{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ } A Thread For Writers

[Artesian]

Okay, all ye' writers, I've got a problem. I'm writing a first-person, present tense novel, but I need to write a bit of it from the perspective of someone else, telling my character. Thing is, having him sit across the table from my character and just relate it in a conversation feels... dry. Can anyone think of some other way I could tell his story from the perspective of my main character?

Thanks.

[crescent + cheep]

Okay, all ye' writers, I've got a problem. I'm writing a first-person, present tense novel, but I need to write a bit of it from the perspective of someone else, telling my character. Thing is, having him sit across the table from my character and just relate it in a conversation feels... dry. Can anyone think of some other way I could tell his story from the perspective of my main character?

Thanks.

so the situation is that you switch from your main characters perspective to another persons perspective?

[eden .]

Okay, all ye' writers, I've got a problem. I'm writing a first-person, present tense novel, but I need to write a bit of it from the perspective of someone else, telling my character. Thing is, having him sit across the table from my character and just relate it in a conversation feels... dry. Can anyone think of some other way I could tell his story from the perspective of my main character?

Thanks.

depends on the character's personality. what're they like?

[haadez_]

I'm not sure what to write next for This. I was thinking that they should go somewhere, as a hide-out, and they could make it into a torture chamber, and hold people there, slowly killing them, but I don't know.. suggestions?

[Artesian]

Okay, all ye' writers, I've got a problem. I'm writing a first-person, present tense novel, but I need to write a bit of it from the perspective of someone else, telling my character. Thing is, having him sit across the table from my character and just relate it in a conversation feels... dry. Can anyone think of some other way I could tell his story from the perspective of my main character?

Thanks.

depends on the character's personality. what're they like?

Well, the character whose story has to be told isn't actually selected yet. It's what they do that is important, not who they are. Generally, though, competent, rough, honourable and old-friends with the main character.

@Fanged: Unfortunately, no. The whole thing, all fifty pages and counting of it, is in first person. I can't easily switch perspectives without a lot of rewrite. :-/

[skrundle]

I see you guys are doing a bit of critique here ^_^
@Celestii: I like where you're going with it, but I have to say I agree with everything everyone's been saying. Sorry Q_Q
But yeah, just for the fun of it, I think I'm gonna give first paragraphs a try! Right here and right now! ^_^
Then could you guys critique mine, too? I think my writing skills are dropping TT_TT
Anyhoo, here I go:

It's the only thing I have to calm me right now. A repetitive noise. A constant, sturdy beat, telling me I'm still alive.
My racing heartbeat.
My legs ache so much from squatting, and the sharp branches of this thick bush leave scrapes on my thin, pale legs. I want so badly to get up, to run, but I know if I do it'll be instant death. Instant. Though I suppose immediate death would be better than a slow, painful and torturous one. But the thing is, I don't feel 'ready' to die. And of course, that's exactly how Dad felt before he was killed.
I wonder if the thing that killed him is the same thing trying to kill me now?
Then everything seems still. It's almost an unreal stillness, like it doesn't belong. I hold my raspy breath, and my ears search intentively to my surroundings. Silence. Could the coast be clear? Might I be spared this fatal day? With that in mind, I slowly stick my head out of my hiding place and scan everything around me. The same unreal stillness still haunts the area. Now could be my chance to run to freedom. To run home, if I even have a home left. Deep in my heart I know everyone's gone, dead to this world. But nevertheless, I will run and preserve my life at least one more day.
I stand up, slowly as if I'm an ill person who's been bedridden for months. I feel dizzy, my blood pressure soaring up as I take my first step. I can feel it. I can feel my blood blasting through my veins. Waiting to be spilled. Every cell in my body screams to me to hide. My heart, though, states otherwise. I honestly hate it when my body argues like this. It makes my movements clumsy and unpredictable. My body fails to listen to my mind because it knows my mind has spiraled down into insanity long ago. Also, my body already has a mind of its own.
"It's alright, it's alright." I tell myself. No, no it's not alright. Why am I lying to myself like this? Could I be trying to--
I scream.
It has hold of me. That thing. It grabbed my poor, weak body with its.... Talons? No, not talons. More like knives. But that just can't be possible....!
Confusion overwhelmes me as every one of my muscles falls limp. I can't move. Something, one of the knives, is protruding from my chest. I see my blood. I can't hear my screams. I can feel pain. I can't see. I can hear my screams. Slowly I realize they aren't my screams, but something completely unhuman. Out to destroy and kill, and watch with glee as living souls sob and writhe in agony. It must be the devil himself.
Then I can't see nor hear.

