by tuesdaysart » Wed Sep 17, 2014 11:23 am
Gerard Way wrote:welcome bramble!~
--
mmh
one of my favorite writing sites are down
awh
by Dylan Klebold » Wed Sep 17, 2014 11:49 am
by delete pleasexx.... » Wed Sep 17, 2014 11:50 am
Arachin wrote:Salut! I have a request for you guys!
I've been writing a story for a while, but I can never get it just right. So I keep rewriting it. I have finally got information laid down, a good plot, characters, etcetra.
Now all I need is somebody to look over my writing.
If you guys are interested, I think I'll post snippits of the writing that I'm not too sure of, and you guys can edit them to your heart's content. Below will be what I have of the first chapter below- all opinions, good and bad, are welcome, as long as you can help on some you <3
Merci!
Chapter One
While the glassy surface of the water cracked and shattered in a distorted dance, a worn smooth stone dragged itself to a damp bed that resided at the bottom of the creek, bubbly streams of air accompanying it. Bark chipped and dropped to the ground from the tree branch that was damaged from age, as I swung my legs back and forth, my fingers teasing the loose thread unfurling itself from my shirtsleeve, watching a departed leaf float away with the wind. Flimsily, a makeshift straw basket filled with a variety of flat pebbles perilously hung next to me, swaying in the crisp wind. Like a repetitive chant, the low grumble of flowing water droned past my ears, while the sun inched downwards, pulling streaks of warm colours behind it, as if it were trying to paint the sky a darker tint.
My lingering arm wrapped itself around my sister’s shoulders, the scratchiness of her sweater digging into my side, and she limply lifted her arm, tossing the pebble across the air, and it splashed into the water. A small breath escaped her ajar mouth as she brought her legs up onto the limb and lay her head down on my lap, closing her eyes, long, orderly strands of brown hair running through my fingers as I combed through it. The softness of her voice mixed in with the silent cricket’s song and the hush of the grass
“Hey, Peter?” she whispered, her eyes still shut, her arm dangling off the branch, a butterfly darting past it.
“Yeah?” I replied, taking my hand away and laying it on her side, making sure that she didn’t shift and fall.
“Are you happy?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it sounds like. Are you?”
“I’m not much to worry about. I’m okay if you are.”
The fake smile plastered on my face didn’t reach her gaze, thankfully, because she would have been able to see right past it. Sure, I loved her, but my life wasn’t anything to be happy about. With the weak, tired smile on her face, she sat up, swinging her legs around and jumping off the tree, a stray string on her sweater catching on a tree and tearing, but she didn’t notice.
“Love you,” she called up, and while she walked back up to the house I saw the silhouette of Sammy, the freeloading feline, in the illuminated window, watching us, and I jumped down from the tree as well once she got inside safe and sound. As I stared into the water, my reflection stared back at me, seemingly mocking me.
I’m not particularly good-looking. No perfect build or striking facial features, no beautiful blue eyes that any girl would fall into, or gleaming smile to fool a passerby. My hair stuck up in places, messy from the wind, and it would never stay down, even if I combed it down a hundred times or used an entire container of hair gel, and my eyes were just a dull brown that sported dark shadows from the nights I would stay up late, studying. That was almost every night.
My life mirrored my looks- boring and unexciting. I went to school, I didn’t have any friends, and I was a straight A student. I wasn’t like that cool kid in the back of the class that all the girls would fall for because he was so mysterious and perfect. I was just boring and plain. Of course, I would probably get married, buy a house, have 2.5 kids and die one day.
Of course I would die one day- that was the only thing I was certain of.
“Peter,” a voice called, sickening sweetness dripping from it, and I turned to see if my sister had come back to drag me inside, but she was not there. Disregarding it, I turned back around, looking into the water, but my reflection did not stare back at me, only emptiness. Emerging my hand into the vacant water, I shivered, coldness dancing on my fingertips, entrancing me, and I dug my hand deeper in.
A scream- my scream- echoed through the trees as I felt someone else’s hand grasp my own, their fingers entwining with mine, and I was pulled into the water. Instead of the ‘splash’ I expected, I found myself suspended in a dark void, where not a sound could escape from my mouth, not a vision traced over my eyes, not a smell wafted through the air. It was only empty.
“H-Hello?” I think I called, but was unable to tell, because I did not hear the words travel. “Is anyone here?”
