, but it's true... and you still are. I still love you so much that it hurts to live, to breathe, to continue without you, after all this time...! But I... I knew... that if I really, really loved you, I'd have... to leave you. I couldn't, just couldn't stay, no matter how much I wanted to, because... well, darling, you and I know why... a-and... so... I just... left. I left, as tears streamed down my face, as my heart shattered into a million pieces that would never heal right without you, as you screamed after me, "Fine! I hope you crawl away and die! NEVER come back!" But I could hear that you wept, too. I know you probably will never forgive me. I know why. I probably wouldn't forgive me. Still, I hope... I hope that you're happy. I really, truly, honestly do! Finally... I know it's selfish, but... I hope that you haven't forgotten me, and maybe... just maybe...? that you still can love me back. Because... I haven't forgotten you, and I haven't stopped loving you. I never can, I never want to, and I never will.