Woah, that turned out to be longer than I wanted..... Haha, once I start writing I can't stop! xD
Critique please? ^_^

[eden .]

Okay, all ye' writers, I've got a problem. I'm writing a first-person, present tense novel, but I need to write a bit of it from the perspective of someone else, telling my character. Thing is, having him sit across the table from my character and just relate it in a conversation feels... dry. Can anyone think of some other way I could tell his story from the perspective of my main character?

Thanks.

depends on the character's personality. what're they like?

Well, the character whose story has to be told isn't actually selected yet. It's what they do that is important, not who they are. Generally, though, competent, rough, honourable and old-friends with the main character.

@Fanged: Unfortunately, no. The whole thing, all fifty pages and counting of it, is in first person. I can't easily switch perspectives without a lot of rewrite. :-/

actually, I meant the personality of the narrator. XD
depending on how they think, you can approach this in different ways.
sorry, I should've been clearer =3=

[Artesian]

Glu: No worries. Well, the narrator... Hmm. Hard to sum up. He's stubborn, patient, and very irritated at almost everyone by this point in the story. He gets along with people well, but his very existence is an irritant to a large portion of his chosen field. He's very competent but not a geek or a genius. His moral compass is strong; but he's but not above fighting and killing enemies.

If you'd like, I can send you a snippet of it.

[Artesian]

And speaking of intros, what do y'all think of this one?

Click!

My senses were instantly on full alert. Click was never a good sound to hear when you're infiltrating a mad-scientist's lair. Click was the sound preceding swinging blades, disappearing floorboards or giant mousetraps setting in preparation for your unwary foot. I swallowed and drew my gun cautiously, scanning about me for the slightest hint of something odd.

Well, odd for a mad-scientist's lair. I've seen a few, you know, and they tend to fall into two categories: disorganized messes, and obsessive neatness. The disorganized messes usually have more accidental traps (rickety shelving units, paper avalanches, beakers of 'lemonade') than intentional ones. The obsessively neat lairs are simplistic to the point of creepiness. Some mad-scientists organize screws, and file everything in cabinets. They tend to have traps which, if you can spot the minute signs, are easy to avoid. The messes are far worse.

This one was a mess. It contained far too many things that whispered their pleas to be touched. Shiny bits of oddly gleaming metal. Large red buttons. Bits of wire vibrating in a glass box. Electrical arcs. To me, there are few things more beguiling than switches and buttons and pretty blinky lights.

Other heroes talk about this. They call it the Curious Cat syndrome. (Actually, they don't call it that. Heroes tend not to use grandiloquent words. They say things like, “S--t, don't touch that! What are you, mad?”) I've got the Curious Cat worse than most. Everyone says I should have been an engineer instead of a hero, but I was never one for regular nine-to-five jobs. Heroes work by the contract, and are paid by the job. Of course, it's almost impossible to get life insurance.

Edit: *snerk* Just noticed that CS replaced the s-word with "I need to watch my language". Ooops! ._.

[haadez_]

I'm not sure what to write next for This. I was thinking that they should go somewhere, as a hide-out, and they could make it into a torture chamber, and hold people there, slowly killing them, but I don't know.. suggestions?