“Rachel?” I called, thinking only of my sister, hoping that she might be out here. “Mum? Dad? Sammy?!”
Nothing.
Maybe a tear rolled down my face, and maybe I screamed, or maybe I stayed silent. All I knew was that I closed my eyes and curled up into a ball, just like the way I would when I was younger. I would come home from kindergarten and curl up in my mum’s lap, while toddler Rachel would watch her cartoons, sitting on the floor with a plastic bowl of dry cereal. Mum’s hands would hold me close, and if I came up to her chest, the beating of her heart would echo through my ears and calm me, so I knew that I was safe.
“Peter,” the same voice called again, and I looked around, expecting to see someone, anyone there. But the voice did not call out again, dropping me into the senseless void.
“NO!” I screamed, shooting my eyes open, revealed to the world around me, my sides aching and my cheeks wet.
“Oh, look, he’s awake,” a voice called, and I sat up, coming face-to-face with a short kid with mousy brown hair and a plague of freckles scattered on his sunburned face. A chipped tooth stood out in his smile as he extended a hand, pulling me up. A dusty grey cat sat by his side, her overly fluffed fur floating in the wind, and she yawned, bearing a chipped tooth identical to the kid’s.
“W-Where am I?” I asked, setting a hand on my aching forehead, using the other to dry the teary remains of my fit off my face. The kid completely disregarded my question and turned to a tree overhead, scuttling up it and grabbing an apple. I almost dropped it when he threw it down to me, and splinters of dark stuck in his callused hands as he slid down the old apple tree.
“Who’s Rachel? Your parallel?” he asked, taking a bite out of another apple, taking almost half of it off, then he handed the rest of it to the cat, who pulled it over to the shade, laying down, and chewed on it.
“Rachel! Oh no, where’s Rachel? Is she here?” I frantically asked, dropping the apple on the ground and looking around at the unfamiliar place. White stucco walls closed me in to a courtyard like area, with a brick stone circle in the center, ivy growing on the walls and pink flowers dancing around the top of the gate.
“Don’t get too worked up, Rachel can’t be too far away from you, remember? Or did you knock your head that hard?”
“She can’t be that far away? What’s that mean?”
“Rachel’s, your parallel, right?” he asked, picking the apple up off a patch of grass and shining it on his yellowed shirt, which had fraying strings at the edges and holes around the hem.
“My what?”
“Don’t tell me this kid is that stupid, Oliver,” the cat hissed, and I turned, eyes widened in shock. I must be hearing things. Feeling woozy, I slid my back down against the tree, pulling my knees up to my chest.
“Please, just give me a straight answer this time. Did that cat just talk?” I asked, my voice faint and weak, and the princess-like cat pranced over to me, glare intact.
“Sorry, was I interrupting your precious conversation with my worthless opinion? What a shame,” she sneered, sarcasm dripping from the fangs that spat those words at me. That was when I reentered the darkness, unable to believe what I had just seen.
When I reentered the plane of existence, a burlap blanket was spread over me, the moon shining in through the window, stars dotting the sky, and I sat up, yawning. Looking down, I saw the kid laying on the floor, wrapped in a quilt, a stack of old leather book serving as his pillow, the cat laying against the crook of his neck, purring slightly.
“Oh, he’s come back to us again, Oliver,” the cat yawned, stretching, then she batted at the boy’s pierced ear, a feather hanging from the black stud. “Oliver, get up.”
“Geez, I told you to wake me up before he got up so we could get some medicine or something?” he replied, sitting up, extending his arms up over his head, then looked up at me, sitting with his legs crossed and bare feet wrapped in his hands.
“Sorry about that. We can go into to town and get medicine for your head tomorrow,” Oliver smiled, and I reached a hand around to the back of my head, feeling dampness in my hair. Blood ran down my fingers when I pulled my hand away, and I screamed in shock, tangling myself in the blankets, and Oliver jumped up, putting his hands on my shoulders.
“Calm down,” he sighed, then grabbed the quilt and wrapped me in it. “Clover, call Jay, I think we’ll need some actual help for this nutcase.”
“Hey!” I retorted. “I’m not the crazy one here! There are talking cats and I’m bleeding and my sister is gone! And neither of you will give me a straight answer to anything! I just want to get home!”
