ｔｈｅ ｈｕｎｔｅｒ - a short fantasy story

[Greenleaf]

.

[Greenleaf]

Bump; critique would be greatly appreciated!

[CastusIgnis]

Aw, that's so adorable XD Great story!

[Greenleaf]

Thank you! uwu

[♥ soft]

breathtaking. i honestly don't know what else to say. wow. ♥

[Greenleaf]

Thank you so much! <3

[chihirofujisaki]

This is truly an amazing piece... I did notice two errors, though. Not trying to be rude, or call you out; I just thought you might like to know. c:

“Don’t kill it!”

The hunter is so startled, his aim jerks upwards. A terrific boomresounds through the silent trees . . .

I believe there is supposed to be a space between "boom" and "resounds". Also, when the hunter is speaking to the woman in the cottage, he says he's brought back her daughter. Just one part of the sentence isn't bold, while all other dialogue is bold.

I just thought that you might like to know, and I apologize if I'm coming off as rude or mean! I certainly don't mean to!

Your writing is truly incredible! I do love this! Great work.

~DragonCommander

[Greenleaf]

This is truly an amazing piece... I did notice two errors, though. Not trying to be rude, or call you out; I just thought you might like to know. c:

“Don’t kill it!”

The hunter is so startled, his aim jerks upwards. A terrific boomresounds through the silent trees . . .

I believe there is supposed to be a space between "boom" and "resounds". Also, when the hunter is speaking to the woman in the cottage, he says he's brought back her daughter. Just one part of the sentence isn't bold, while all other dialogue is bold.

I just thought that you might like to know, and I apologize if I'm coming off as rude or mean! I certainly don't mean to!

Your writing is truly incredible! I do love this! Great work.

~DragonCommander

Oh, thank you so much for pointing those out! x3 darn typos, I'll fix them right away. Thanks for complimenting me, too! :3 it means a lot to me.

[katomorakwarrior]

Writing is individual. Your grammar is better than most, but your style isn't alive. I'm not quite how to explain, but your style's stressed, tired, and strained; not the feeling of the story but the style. Sorry to be poetic but it's trying hard to be something it's not.
You have a style; we all do. But you are forcing your style to be someone its not, like a school girl mimicking a popular idol.
The story line has the promise of a heart-wrenching tale but lacks something meaningful, a corner of your heart torn by your own style.
I suggest keeping this and working on it for the next Scholastic. I also suggest starting from scratch. Write it with the same story line but let your style free. For that version, forget about Scholastic and critics. That version may not be the picture of grammatical and contemporary perfection, but it will have that corner of your heart and your style pervading its pages in all of its awe-inspiring glory.
You don't have to; its a suggestion. Either way, keep working on this one.