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[TheSongOfTheStars]

No, I actually thought the parents where dead

[W.oH.oB.o]

I thought Bill would be her brother

[*ajayred*]

new chapter!

I thought Bill would be her brother

Interesting take on it. *rubs chin*

[W.oH.oB.o]

Wow, that was interesting

[*ajayred*]

I was gonna post it sooner, but i had a few gaps to fix. That may not be fully fixed.

[katomorakwarrior]

Maybe I was reading too quickly, but exactly what happened just know.
You had my attention until about Kyran took off with the horse.
After that. . . .
. . .
Did I miss something? How exactly did Avery get himself hurt and why are there only voice. Is the storm that bad or is it something else?
If you could make that slightly clearer, I'll be immeasurably happy.

Post script: If I were you, I'd go back and slow things down a touch. I know they say that when something exciting happens, you should slow down the speed of your sentences. That's true, but I'm having a hard time understanding the last bit -- as said above.
Help me out. Please.
(I'm not trying to be redundantly critical; I'm just trying to point out something. Please, don't take it as an insult to your writing; I'm enjoying this now as much as I did when I first started. I just think that you've been rushing lately and it shows.)

[*ajayred*]

Maybe I was reading too quickly, but exactly what happened just know.
You had my attention until about Kyran took off with the horse.
After that. . . .
. . .
Did I miss something? How exactly did Avery get himself hurt and why are there only voice. Is the storm that bad or is it something else?
If you could make that slightly clearer, I'll be immeasurably happy.

Post script: If I were you, I'd go back and slow things down a touch. I know they say that when something exciting happens, you should slow down the speed of your sentences. That's true, but I'm having a hard time understanding the last bit -- as said above.
Help me out. Please.
(I'm not trying to be redundantly critical; I'm just trying to point out something. Please, don't take it as an insult to your writing; I'm enjoying this now as much as I did when I first started. I just think that you've been rushing lately and it shows.)

Oh yes, i completely understand. The idea was for it to be a bit uninformed in some spots given it is in Lara's point of view, and yes the storm is that bad.

Now has for the pacing of the story, i figured it was going pretty fast, but it is actually slow compared to before i edited it.

Now, as for how Avery got gotten hurt, it happened just as Lara had assumed, the men had caught up to them (the ones that came that kyran said was after him) and they happened to be in the territory of a wolf pack. If anyone where to wonder, the fortain wolf is more then a wolf that didn't stop growing. more explanation to why and how will come in the next chapter.

Thank you for the critic and i also don't take this as an insult, it is helping me to improve. Though, would you have an tips to slowing down the sentences? I would gladly use them ^_^

[W.oH.oB.o]

When I think I'm rushing, I try adding more detail about the surroundings or what the character is thinking or something like that.

[*ajayred*]

Okkkaayy! i think i fixed it! i edited it, let me know if it cleared things up and be honest, though it would be great if you did it in PM if you need to go into further details It is not a bother to me, i could use all the help and critic i can get.

[*ajayred*]

Alrighty, another whacky double chapter coming up soon!