“He’s crazy alright,” the cat growled, walking out the door, grabbing a small pouch from around the door, swinging it around her neck, a small bell jingling as it ran around the strap.
“I’ll be back. Make sure he doesn’t die.”
The room was silent as Oliver walked across the room, taking a washcloth off the wall, dampening it, the water running out of the faucet and into a bowl, which he then used to water some flowers outside of the window.
“So, where are you from?” he asked, handing me the washcloth. “I’ve never seen you before.”
“New York,” I replied, taking the washcloth and setting it against the gash in my head, instant relief trickling through my body as I sighed. “Where am I, anyway?”
“Serinia,” he replied. “Where’s New York? I’ve never heard of a place like that before.”
“In the United States,” I explained, assuming that we must be in some remote part of Europe, or the likes.
“Oh! The United States of Kilbar- of course. They have a bunch of weird names for their provinces!”
“Of Kilbar? No, of America.”
I was met with another blank stare, but Oliver just shook his head, walking over to the ice chest.
“I was never good with geography or whatever. Well, want something to eat until Jay gets here?” he asked, pulling a block of cheese out of the chest, and I nodded.
“Nope! He can’t eat!” a voice chirped, and Oliver let out a nervous laugh, turning his attention to the window. “At least not until Jay figures out what’s wrong! Don’t wanna have to wait to cut ‘im open if he needs surgery!”
“Hey, Bia,” Oliver said, setting the cheese down on the marble-top counter, and the robin standing in the windowsill flew inside, landing on his shoulder. “A little cheese can’t hurt, right? Who knows when he last ate?”
“Nope. Can’t.”
My head started spinning again at the sight of a talking bird, so I lay my head against the pillow, watching the bird and the boy bicker back and forth, which ended in Oliver grumbling about a stupid, stingy bird, and Bia picking at a wedge of the cheese, happily.
“Who’s your parallel, kid?” the bird chirped, drifting over and landing on my shoulder. “I’m sure that they’re missing ya.”
“Parallel? Oliver, is that what you were talking about that?”
“Yeah, your parallel. You have to have one,” Oliver called from the other room, opening the door up, and as a gust of warm air floated in, I caught sight of Jay. His long, silvery hair was tied up in a black ribbon, and he wore a dull brown coat which came down to his ankles, and his satchel that was slung over his shoulder was weighed down.
“So, Clover, what’s up with this kid?” he asked, hanging his coat up, revealing his prosthetic left arm, under the rolled down dress shirt sleeve.
“Peter here must’ve hit his head pretty hard, because he doesn’t even remember his parallel’s name,” Clover sighed, and Jay sat down on the bet next to me, Bia jumping on his shoulder but he shooed her away, extending his good hand.
“Hi, Peter, I’m Jay, the doctor here in this part of Serinia. I’m sure you’ve already met my parallel, Bia, so let’s just get down to checking you out,” he smiled, setting his back down on the crumpled blanket, pulling out a small flashlight, and he turned my head.
I felt his metal fingers run through my hair, pulling pieces aside carefully, ghosting over the cut, and a small gasp escaped from my mouth as he started to dab it with an alcohol-dosed swab, which burned, but I bit my lip and sucked it up.
“Alright, Peter, you won’t need stitches or anything of the sort, but I’ll need to wrap your head up,” he explained, pulling out a roll of bandages, and he bound the gash, tightly, and I felt the blood seeping through the bandages. When he was done and got up, he handed me a bottle of pills- painkillers- and dragged Clover and Oliver into the other room. I only caught snippets of the conversation, but it was all done when I heard the heated tones in their voice.
“Oliver, you’ve had enough favours from me! I can’t just keep doing these things for you!”
“But we don’t have anything to pay you with!”
“Of course you do! Don’t you go to the town centre every weekend and sell your flowers and such? Where does the money you get from that go?”
“We need it to survive! Besides, you’re our friend! Why can’t you do this for us?”
“Because I do stuff like this for everyone! I’m almost broke, Oliver, can’t you see that! Peter needs to go to a hospital in Sintalia or something for that gash, but I don’t have anything I can treat it with!”
Shakily, I stood up, laying the bottle of pills on the bed, and dragged myself over to the doorframe, leaning on it for stability.
“I can work to pay it off,” I said, and they all turned, Oliver bearing a nervous smile.
“Oh, you heard us?” Oliver asked, and I nodded, and Jay sighed, the bored expression on his face easing to a prim smile.
