A collection of poems

[Cadin Araceli]

I can't quite put into words
what it is I feel for you
because everything is muddled
between the past, the present,
and what the future might hold.

I don't regret holding you at night,
or saying I love you,
or sharing parts of me that no one
has ever seen before, and parts of me
no one might ever see again.

I still love you. You were the first person
that I honestly loved.
And nothing could ever take that away,
not distance or heartache or
anyone in this entire world.

But I needed so much more than you
could ever give.
And I can't even put into words
exactly what it is. All I know is
the past should remain that way.

So I need you. For me. Please.
If you honestly still love me.
To move on.
To find someone else.
To find someone who will fight.

[Cadin Araceli]

I wake up after 13 hours of sleep
and I still feel tired.
But that's not the worst.

I find myself regretting
so many choices I've made.
But that's not the worst.

People around me don't see
anything the way it is.
But that's not the worst.

I'm reminded that I always end up
hurting the people I care about.
But that's not the worst.

I feel myself slipping away from
who I really want to be.
Bit that's not the worst.

The worst is doing nothing about any of it.

[Cadin Araceli]

I am honestly terrified to the bone.
Making such a drastic change like this.
Making it impossible to undo.
Leaving every thing I know.
Cutting myself off from my family.
Leaving my job.
My house, My car, My bed.
Really leaving my old self.
If I think about it too much,
I think I'll back out.
Change my mind and remain.
Silent and scared.

But I think that
Waking up to your face will be worth it.
But I think that
There is no place I will ever feel more at home.
But I think that
This change will be honestly good for me.
But I think that
If I think about it too much,
I'll wonder why I hadn't done it sooner.

[Cadin Araceli]

I cannot wait
To have our own place.
To know it's ours and no one else's.
And do what we want with it.

To wake up next to you everyday.
And know you aren't going anywhere.
To decorate it how ever we want.
To have the smell of us fill the air.

I cannot wait.
To share every second
At home.
My real home.
With you.

[Cadin Araceli]

Wake up
Do the same thing you did yesterday
Kick yourself because you forgot to
clean
practice
write
live

Say tomorrow

Go to sleep

Nothing changes from day to day
A weird repeat that is dull
and tiring
and too much
but not enough

Is this all life is going to be forever?

An endless drone

With moments of change?

[Cadin Araceli]

I want more
I want more from me
I want more from work
I want more from life.

But how do I get it?
I'm grasping
I'm trying
I'm failing.

I need more money
I need more change
I need more love
I need more time.

I feel like this is all I will get.
And this isn't enough.
I want to get more
Much more
From my life.