100 Scene Challenge

[Sandy Hoofprints]

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[Sandy Hoofprints]

This hurts worse than I thought it would.
When I said I'd be ok with it. When I scoffed at the idea even of you running it by me whether the two of you - my two best friends - could tentatively date. What choice did I have? I certainly couldn't say no and have you both hate me. He seemed perfect for a while. I thought we could be something. And at the start I even had him to myself when you hardly knew him. Imagine a boy who talked to me more than you. It wasn't long after another boy had blatantly chosen you over me. Your dropped him when he didn't suit you anyway leaving him too broken for me to have a chance. Back to this one though, thankfully for you it has went better. We were strangely close as friends. Then you two started to get to know each other too, and I was blind to what unfolded right under my eyes. Even though I wanted to be with him and I crushed so hard over him, I still (unwittingly at first, but then, residing to my fate, intentionally) I helped him get past your walls. Even though it killed an important part of me when he told me he didn't like me and never could so I should stop entertaining the idea, I still didn't hate you. I laid myself down for him to stand on to reach you. My self-esteem and self-belief trampled like nothing to reach the higher fruits.

It was never my place to complain about this, and I don't feel like I can talk to you about it, but at the start I didn't think there'd be these problems. We were a perfect three, I thought it wouldn't change. You promised me it wouldn't. I was naive.

Time has passed so quickly yet so slowly. And I've found myself here, forgotten and misled. You're both so much happier than you were before. I should be too, I remind myself. Yet no amount of convincing will dull the ache in my heart, in my stomach and spreading down my limbs.
The time has brought happy and sad memories. I've been there through everything if only as a shadow on the sidelines.

At times I'm so happy, so glad, to be around you and I feel so grateful to have met you. I forget my worries, it's like old times and we are all there together, all supporting each other. You reassure me that you want me there and that I'm not just an unnecessary third wheel.

Then there are the times when you forget about me completely. I'm dropped at a moments notice, and everything changes, at least for me, I'm not even sure you realise that I have feelings. I'm left feeling needy and vulnerable, too stubborn to admit I need you to be here and too afraid that I'm grasping desperately at something I'm never going to get back to try and hold on. I feel desperately unwanted in a way you'll never understand.

Then the worst is when all three of us are fighting. You're both insanely moody and I can't turn to either of you so we all stew in our misery. But you two will always work it out between you when your mood changes, and expect me just to bounce back once you've sorted whatever it was. But like an old elastic band I bounce less and less each time. I'm so tired of this, I don't know what to expect one day to the next.

Often one of you will complain mildly about the other to me. You don't see that what you're saying is like a slap in the face to me. Your trivial fights are just bumps along a road that I haven't even had the fortune to set foot on. Yet I have to support you. And it's draining having to keep all these damn secrets.

I'm starting to realise you're using me. And if I want to hold on to whatever shred of dignity I have left then I'm going to have to face the hard truth. That I love you more than you'll ever love me. That I'm nothing but a bank to borrow money from (and rarely to pay back) and a shoulder to cry on. So much isn't reciprocated, it's unhealthy.

This story is the perfect example of what you've done to me. You've reduced me to a dribbling mess, incapable of writing coherent sentences. At your command I'll do anything, and you're abusing that privilege. I'm not your slave I wish you would see but I do it anyway to try and please you since everything has to be on your terms. How is it that you can hold so much power over me?
I think I love you, that's why...

[827 words]

[excuse the terrible broken metaphors and ramblingness - I need to vent...]

[Sandy Hoofprints]

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