“That could work,” he muttered, but Oliver took his arm, clenching it.
“No! Can’t you see that he’s in no condition to work?”
“Of course I can, idiot. I’m a doctor. But he can probably do small tasks and such, as long as he doesn’t overwork himself.”
“No! He’s not working, and that’s final!”
I cleared my throat, dragging both of their attentions back to me, and I said,
“Don’t I get a say for myself? I can work, I just need some rest.”
“See, told you. If he’s up to it, he can come by tomorrow by ten. Bia will check on you earlier than that,” he said, throwing his coat on and stabbing Oliver with a smug smirk. “Bye for now.”
With Bia perched on his shoulder, he strode out the door, and Oliver sighed, sliding down the wall, his face in his hands.
“He would’ve given in at some point, Peter, I know he would have.”
“Well, I don’t like being in debt to somebody.”
A groan.
“Go to sleep. It’s already past nine, and you’ll want some sleep for tomorrow.”
“It’s not like I sleep anyway.”
“That wasn’t a request, Peter.”
“Do you really think that a kindergartener can boss me around?”
“I’m fourteen.”
“Whatever, I’m still older than you.”
“By what, two days?”
“More like two years.”
“Just get to bed.”
I sighed and walked back into the other room, laying down, pulling the blanket over me, and setting the quilt on the ground, folded. Clover leaped up on the bed next to me, laying next to my face, her emerald eyes glaring at me, but the feeling of a feline glowering over me as I slept was a familiar one.
“Cut him some slack, Peter,” she meowed as I heard water running upstairs. “It’s hard for me do deal with Jay sometimes, so I can’t even imagine how hard it is for a kid like him.”
“So? You should never be in debt.”
“That’s just the way it works here.”
“Whatever. Night.”
by tuesdaysart » Wed Sep 17, 2014 11:59 am
Arachin wrote:Hey guys! I made a post a while back about this project, but I'm pretty sure that it got lost in a conversation, so I'm posting it again- with the compelted, unedited version of chapter one.Arachin wrote:Salut! I have a request for you guys!
I've been writing a story for a while, but I can never get it just right. So I keep rewriting it. I have finally got information laid down, a good plot, characters, etcetra.
Now all I need is somebody to look over my writing.
If you guys are interested, I think I'll post snippits of the writing that I'm not too sure of, and you guys can edit them to your heart's content. Below will be what I have of the first chapter below- all opinions, good and bad, are welcome, as long as you can help on some you <3
Merci!Chapter One
While the glassy surface of the water cracked and shattered in a distorted dance, a worn smooth stone dragged itself to a damp bed that resided at the bottom of the creek, bubbly streams of air accompanying it. Bark chipped and dropped to the ground from the tree branch that was damaged from age, as I swung my legs back and forth, my fingers teasing the loose thread unfurling itself from my shirtsleeve, watching a departed leaf float away with the wind. Flimsily, a makeshift straw basket filled with a variety of flat pebbles perilously hung next to me, swaying in the crisp wind. Like a repetitive chant, the low grumble of flowing water droned past my ears, while the sun inched downwards, pulling streaks of warm colours behind it, as if it were trying to paint the sky a darker tint.
My lingering arm wrapped itself around my sister’s shoulders, the scratchiness of her sweater digging into my side, and she limply lifted her arm, tossing the pebble across the air, and it splashed into the water. A small breath escaped her ajar mouth as she brought her legs up onto the limb and lay her head down on my lap, closing her eyes, long, orderly strands of brown hair running through my fingers as I combed through it. The softness of her voice mixed in with the silent cricket’s song and the hush of the grass
“Hey, Peter?” she whispered, her eyes still shut, her arm dangling off the branch, a butterfly darting past it.
“Yeah?” I replied, taking my hand away and laying it on her side, making sure that she didn’t shift and fall.
“Are you happy?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it sounds like. Are you?”
“I’m not much to worry about. I’m okay if you are.”
The fake smile plastered on my face didn’t reach her gaze, thankfully, because she would have been able to see right past it. Sure, I loved her, but my life wasn’t anything to be happy about. With the weak, tired smile on her face, she sat up, swinging her legs around and jumping off the tree, a stray string on her sweater catching on a tree and tearing, but she didn’t notice.
