The Story Of Ricolen: Please qritique/edit errors

[OutlawQueen]

The original story was made for me by DragonDream, I have permission to edit it into a story of my own liking, but the concept was Dragon's idea.

All the pups sat around Storyteller, his gray muzzel twiched with a hint of a smile. They sat with eager ears and wagging tails waiting for there elder to tell them yet another story. They enthusiastically grinned as he began to wheeze out his words, "Well you are here again, aren't ya? Lets see," The elderly wolf said as he thought up a tale to tell the five rambuncius pups.

"They say that the first Alpha of this pack was alive when the fairies roamed the forest with all the proud in the universe. His name was Ricolen. Forming a pack in a time, like what we have today, was dangerous for wolves in that brutal time. Wolves were not welcomed along with the humans, nor did the wolves welcome the company of the humans."

"But why?" Said the youngest pup, Millic, her wee tail bobbed back an forth with anticipation.

"Well listen to the story and you'll find out furball," barked the eldest of them," You never give him time to explain anything!"

"Do so, you big fur-head," she muttered.

"ENOUGH!!!" Yelled the Storyteller, his bark a bit to loud, "Both of you disturb my story telling, now this is what happened....
Humans, at the time, were not understanding to our needs and problems and killed our kind whenever they needed to blame something for killed livestock. It is told that it took a great deal of magic from the fairies and wolves alike. See then all wolves had magic in them, but since Ricolen was the only to be Alpha left, they had to do something bold. Ricolen and all the other wolves gave up there magic to enchant the land so that humans could hear and feel our needs, but some resisted, leaving the wolves with no choice, and no magic. Siding with the few humans that now possessed the ability to fell and hear our needs, the first pack ever, our pack, charged at the beings with fire in their eyes."

"How was there fire in their eyes?" This time it was Eralic that spoke, he was a muscular little pup.

"Well little pup, it just be an expression, they were furious. Wouldn't you be?" The pup nodded his head as Storyteller continued
"From there, with the help of their new found allies, they created the pool of the wolf kind." Finished the old wolf. He flopped down onto his paws and slept listening to the pups happily scurried away, going off about whatever they wished to do. With a smile, Ricolen nodded off into a deep, silent slumber.

[OutlawQueen]

Charaters:

Well, I do need dome pics of them, so I'll do this later. feel free to send some wolf pics.
Thanks to WarriorcatsRPG for these charaters:


Ricolen (Storyteller)
The first leader of the packs. He is brave and cunning. He shows commpassion to the small pups.

[~Gem~]

Don't worry, I see this all the time. Hello, my name is Gem, well that's what most people call me. I am both a writer and a critic. This writing was very interesting to read and very well done. I only have one complaint, and it is small. Your writing would be SO much better if you wouldn't just tell the reader what is going on. For example, Leave out the "she did this" or "he does this" kind of thing. Use more description and different dialects throughout your story. I also saw a few spelling mistakes, you might want to read it over. Other than those tiny issues I had, it was very well written, good job and keep on writing!

[OutlawQueen]

I'll try.

[OutlawQueen]

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