My Dirty Little Secret *Feedback Needed* :D

[denji3884]

This is so good! Keep writing, it’s amazing.

<3

[sherbertluver2]

Welp, I just added a few more paragraphs. The * is where I stopped the first time. Enjoy and give me more feedback!

[denji3884]

I love it! <3

[sherbertluver2]

I'm glad! :3 I really wanna be an author and publish a book!

[denji3884]

I’ll read your books <3 I’d love to.

More~!

[sherbertluver2]

Awwhh thanks! <3 I appreciate it! And okay, I'll keep writing!

[list the unknown]

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.........................................I. Need. MORE!

[denji3884]

Moar!

[insanity :)]

I love this! Please keep writing! c:

[yoyo8888]

My Dirty Little Secret

Okay so I really liked the addition, but I do have some comments. Hope you don't mind too much.

Her last name isn’t important because soon it’ll be the same as mine.

I don't know if this line is absolutely necessary. In other words, I don't know if it really adds to the work. It can kinda be inferred already.

Even worse, her gown wasn’t even traditional white; it was a mottled peach color.

I think I get what you're going for here, but it might be better if you could find a way to show why this is so off putting to your character, even if its just a restatement that she hates Veronica.

...it was too busy, suffocated in lace, sparkles, and ruffles...

It was ugly because Dad let Veronica pick it out. It looked like a dress that Laura from Little House on the Prairie would wear; it was a faded mint green with thick Grandma-style lace on the chest. “It’ll look absolutely ADORABLE on you, sweetie!” Veronica had crooned when she picked it out. I objected, but, knowing full well that I hated it, still bought it.

I love the description here.

...It’s the day of my dad’s second wedding, and he was busy gussying up...

“It’s… not what I expected.” She turned her nose up to it, obviously unable to appreciate beauty and hard work. Suddenly, she sauntered forward, stuck her hand out, and tipped the board holding the cake towards her. The situation seemed to occur in slow motion; the cake slipped off the board, burying Veronica and her ugly dress in a mountain of vanilla and coconut flavored dessert. “MY DRESS! MY CAKE!” She screamed furiously at me! “LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE! THE WEDDING IS RUINED!” Veronica’s screeching at me was not surprising, but blaming me for her purposeful deed was new. SHE dumped cake all over herself and had the nerve to blame it all on ME? My mouth opened wide into an “o” shape, readying itself to let loose a few choice, inappropriate-but-not-for-this-situation words.

“Veronica, dear, what seems to- HOLY MOTHER OF!” My dad sprinted into the room, his tux only half buttoned. He looked at me in shock and disappointment.

I really like your characterization here.

Of course these are just my ideas, and it's your creation. If anything I said helps you, or any one for that matter, I'll be happy.
All to say, Please write more.