“Love you,” she called up, and while she walked back up to the house I saw the silhouette of Sammy, the freeloading feline, in the illuminated window, watching us, and I jumped down from the tree as well once she got inside safe and sound. As I stared into the water, my reflection stared back at me, seemingly mocking me.
I’m not particularly good-looking. No perfect build or striking facial features, no beautiful blue eyes that any girl would fall into, or gleaming smile to fool a passerby. My hair stuck up in places, messy from the wind, and it would never stay down, even if I combed it down a hundred times or used an entire container of hair gel, and my eyes were just a dull brown that sported dark shadows from the nights I would stay up late, studying. That was almost every night.
My life mirrored my looks- boring and unexciting. I went to school, I didn’t have any friends, and I was a straight A student. I wasn’t like that cool kid in the back of the class that all the girls would fall for because he was so mysterious and perfect. I was just boring and plain. Of course, I would probably get married, buy a house, have 2.5 kids and die one day.
Of course I would die one day- that was the only thing I was certain of.
“Peter,” a voice called, sickening sweetness dripping from it, and I turned to see if my sister had come back to drag me inside, but she was not there. Disregarding it, I turned back around, looking into the water, but my reflection did not stare back at me, only emptiness. Emerging my hand into the vacant water, I shivered, coldness dancing on my fingertips, entrancing me, and I dug my hand deeper in.
A scream- my scream- echoed through the trees as I felt someone else’s hand grasp my own, their fingers entwining with mine, and I was pulled into the water. Instead of the ‘splash’ I expected, I found myself suspended in a dark void, where not a sound could escape from my mouth, not a vision traced over my eyes, not a smell wafted through the air. It was only empty.
“H-Hello?” I think I called, but was unable to tell, because I did not hear the words travel. “Is anyone here?”
“Rachel?” I called, thinking only of my sister, hoping that she might be out here. “Mum? Dad? Sammy?!”
Nothing.
Maybe a tear rolled down my face, and maybe I screamed, or maybe I stayed silent. All I knew was that I closed my eyes and curled up into a ball, just like the way I would when I was younger. I would come home from kindergarten and curl up in my mum’s lap, while toddler Rachel would watch her cartoons, sitting on the floor with a plastic bowl of dry cereal. Mum’s hands would hold me close, and if I came up to her chest, the beating of her heart would echo through my ears and calm me, so I knew that I was safe.
“Peter,” the same voice called again, and I looked around, expecting to see someone, anyone there. But the voice did not call out again, dropping me into the senseless void.
“NO!” I screamed, shooting my eyes open, revealed to the world around me, my sides aching and my cheeks wet.
“Oh, look, he’s awake,” a voice called, and I sat up, coming face-to-face with a short kid with mousy brown hair and a plague of freckles scattered on his sunburned face. A chipped tooth stood out in his smile as he extended a hand, pulling me up. A dusty grey cat sat by his side, her overly fluffed fur floating in the wind, and she yawned, bearing a chipped tooth identical to the kid’s.
“W-Where am I?” I asked, setting a hand on my aching forehead, using the other to dry the teary remains of my fit off my face. The kid completely disregarded my question and turned to a tree overhead, scuttling up it and grabbing an apple. I almost dropped it when he threw it down to me, and splinters of dark stuck in his callused hands as he slid down the old apple tree.
“Who’s Rachel? Your parallel?” he asked, taking a bite out of another apple, taking almost half of it off, then he handed the rest of it to the cat, who pulled it over to the shade, laying down, and chewed on it.
“Rachel! Oh no, where’s Rachel? Is she here?” I frantically asked, dropping the apple on the ground and looking around at the unfamiliar place. White stucco walls closed me in to a courtyard like area, with a brick stone circle in the center, ivy growing on the walls and pink flowers dancing around the top of the gate.
“Don’t get too worked up, Rachel can’t be too far away from you, remember? Or did you knock your head that hard?”
“She can’t be that far away? What’s that mean?”
“Rachel’s, your parallel, right?” he asked, picking the apple up off a patch of grass and shining it on his yellowed shirt, which had fraying strings at the edges and holes around the hem.
“My what?”
“Don’t tell me this kid is that stupid, Oliver,” the cat hissed, and I turned, eyes widened in shock. I must be hearing things. Feeling woozy, I slid my back down against the tree, pulling my knees up to my chest.
