{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ } LOCK! NEW THREAD

[Dylan Klebold]

can anyone possibly critique my fanfic so far please? C:

The doors to the throne room creaked open with a roar. The golden robot's head slowly rose as the room illuminated from the golden floor.

"Your highness, another prisoner." a dungeonhand said, pushing the man in handcuffs forward.

The golden robot's feet touched the ground with a metallic clang as he walked to the prisoner; who was in rags.

"You have committed one too many crimes in my kingdom." the golden robot said, pacing in front of the prisoner. His nylon rubber hands ran over the metal of the handcuffs.

"You have it all wrong, your highness! See, I never did any of these things, I swear!" the prisoner pleaded, as the golden robot walked back to his throne of gold.

The robot's robes dragged across the ground as he made his way up the steps. After a minute or so of silence, the golden robot's head bobbed up and down.

"Take him away." he said, as the dungeonhand took the prisoner and ushered him into the next room.

"No, please, you have it all wrong!" the prisoner screeched and kicked, being shut into the room before there was a sharp riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip echoing the golden room.

A smile lit up on the golden robot's face. "What do you think about your humans now, Thomas?"

The light poured into the room through the drapes as morning took the two sleeping robots out of sleep mode. The silver one, the one with a narrow visor and small crown, walked over to the gold robot and assisted him up.

"Good morning, Guy. Time to get up." the silver robot said, as Guy reluctantly got up.

"Thomas! It's your day to judge the prisoners!" Guy hissed, as he opened the closet, revealing two capes: one long golden one, and a shorter silver one. Guy grabbed the golden one and threw it on his back.

"Right, right." Thomas teased, grabbing the silver robe and heading out the door and into the hallway that had gold and silver decorations everywhere. The long walk to the throne was eerily quiet, for Thomas and Guy usually had talked about the previous day.

The throne room's doors were swung open, revealing two people, two humans, polishing the silver and gold accents of the thrones. With a wave of Thomas's hand, the two were dismissed. Guy walked to his throne and sat down. Thomas did the same, and there was a moment of silence before Guy's fingers snapped.

"One flash drive, grapes.exe s'il vous plait! Now!" he hissed, as one person ran off into one of the doors.

"Guy, you got to think a-"

"Who cares about the humans? Do they really have any purpose here?" Guy hissed, as the person arrived, holding a purple flash drive.

Thomas looked at Guy, a question mark appearing on his black monitor. "Guy! How dare you say that about our inhabitants?! You know they look up to us like we are their gods!" he hissed, as Guy plugged in the USB drive into a port on the left side of his neck.

A bunch of grapes showed up on Guy's visor. "So what? They're all going to die anyway." he said, rolling his head towards Thomas, who sat to the right of him.

"SO WHAT?! Really? Damn, Guy, some days I wished I ruled this kingdom alone. But you are the one-" Thomas said, as the doors burst open, revealing a worn out messenger.

Guy gave the grape-colored USB stick to the assistant, who then took it away. He sat up in his chair, as the grapes faded off of the monitor. Thomas's monitor faded to black as well. "What is it?" Guy asked, raising his head.

"C-c-come outside. You need to see this." the messenger said, as both Thomas and Guy stood up in unison. The messenger led the two overlords to a field, where a farmer and his family laid dead on the field.

"Told you, Thomas. These fleshy humans don't last long." Guy said, being elbowed by Thomas.

"Shush." Thomas hissed, as the messenger started to talk.

"There was a black shadow... It looked like a human with the head of a mouse. But we didn't dare come close to it. The shadow had two large cats behind him; one was grey and one was a black and white tuxedo. Both female, I predict. But that mouse man can kill. That's why I came for you, to ask for heightened defenses." he said, looking into the woods.

"Deadmau5. Gotta be him." Guy said, under his breath.

see the full thing here

I added to it last night.

[SilverBlade]

The book I'm writing at the moment, first I wrote about half of the first chapter, then I wrote the beginning of the epilogue, then I wrote most of the third chapter, and now I'm alternating between writing a much later scene and the rest of Chapter One. c: You could also say I did two other scenes ahead of time as well, since I wrote them individually as short stories and I'm planning to incorporate them into the larger work.

I find writing scenes as I think of them, rather than in the order they actually happen, helps me to work out where I want the story to end up. It also makes it easier to write the parts in between that I haven't quite worked out yet because by solidifying what happens before and after, I start to see ways to connect them I might never have thought of otherwise. I have writer's block issues pretty often, too, so working on a later scene when I'm not sure how to continue from the current point in the story keeps me working instead of staring at a blank sheet of paper, and it can help me find inspiration for the parts I wasn't sure about before.

Now, should you write that way? Only you can answer that. What works especially well for one person is not always best for someone else; every writer is different. But if writing things out of order seems to suit your style, go for it! There is no "wrong" way to write, as long as the end product is something you can be proud of.

I'm glad to hear that, thank you! :3
And yes, it seems to work for me. c:

[arte]

@casablancas. I'm going to PM my critiquing to you, ok?

[Dylan Klebold]

@casablancas. I'm going to PM my critiquing to you, ok?

alright :)

[Greenleaf]

Is anyone willing to critique the prologue of this new story I've started? It'll have to be over pm, as I'm currently not willing to publish it online yet.

[arte]

Is anyone willing to critique the prologue of this new story I've started? It'll have to be over pm, as I'm currently not willing to publish it online yet.

I'm willing (:

[catra]

I love doing semi lit roleplays because it's like slowly taking turns writing a book with another person.
ovo

[NopesaurusRexx]

Is anyone willing to critique the prologue of this new story I've started? It'll have to be over pm, as I'm currently not willing to publish it online yet.

I'd love too! =)

[Solarizing]

Username: SolarDæmon

What we will call you: Sola

Will you critique other's work?: Yes, I absolutely love critiquing others writing. =D I'm in Honors English at high school and have an A+ in the class, so most of the advice I give will likely be helpful. I can give my honest thoughts and opinions on one's work and I apologize in advance if my extensive editing comes across as overly critical XD My strengths are mainly in character development and overall writing. I don't know every tiny specific rule of English grammar but I know the basics and can let you know if there's something you're doing wrong. Feel free to PM me with your story, but keep in mind that I'm relatively busy, so I might not always be able to get around to it.

Links to your story if you have any: Unfortunately I don't post any of my work online, as I don't want to risk it being stolen. A few of my stories I'm actually aiming to publish, so I don't want any chance of it being replicated or having the publishers turn me down because the text can be found online.

Anything you want us to know?:
I've been writing since elementary school (mainly just Pokémon and Warriors fanfics for fun) but never got really into creating an original story since late 8th grade. I'm hooked on being a writer now, and completed my first novel (it finished at around 60K words) this last March. I mainly focus on fantasy and science fiction, but also journal and write memoirs and poetry when the mood strikes me. I currently have one novel finished (not counting revisions/edits), one in the works, and at least five others planned out. I'm aiming to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. (I've tried to do it the last two years but I didn't have the time.) I'm fairly social and love talking to people, so if you want to chat about writing, I'd definitely love to strike up a conversation with you. =)

[catra]

Username:
✩GalaxyCat✩
What we will call you:
Xy
Will you critique other's work?: (yes, no, or possibly.)
Possibly c:
Links to your story if you have any: None on CS.
Anything you want us to know?:
I am a very young writer so if I ever post anything to critique please don't say something rude or sarcastic.
Oh and I really like to correct people's grammar/spelling.
It's kind of a habit c: