THAT'S ME -screams Caillou-

[Arabianwolflove]

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hi there
so this is a place for me to write down my life meassings, maybe some poetry and songs,
short stories are chill, etc. don't know what this will be in the end but lmao whatever

this is a wip
i am weird. give me some time.
no posting please.

fllyyyy

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[Arabianwolflove]

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these people are pretty chill ; xx vv xx vv xx vv

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[Arabianwolflove]

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no.

why do people do this. i want to go home.
but that's it.
there is no home.
im sorry.

home ceased to exist a few years ago friend.
im not sure why but that's what happened.
we are alone.
and this world is scary

its weird to have a home
but that home is a house now and that's it.
its no longer that place where you can cry without judgments
there are no longer people there to help you when you are down.
im sorry its like this
im sorry i dont think its ever going to change

im sorry that life seems replaceable.
i know you are aware what life is, what life can be
and what its not going to be

i don't want to be replace either.
im afraid too.

im not sure if this is worth it but i want to say it is
i want to say all of this fear, suffering, tears, will lead to something greater
something happy
but we both know its uncertain
and there needs to be no uncertain for this

im scared.

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[Arabianwolflove]

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wow really
dude

I guess jess mess
24 days clean
not a single mark
5 more days and the anniversary of your failed attempt

I died april 15 2014
not looking forward to that date
idk what im going to do
idk what I am doing

a year ago today
my life kinda just slipped away.

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[Arabianwolflove]

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I have a deep rooted anxiety over the idea of my parents having another child.

my brother was born when I was 7
and then he became everything my family ever wanted
he's the miracle child
they tell me that a lot still
after years of infertility, a the loss of one tube
he was born
and I became second best
doctors kept telling my parents that he was a little miracle, a gift from the heavens
that he was destine to do good and that he was precious

I don't recent him
I recent my family
I was acknowledged less and less by the second
it really sounds like something every child would say
im really not an ordinary child...

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I fell asleep damn

[Arabianwolflove]

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'how many days are in March?'
-some super smart answer-
'you know you're really smart? damn.'

your failed attempt was yesterday.
you are officially lived 1 year that would not exist if you hadn't failed.
celebrate
but you can't?
yup

1 more day to go through
im afraid
once March ends and i am no longer obliged to survive
will i be able to continue throu the pain
find better ways of coping?
become 'healed'

do i even want to be 'healed'
ive done it for so long
my body is no longer beautiful because of this but hell, it never was pretty
i don't know

i don't know.


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[Arabianwolflove]

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✖[/size][/left][left][img]http://data2.whicdn.com/images/67145741/large.gif[/img][/left] hai

so like i am also looking to own a kia, please send me a pm


[url=https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20150307200657AA2c8bW]to Japanese speakers: help me with this?[/url]




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this will go down in a few days c:

[Arabianwolflove]

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you will probably never see this. but in the slight chance you will, here.

just thank you for those years when you were the only one there for me
you were my first friend on cs and I will forever cherish you for that
there have been countless nights over the years that I have thought of meeting you and just plain wondering how you are doing
I will always consider you as a best friend
and im sad to see another friend go

I hope every single dream and hope and wish you will ever have will come true
I hope that your life is what you want it to be
I thank you for helping, even just a little bit, me do these things

you are an amazing person
and I wish we were closer than we were over these few years
but I am extremely thankful for how close we were the years earlier

you will always be in my mind and in my heart
there is no doubt
and im sorry all of this is sounding a lot like a hallmark card
but what can ya do


if you do ever get this, just thank you. thank you so much.
and if you ever need anything at all, my skype is ----

talk to me old friend


and goodbye <3

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[Arabianwolflove]

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you scare me.
that really shouldn't matter though now should it?

so um I guess the usual 'R.I.P' works
but its still kinda weird.

I haven't had death in the family for awhile
about 7 years?
as far as I remember right now
that time it was my grandma though
I was extremely close to her
I still miss her after all these years.

I never knew you, Nancy.
I knew about you
but that really doesn't even remotely count.

you were abuse
but um
I don't think that's really any good reason to throw a party
it still a death

so uh
goodbye
even though
I never said hello.

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[Arabianwolflove]

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I thought we were friends.
but um
that seems to be another thing I have gotten wrong in this mess of life.
life.
that's funny.
I don't live
I die
my existence is just that
an existence.
please don't think im dramatic
please don't even dare to assume something about me
an assumption seems to be all I am now.

so I guess this is goodbye
seems im doing that quite a lot
what's the world record?
maybe I can beat it.
I wouldn't even have to try.

I wonder if there is a darker colour than black.

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