“Please, just give me a straight answer this time. Did that cat just talk?” I asked, my voice faint and weak, and the princess-like cat pranced over to me, glare intact.
“Sorry, was I interrupting your precious conversation with my worthless opinion? What a shame,” she sneered, sarcasm dripping from the fangs that spat those words at me. That was when I reentered the darkness, unable to believe what I had just seen.
When I reentered the plane of existence, a burlap blanket was spread over me, the moon shining in through the window, stars dotting the sky, and I sat up, yawning. Looking down, I saw the kid laying on the floor, wrapped in a quilt, a stack of old leather book serving as his pillow, the cat laying against the crook of his neck, purring slightly.
“Oh, he’s come back to us again, Oliver,” the cat yawned, stretching, then she batted at the boy’s pierced ear, a feather hanging from the black stud. “Oliver, get up.”
“Geez, I told you to wake me up before he got up so we could get some medicine or something?” he replied, sitting up, extending his arms up over his head, then looked up at me, sitting with his legs crossed and bare feet wrapped in his hands.
“Sorry about that. We can go into to town and get medicine for your head tomorrow,” Oliver smiled, and I reached a hand around to the back of my head, feeling dampness in my hair. Blood ran down my fingers when I pulled my hand away, and I screamed in shock, tangling myself in the blankets, and Oliver jumped up, putting his hands on my shoulders.
“Calm down,” he sighed, then grabbed the quilt and wrapped me in it. “Clover, call Jay, I think we’ll need some actual help for this nutcase.”
“Hey!” I retorted. “I’m not the crazy one here! There are talking cats and I’m bleeding and my sister is gone! And neither of you will give me a straight answer to anything! I just want to get home!”
“He’s crazy alright,” the cat growled, walking out the door, grabbing a small pouch from around the door, swinging it around her neck, a small bell jingling as it ran around the strap.
“I’ll be back. Make sure he doesn’t die.”
The room was silent as Oliver walked across the room, taking a washcloth off the wall, dampening it, the water running out of the faucet and into a bowl, which he then used to water some flowers outside of the window.
“So, where are you from?” he asked, handing me the washcloth. “I’ve never seen you before.”
“New York,” I replied, taking the washcloth and setting it against the gash in my head, instant relief trickling through my body as I sighed. “Where am I, anyway?”
“Serinia,” he replied. “Where’s New York? I’ve never heard of a place like that before.”
“In the United States,” I explained, assuming that we must be in some remote part of Europe, or the likes.
“Oh! The United States of Kilbar- of course. They have a bunch of weird names for their provinces!”
“Of Kilbar? No, of America.”
I was met with another blank stare, but Oliver just shook his head, walking over to the ice chest.
“I was never good with geography or whatever. Well, want something to eat until Jay gets here?” he asked, pulling a block of cheese out of the chest, and I nodded.
“Nope! He can’t eat!” a voice chirped, and Oliver let out a nervous laugh, turning his attention to the window. “At least not until Jay figures out what’s wrong! Don’t wanna have to wait to cut ‘im open if he needs surgery!”
“Hey, Bia,” Oliver said, setting the cheese down on the marble-top counter, and the robin standing in the windowsill flew inside, landing on his shoulder. “A little cheese can’t hurt, right? Who knows when he last ate?”
“Nope. Can’t.”
My head started spinning again at the sight of a talking bird, so I lay my head against the pillow, watching the bird and the boy bicker back and forth, which ended in Oliver grumbling about a stupid, stingy bird, and Bia picking at a wedge of the cheese, happily.
“Who’s your parallel, kid?” the bird chirped, drifting over and landing on my shoulder. “I’m sure that they’re missing ya.”
“Parallel? Oliver, is that what you were talking about that?”
“Yeah, your parallel. You have to have one,” Oliver called from the other room, opening the door up, and as a gust of warm air floated in, I caught sight of Jay. His long, silvery hair was tied up in a black ribbon, and he wore a dull brown coat which came down to his ankles, and his satchel that was slung over his shoulder was weighed down.
“So, Clover, what’s up with this kid?” he asked, hanging his coat up, revealing his prosthetic left arm, under the rolled down dress shirt sleeve.
“Peter here must’ve hit his head pretty hard, because he doesn’t even remember his parallel’s name,” Clover sighed, and Jay sat down on the bet next to me, Bia jumping on his shoulder but he shooed her away, extending his good hand.
