My Blatant Honesty. Miscellaneous Writing. No Posting.

[cat&bear]

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NO POSTING PLEASE

As an introduction, I don't have any motive. I don't know if anyone will read or follow me through this writing or read this message at all. But part of me wants to write an intro because I think it would be polite.

This will be a lot of things. A diary at times: stories of memories, texts or letters, dreams, but also my personal fictional writing. In the past year I have gone through a lot of self discovery. I've made huge decisions, gone through changes, hard times, as well as wonderful things. It's time for a new thread because it feels like a time of new beginnings and I need to write to express myself.

[cat&bear]

TABLE OF CONTENTS:
ABOUT ME
The Sweet Things He Says
Easy/ Cheap Date Ideas
Important Things to Do
Trying to Figure Out What I'm Doing...
A Fact of Love
One Year Anniversary
Discontentment

"WRITE A LETTER YOU CANNOT SEND"- Posts: because I like keeping track of these.
"I woke up thinking I was still in your arms..."
"Prom is today..."
"a year strong..."
"Employers..."

[cat&bear]

BASICS ABOUT ME: who I am/ my interests

•female •high school •spiritual •straightedge
•a dancer •a writer •an introvert •a reader
•in a relationship of 10 months with my boyfriend
•six piercings •one tattoo •wants more tattoos
•I'm just trying the best I can to live and be happy.
•film photography •punk music •black clothes
•independent movies •horror movies •fantasy stories
•moths, bears, bats, birds, rats, small fluffy animals
•peonies, ferns, lavender •steampunk •baths
•nature, adventures, Hayao Miyazaki, loud music
•Tim Burton •creepy things •cacti •mornings

[cat&bear]

I write down quotes of sweet things he's told me that make me happy (ongoing/ periodically updated)

"I'm not letting go. I'm not letting go because I love you.... Just let me hold you."
"You are amazing baby. Never forget it."
"Hey, thinking about you, how is your day going so far?"
"I missed you so much baby! I need my _____ cat, my girly-goo, my everything, my angel. I need my _____."
"Forever means forever. You are the only girl in any universe that would be my forever girl. You're beautiful and amazing and loving and tender and I want you in my life forever and ever. To infinity and beyond I want to hold you in my arms and call you my beautiful sexy girl. I would never let you go. You are everything to me and I love you."
"I'll follow you anywhere."
"I walked in and my first thought was, 'Where is my girly-goo?'"
"Sleep well my little kitten"
"Mmmmm, its too good to hear from you"
"Hey! I love you so much my gorgeous girl!!! Missing you today, went driving today and thought of you the whole time, hope you’re having a good day!"
"You're wrong, 50 years in the future, I'm going to pull it out of my wallet. And I'm going to show it to our grandchildren... They're going to ask, 'Grandpa, why are you and Grandma so happy?', I'll pull out my wallet and show them- because even when we were (age), we knew we wanted to spend our lives together."(see one year anniversary below)
"[You're] my snuggle monster, she has beautiful purple fur and when she curls up next to you it and warms your heart, and she's so cute, you can't help but smile."
"Come Here, you."
"Baby, you're my forever girl."
"Thinking about my angel, missing her more and more, I love you my beautiful girl."
"Happy 11 months my angel, I consider every day with you a gift and I am so happy to have had you for almost 365 of them, you are all I need. You are my everything. I love you more than I could possibly describe. So I will try to show you by continuing to love you as passionately and fiercely as ever. I love you so much _____."
(do you still think I might be the girl you marry one day?) "There's no doubt."
"I like you.... I might even have a crush on you.... OR I may love you more than all the stars in the heavens."
" No matter what happens i know i have you. And no matter what happens, you know you have me."
" I love you to the moon and back an infinite number of times- no- I love you to the farthest neutron star, looped around three times and all the way back."
"(me: why are you with me?) Because you are the best person I could ever be with. You are more than my world. You are my universe. You are my wrapped around a neutron star girl. You are the woman I want to call gorgeous for the rest of my life. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Ever."
"[You] can't trick me. I've seen you for what you really are, no use hiding your wings and halo anymore."
"You're beautiful and amazing. You are the most interesting and unique person I have ever met. You wear the cutest of clothing and the hottest of attitudes, you are sexy in all the right ways and gorgeous in ALL ways. And baby girl, you stole my heart faster than I could fall for you. Just so I would fall even harder. You are amazing _____. I love you."
"I love you so much. You brighten every second of everyday that you are in my life. When I say you are my angel, I am completely serious. The only thing you need is wings. But then again, you're already my cute little _____ bird"
"Good morning gorgeous, I woke up thinking about you and you haven't left my mind for a second, it's so wonderful, I love thinking about the most beautiful and wonderful girl in the world, I can't wait to see my angel on this wonderful day that I asked you to be mine, I love you _____! it feels like we've been together an eternity and I can't wait for an eternity more, i love you."
"You make me so happy, even with just a text of "hey" You are absolutely the most wonderful thing in my life. You are my life. You madam, could never, be a bother."
"You are THE hottest thing to possibly have graced this earth and your tattoo just made you even f** hotter."
"Goodnight you frickin sexy wonderful __ girlfriend you, sweet dreams love you"
"It's going to be okay baby. I promise. One way or another, it will work out. I love you to the moon and back. I'm not going to loose you."
"Goodnight pretty lady"
"I really don't want to leave [our city] with out you again."
"I love you too my war monger, go win the swearing video games."
"I don't want to miss a second I could spend with you. Ever."

