тнє ℓαυяєℓ fℓσωєяѕ NEW THREAD delete this please.

[.:A r i c a R e e:.]

Coolio ^-^

[~Gem~]

Hi! My name is Gem. I am both a critic and a writer. I thought your story was FANTASTIC! I really did enjoy it and I am not just saying that. There are only a few things that I would suggest. 1.) The prologue. It gets a bit confusing. In it, it says that one of the character's is talking to herself. I don't think that was intentional. 2.) In your dialect, it was good, but dialect is to keep the story moving forward. You don't want "Hey, how's it going", you don't want that kind of thing. Try to keep the story going with differences. 3.) Verb tenses. Some of which were switched back and forth. Are you intentionally speaking in 2nd person, or not trying. If not, you might want to read over it again. Otherwise, I loved your story. Great plot line so far and I can't wait to read more. Great job and remember, keep on writing!

[*ajayred*]

thank you so much, I will fix the prologue. also, it must be unintentional, i was writing most of this while talking with someone else, so i might have put other words in there. i tried to fix what i seen, but i'm glad you pointed it out. ^_^

[*ajayred*]

whoo new chap, a little shorter then last but the next will be longer.

[.:A r i c a R e e:.]

Ah HAh! Chapter TWO! xD

[*ajayred*]

bump ^_^

[.:A r i c a R e e:.]

Bump

[*ajayred*]

NEW CHAPTER! whoop

[.:A r i c a R e e:.]

Whoop whoop!

[mantlepiece]

This is a really good story!
I did get a bit confused around the time when Lara had that flashback of when she ran off into the forest (i think- maybe i just got too excited and misread it c; ) and there were a few spelling mistakes and maybe a repeated paragraph. c:
Otherwise, i think so far this is one of the best stories i've read. Keep up the awesome work! XD