“Hi, Peter, I’m Jay, the doctor here in this part of Serinia. I’m sure you’ve already met my parallel, Bia, so let’s just get down to checking you out,” he smiled, setting his back down on the crumpled blanket, pulling out a small flashlight, and he turned my head.
I felt his metal fingers run through my hair, pulling pieces aside carefully, ghosting over the cut, and a small gasp escaped from my mouth as he started to dab it with an alcohol-dosed swab, which burned, but I bit my lip and sucked it up.
“Alright, Peter, you won’t need stitches or anything of the sort, but I’ll need to wrap your head up,” he explained, pulling out a roll of bandages, and he bound the gash, tightly, and I felt the blood seeping through the bandages. When he was done and got up, he handed me a bottle of pills- painkillers- and dragged Clover and Oliver into the other room. I only caught snippets of the conversation, but it was all done when I heard the heated tones in their voice.
“Oliver, you’ve had enough favours from me! I can’t just keep doing these things for you!”
“But we don’t have anything to pay you with!”
“Of course you do! Don’t you go to the town centre every weekend and sell your flowers and such? Where does the money you get from that go?”
“We need it to survive! Besides, you’re our friend! Why can’t you do this for us?”
“Because I do stuff like this for everyone! I’m almost broke, Oliver, can’t you see that! Peter needs to go to a hospital in Sintalia or something for that gash, but I don’t have anything I can treat it with!”
Shakily, I stood up, laying the bottle of pills on the bed, and dragged myself over to the doorframe, leaning on it for stability.
“I can work to pay it off,” I said, and they all turned, Oliver bearing a nervous smile.
“Oh, you heard us?” Oliver asked, and I nodded, and Jay sighed, the bored expression on his face easing to a prim smile.
“That could work,” he muttered, but Oliver took his arm, clenching it.
“No! Can’t you see that he’s in no condition to work?”
“Of course I can, idiot. I’m a doctor. But he can probably do small tasks and such, as long as he doesn’t overwork himself.”
“No! He’s not working, and that’s final!”
I cleared my throat, dragging both of their attentions back to me, and I said,
“Don’t I get a say for myself? I can work, I just need some rest.”
“See, told you. If he’s up to it, he can come by tomorrow by ten. Bia will check on you earlier than that,” he said, throwing his coat on and stabbing Oliver with a smug smirk. “Bye for now.”
With Bia perched on his shoulder, he strode out the door, and Oliver sighed, sliding down the wall, his face in his hands.
“He would’ve given in at some point, Peter, I know he would have.”
“Well, I don’t like being in debt to somebody.”
A groan.
“Go to sleep. It’s already past nine, and you’ll want some sleep for tomorrow.”
“It’s not like I sleep anyway.”
“That wasn’t a request, Peter.”
“Do you really think that a kindergartener can boss me around?”
“I’m fourteen.”
“Whatever, I’m still older than you.”
“By what, two days?”
“More like two years.”
“Just get to bed.”
I sighed and walked back into the other room, laying down, pulling the blanket over me, and setting the quilt on the ground, folded. Clover leaped up on the bed next to me, laying next to my face, her emerald eyes glaring at me, but the feeling of a feline glowering over me as I slept was a familiar one.
“Cut him some slack, Peter,” she meowed as I heard water running upstairs. “It’s hard for me do deal with Jay sometimes, so I can’t even imagine how hard it is for a kid like him.”
“So? You should never be in debt.”
“That’s just the way it works here.”
“Whatever. Night.”
by sundance, » Wed Sep 17, 2014 12:19 pm
When Aly was a little furry baby she was grey. A dull, lifeless gray, the kind you expect a waiting room to be. Nevertheless, this girl hoped with all her heart one day she would be colorful, she wished for at least a tiny dot of brightness in her fur to appear. Day after day she's wish upon shooting stars, she believed in the power of 11:11- every superstitious ritual you can think of, she practiced. However, one day she grew out of them, realizing how useless it was to do such things, so she decided to be proactive: she'd dye her fur. Nonetheless, not a single dye she tried could stick to her fur. Glum, Alyeska watched daily how the colors bled out of her fur when she took a bath. After such futile attempts at acquiring a more festive coat, Aly decided it wasn't worth it anymore, and came to terms with her pale, lifeless fur.
