( ♎ ) relax, youre indecisive by nature

[apathy,]

2.23.15
if i fell down stairs
and broke every bone
in my body, it'd still
be a lot less painful
than everything you've
put me through

[apathy,]

2.28.15
" beyond grateful for you
because when everyone let me
down you kept me on a pedestal
forgive me if sometimes i get
distracted but there's no doubt in
my mind that this new addition of
love, nothing can be subtracted i
mean what is it really that you're
lacking n best believe ill hold you
down if you ever feel yourself slackin "

[apathy,]

3.3.15
" i haven't had a good time
in a long time,
you know i "

[apathy,]

3.5.15
" [ 5:09 am ] i don't want to lose you "

[apathy,]

3.11.15
“ this is on a bus back from camp. i’m thirteen and so are you. before i left for camp i imagined it would be me and three or four other dudes i hadn’t met yet, running around all summer, getting into trouble. it turned out it would be me and just one girl. that’s you. and we’re still at camp as long as we’re on the bus and not at the pickup point where our parents would be waiting for us. we’re still wearing our orange camp t-shirts. we still smell like pineneedles. i like you and you like me and i more-than-like you, but i don’t know if you do or don’t more-than-like me. you’ve never said, so i haven’t been saying anything all summer, content to enjoy the small miracle of a girl choosing to talk to me and choosing to do so again the next day and so on. a girl who’s smart and funny and who, if i say something dumb for a laugh, is willing to say something two or three times as dumb to make me laugh, but who also gets weird and wise sometimes in a way i could never be. a girl who reads books that no one’s assigned to her, whose curly brown hair has a line running through it from where she put a tie to hold it up while it was still wet.

back in the real world we don’t go to the same school, and unless one of our families moves to a dramatically different neighborhood, we won’t go to the same high school. so, this is kind of it for us. unless i say something. and it might especially be it for us if i actually do say something. the sun’s gone down and the bus is quiet. a lot of kids are asleep. we’re talking in whispers about a tree we saw at a rest stop that looks like a kid we know. and then i’m like, “can i tell you something?” and all of a sudden i’m telling you. and i keep telling you and it all comes out of me and it keeps coming and your face is there and gone and there and gone as we pass underneath the orange lamps that line the sides of the highway. and there’s no expression on it. and i think just after a point i’m just talking to lengthen the time where we live in a world where you haven’t said “ yes ” or “ no ” yet. and regrettably i end up using the word “ destiny. ” i don’t remember in what context. doesn’t matter. before long i’m out of stuff to say and you smile and say, “ okay. ” i don’t know exactly what you mean by it, but it seems vaguely positive and i would leave in order not to spoil the moment, but there’s nowhere to go because we’re are on a bus. so i pretend like i’m asleep and before long, i really am.

i wake up, the bus isn’t moving anymore. the domed lights that line the center aisle are all on. i turn and you’re not there. then again a lot of kids aren’t in their seats anymore. we’re parked at the pick-up point, which is in the parking lot of a methodist church. the bus is half empty. you might be in your dad’s car by now, your bags and things piled high in the trunk. the girls in the back of the bus are shrieking and laughing and taking their sweet time disembarking as i swing my legs out into the aisle to get up off the bus, just as one of them reaches my row. it used to be our row, on our way off. it’s michelle, a girl who got suspended from third grade for a week after throwing rocks at my head. adolescence is doing her a ton of favors body-wise. she stops and looks down at me. and her head is blasted from behind by the dome light, so i can’t really see her face, but i can see her smile. and she says one word: “ destiny. ” then her and the girls clogging the aisles behind her all laugh and then she turns and leads them off the bus. i didn’t know you were friends with them.

i find my dad in the parking lot. he drives me back to our house and camp is over. so is summer, even though there’s two weeks until school starts. this isn’t a story about how girls are evil or how love is bad, this is a story about how i learned something and i’m not saying this thing is true or not, i’m just saying it’s what i learned. i told you something. it was just for you and you told everybody. so i learned cut out the middle man, make it all for everybody, always. everybody can’t turn around and tell everybody, everybody already knows, i told them. but this means there isn’t a place in my life for you or someone like you. is it sad? sure. but it’s a sadness i chose. i wish i could say this was a story about how i got on the bus a boy and got off a man more cynical, hardened, and mature and sheet. but that’s not true. the truth is i got on the bus a boy. ind I never got off the bus. i still haven’t. ”

[apathy,]

3.11.15
@ s ; the look in his eyes, it's far worse than crazy.
the look in his eyes, it's far worse than being wild-eyed.
he's more than dangerous. i should have watched out.

[apathy,]

4.3.15
mood: disgusted
" i must not be that important to you if you cheat on me. "

[apathy,]

4.8.15
" she is something to behold; elegant and bold. she is electricity running to my soul. and i could easily lose my mind the way you kiss me will work each time. calling me to come back to bed, singing " georgia " on my mind. lips generous and warm. you build me up like steps. eyes innocent and wild, remind me what it's like. and i could easily lose my mind, the way you kiss me will work each time. pulling me back into the flames and i'm burning up again. i'm burning up. and i, i never understood what was at stake. i never thought your love was worth it's wait. well now you've come and gone. i finally worked it out. i worked it out.

i never should have told you. i never should have let you see inside. don't want it troubling in your mind. " won't you let it be? " and i could easily lose my mind, the way you kiss me will work each time. pulling me back into the flames and i'm burning up again, i'm burning up. and i, i never understood what was at stake, i never thought your love was worth its wait. well now you've come and gone. i finally worked it out, i worked it out. "

[apathy,]

5.12.15
" ill burn a bridge with her on it "

[apathy,]

5.27.15
"you could possible become
gf material, but it'll take a
little work. unfortunately,
you have a few personality
issues that are off-putting
to men. if you can overcome
those road blocks, though,
you'll be on your way to being
a great gf in no time"