[cat&bear]

Date Ideas

•sports game- amateur ones too
•make a fire outside
•bowling or iceskating?
•hike
•buy a cheap kite and fly it
•nighttime star walk
•build a pillow fort
•ice cream date. 'nuf said.
•tea date (neither of us likes coffee)
•'movies in the park'
•downtown activities
•photography day
•grilled cheese and games

[cat&bear]

Important Things to Do

Write
Sketch
Draw Self portraits
Make up new characters
Design new things to make
Write letters
Send packages for fun
Dream about mundane things
Listen to music you normally don't
Find new recipes
Live in new mental worlds
Read books cover to cover
Late night phone calls with a lover or a friend
Play music or sing
Dance w/out shame
Keep a journal, even if digital
Learn new things
Get enthusiastic/ obsess about something
Explore
Dream
Fight
Try
Have fun.

[cat&bear]

Trying to Figure Out What I'm Doing...

I'm in a place, a time, that figuring out what I want to be ''when I grow up'' becomes a relevant question. I put that in quotes, "when I grow up" - because I believe that's relative. That phrase tends to state that you will start and end with one thing, one idea, one life. I want to do everything. I want to learn about/ how to do everything I can, I want to have multiple careers and obsessions and successes and failures. Right now, I'm just trying to figure out in what order I need to do everything I want to, and unfortunately, everything I want to do for one reason or another I want to do while I'm young.

In particular, currently, I am trying to figure out what I'll want to major in in college.
Dance & Architecture
These are currently my top two.

[cat&bear]

A Fact of Love

I know how people think, when they know how devoted I am to my boyfriend when I'm only a teenager. But I also know that soon enough, I'll be a legal adult, and suddenly that will change- that conception that my love means less because of my age, will dissipate. We have been together for eleven months, and I have heard of so many instances where two adults meet each other and are married in a year. I will openly admit (to strangers on the internet- ha) that we have talked about living together, what we want to do as individuals- but at each other's side/ with their support, moving somewhere after high school together, getting married, we've even talked about having kids. We're both fairly unsure about many things in the future- other than we'll have each other. There is something about love- when it is really and truly right, you know. We feel like we've already been together for years, but at the same time, that last almost-year has gone by so fast by his side. These 'dreams' about us spending our lives together, don't feel like dreams, they're more-so plans by now. We both have a lot to learn in life, but this is one thing that is completely undeniable. I have already found the love of my life.

[cat&bear]

One Year Anniversary

It was an evening I'll remember for years. Dinner at Chili's, great food, rolling conversation, lots of laughter and fun, we opened our anniversary gifts we got each other. I got him a little transformer figure, a card game called Flux, I wrote him a letter, and I got him a little metal card (more on that later). He got me clothes- I didn't expect this, but he got me a shirt, pants, and a dress- and he did really well and they're things I'll actually wear. We went from the restaurant to the movie theater and saw Furious 7. Funny thing is, neither of us had ever seen any of the other ones and we didn't know anything that led up to this one. Honestly it was fine, lots of fighting, explosions, and cars- plot wasn't necessarily that important. I pushed up the arm rest between us and we were able to sit closer and it was fun, nice, just a really long movie. We agreed that it was a movie that you play in the background at home while you're doing chores. After the movie we went back to his house and played a round of the card game that I got him. He won. It's a game of pure luck, but he still wins 90% of the time. After our game, we proceeded to just lay in bed together and cuddle and talk and he said such sweet loving things- he actually brought me to tears. Twice.

Now that metal card I mentioned. It's the size of a credit card- meant to fit in your wallet, and it was customized to be stamped with what I wrote- "You're my light and my everything-my sun, my moon and all my stars-I love you so much. Happy anniversary! Love, _____ 5.16.15" He really loved it and I'm so excited that he did! I told him while we were laying together that every time that I thought of getting him, I imagined 30 year in the future, pulling it our of an old box to show our kids... he said : "You're wrong, 50 years in the future, I'm going to pull it out of my wallet. And I'm going to show it to our grandchildren... They're going to ask, 'Grandpa, why are you and Grandma so happy?', I'll pull out my wallet and show them- because even when we were (age), we knew we wanted to spend our lives together."

[cat&bear]

Discontentment

I do not like where I am, my age or my limitations with what choices I can make or where I can go or what I can do. I have felt much older than my actual age my whole life and it's astounding to me that I'm still as young as I am. I do not like high school and how intangible a high school degree feels if you're going to go to college. A college degree qualifies you for careers, and signifies your extended knowledge in a specific field. High school is only a fraction about learned knowledge- and said knowledge is often broad and vague. I am very unhappy in certain fields of my life, I am very happy with my boyfriend, I love my family, I love my dance, but otherwise, I'm generally unhappy. I want to be older and self-dependant, and explore and learn. For now, I have to learn to be more content with where I am in life, or learn patience.