One good day, a rainbow appeared out of nowhere. Mesmerized by the vibrant hues, Aly went to pursue such a precious thing (keep in mind she was 7 years old). When Alyeska realized she couldn't reach the rainbow, she decided she'd create one herself, and after weeks of experimenting, the furry little kia managed to cast a faint rainbow against the kitchen counter. Excited by her discovery, she squealed in glee, and when her mouth opened to emit the childish sound, the rainbow slipped inside her mouth, eliciting a gasp from the girl. It tasted quite differently from what you expect a rainbow to taste... It seemed to be flavored with cherries... Or blueberries? Was it grapes she perceived? Once Aly tried it, she couldn't help herself from gobbling it all eagerly. However, when she looked at her reflection moments later she realized how bright she's become.
She herself was the rainbow!
━━━
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by tuesdaysart » Wed Sep 17, 2014 12:30 pm
sundance. wrote:could I please get some critique on this?When Aly was a little furry baby she was grey. A dull, lifeless gray, the kind you expect a waiting room to be. Nevertheless, this girl hoped with all her heart one day she would be colorful, she wished for at least a tiny dot of brightness in her fur to appear. Day after day she's wish upon shooting stars, she believed in the power of 11:11- every superstitious ritual you can think of, she practiced. However, one day she grew out of them, realizing how useless it was to do such things, so she decided to be proactive: she'd dye her fur. Nonetheless, not a single dye she tried could stick to her fur. Glum, Alyeska watched daily how the colors bled out of her fur when she took a bath. After such futile attempts at acquiring a more festive coat, Aly decided it wasn't worth it anymore, and came to terms with her pale, lifeless fur.
One good day, a rainbow appeared out of nowhere. Mesmerized by the vibrant hues, Aly went to pursue such a precious thing (keep in mind she was 7 years old). When Alyeska realized she couldn't reach the rainbow, she decided she'd create one herself, and after weeks of experimenting, the furry little kia managed to cast a faint rainbow against the kitchen counter. Excited by her discovery, she squealed in glee, and when her mouth opened to emit the childish sound, the rainbow slipped inside her mouth, eliciting a gasp from the girl. It tasted quite differently from what you expect a rainbow to taste... It seemed to be flavored with cherries... Or blueberries? Was it grapes she perceived? Once Aly tried it, she couldn't help herself from gobbling it all eagerly. However, when she looked at her reflection moments later she realized how bright she's become.
She herself was the rainbow!
thanks!
by Meroei » Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:02 pm
Cali Spaniel wrote:sundance. wrote:could I please get some critique on this?When Aly was a little furry baby she was grey. A dull, lifeless gray, the kind you expect a waiting room to be. Nevertheless, this girl hoped with all her heart one day she would be colorful, she wished for at least a tiny dot of brightness in her fur to appear. Day after day she's wish upon shooting stars, she believed in the power of 11:11- every superstitious ritual you can think of, she practiced. However, one day she grew out of them, realizing how useless it was to do such things, so she decided to be proactive: she'd dye her fur. Nonetheless, not a single dye she tried could stick to her fur. Glum, Alyeska watched daily how the colors bled out of her fur when she took a bath. After such futile attempts at acquiring a more festive coat, Aly decided it wasn't worth it anymore, and came to terms with her pale, lifeless fur.
One good day, a rainbow appeared out of nowhere. Mesmerized by the vibrant hues, Aly went to pursue such a precious thing (keep in mind she was 7 years old). When Alyeska realized she couldn't reach the rainbow, she decided she'd create one herself, and after weeks of experimenting, the furry little kia managed to cast a faint rainbow against the kitchen counter. Excited by her discovery, she squealed in glee, and when her mouth opened to emit the childish sound, the rainbow slipped inside her mouth, eliciting a gasp from the girl. It tasted quite differently from what you expect a rainbow to taste... It seemed to be flavored with cherries... Or blueberries? Was it grapes she perceived? Once Aly tried it, she couldn't help herself from gobbling it all eagerly. However, when she looked at her reflection moments later she realized how bright she's become.
She herself was the rainbow!
thanks!
:"3 I LOVE THIS.
*This would sell a lot of Skittles, 'ya know.*
oh dear, yes!
by wane » Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:53 pm
by Roadhog » Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:55 pm
by Dylan Klebold » Wed Sep 17, 2014 2:00 pm
Gerard Way wrote:Has anyone heard of Twinery?
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