Callaranes Island - unfinished story, tell me what you think

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OK, I've just started writing this story, called Callaranes Island, and I really need you guys to tall me what you think! Please give suggestions too. I seriously need those.

Where nobody knows, in a place unexplored, there is an island. An island of magical things, beautiful places, and terrible darkness. This place is called Callaranes Island.

My name is Nesha. I am a 14 year old elf. Now, elves aren’t what you think, small, happy and cute. No, we’re actually tall people and we have actual personalities. Elves only live on our island. Callaranes Island.
I live with my mother in a stone thatched hut, in our village near a forest. We have a stable with Unicorns, Pegasus and Forest Angels. Forest Angels are big horse-like creatures, with a mane that goes down to their tail. It’s annoying so we cut it. They have a long tail with a tuft on the end, cloved hooves and a horn on their nose. They’re super-fast and great for riding.
My lovely Pegasus is Eva. She’s a white one with a shade of blue. She’s my best friend. I also have a jet-black fox that is my little companion. Kora’s her name. We have a hunting wolf too. She is white with an emerald strung around her neck. Kora, Eva and I have dragon’s teeth around our necks. They show our togetherness.
Well, I think you’ve met our family.
The other day me and my friends were down at the water-fall, lying on the grass, we each had our animals with us.
“Do you guys think we should go for a ride tonight? Like, just us and our animals? I mean we’re old enough aren’t we?” said my friend Kiri.
“That would be really cool!” I replied. “How about you Alla?” Alla is another of my friends.
“Well, If my mother agrees. I mean, how far will we go?”
“Probably till we find a nice spot to sleep. And anyway, I haven’t done some real exploring lately, like we used to.” Replied Kiri. She’s always willing to do stuff, with or without her mother’s permission. Her unicorn is also an outgoing thing too, he’s always getting up to mischief and likes to cause trouble. Alla is more reluctant, but once she gets into stuff, she’s great.
“Well guys, we leave in two hours, get your packs and animals ready, see you soon!
We all got on our animals and picked up our foxes, (Alla actually has a wolf pup), and we rode back to the village, taking our own paths. We do that, it’s more peaceful. When I got the hut, I tied Eva up and Kora and I went inside.
“Nesha!” said my mother. “Where’ve you been? I’ve been waiting for you for about an hour!”
“Sorry Mother. I was with Alla and Kiri by the waterfall. I’ve a question for you. Do you mind if we go for a ride tonight? Like, go camping?” I replied.
“Nesha, I worry about you getting into danger. Remember when you were almost snatched by a wolf?”
“Mother, I was seven. Besides, I was walking and by myself too. This time I’m with my friends and riding. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, OK. Go and pack while I get your dinner. You’ll need it early.” Yay! I went to my room and got out my leather pouch. Then I got together all the stuff I would need, and put it in. Knife, flint stones, note book, bottle of ink, feather quill, rope, and my dragon-skin water holder. There.
I left the room where I found Mother at the table with my tea. I sat down and started to eat.
“Now, you will be careful?” she said.
“Yes! Yes, I will. I’ve my knife with me too.” I ate my tea quickly, then stood up. I got my pouch and put in over my shoulder, then walked outside to get Eva ready. She looked excited, as though she knew what we were doing. She probably does. Kora trotted out after me. I got my riding rug, draped it over Eva’s back. Then I strapped Kora’s little basket behind it and Kora yapped excitedly. She loves going on trips.
I went back inside and Mother got my cloak and put it over my tunic. She kissed my cheek and I went back out. I lifted Kora up into her basket. I grabbed Eva’s reins and put the loop in her mouth, then hoisted myself up onto her back.
“Bye Mother!” I said and I trotted Eva towards the forest path to the waterfall where I’d meet Alla and Kiri. “We’re staying overnight Kora!” I said, looking behind me. Kora barked happily. We started to gallop. Soon we got the waterfall where Kiri was already waiting, mounted on her black unicorn with her arctic fox in basket behind her.
“Hi Nesha!” She said. “I can’t wait to go! Which path should we take?”
“Well, we always go out to the fields, don’t we? So I think we should go up that hill” I pointed to the slope that the waterfall goes down, “and go along the river. That’ll lead us into the forest I suppose, and you never know what we’ll find.”
“Great idea!” replied Kiri. “Now we have to wait for Alla.”
“You won’t wait long,” I said, the we looked in the direction of Alla’s path. She emerged from the trees on her white unicorn and her wolf pup in his little basket. “Alla!”
“Hi” she said “So, which path are we taking?”
“The one that leads in the forest, you know, along the river.” I replied.
“Great!” she said happily.
“OK Crane, let’s go!” Kiri said the her unicorn, and we followed her up the path.
The sunset lit the forest like a lantern, casting long shadows onto the path. Everything was so quiet, except for the river and our rides’ hooves on the fallen leaves.
Soon the sun had fully set, and the moon brightly shone. We could easily see – it was a full moon. Suddenly, we heard a howl. “That better not be a werewolf,” said Alla.
“It’s a full moon, there’s a good chance it is.” Kiri replied. “We should find somewhere to sleep. Did anyone bring a tent?”
“No, sorry.” Alla and I said together.
“Damn.” Said Kiri. “Hold on, there’s a cave! Let’s go!” We galloped our rides to the cave Kiri pointed at. It was big. Alla demounted first and was about to tie her unicorn, Dash, up to a small tree when Kiri interrupted her.
“You can’t leave her out! We have to take everyone inside, werewolves are deadly, even for unicorns.” She said. So we demounted as well and led everyone inside. Kora hopped off and I took her basket and my rug from Eva’s back. Then I removed her reins.
Alla got her sack she had tied to her wolf’s basket and pulled our three little pillows. “Use those for bed later, I figured somehow neither of you would bring your own.” I giggled.
“I’ll get firewood.” Said Kiri, and she left the cave.
“I brought snacks.” Said Alla. She pulled some slices of cake our from her pouch around her shoulder. Oooh, goody. Her mother makes the best cakes, made from the sweet acro bush. I popped it into my mouth. It’s lovely. Eva snorted in the corner. Oops. She hasn’t eaten.
“Is there any chance you brought snacks for those three?” I said, nodding towards the corner.
“Oh, yes.” Replied Alla. “I have these leaves that my mother found. They make you really full, even if you have just one. They will need about three.” She pulled out nine leaves about the size of my palm. She handed them to me and I went over to Eva. I held out a leaf. Eva snorted at it.
“Excuse me, madam, you will eat.” And I shoved all three into her mouth. Then I went over the Crane and did the same, and Dash ate them nicely. She obviously got fed them a lot. I went back over to Alla and sat down. After a minute, Kiri walked in, with an armload of sticks and bark. She put them in a pile and put some large rocks in a circle around them.
“Anyone got flint stones?” she said, standing up.
“I do.” I said, and pulled them from my pouch. I handed them to Kiri and she started to hit them together. Kora came over and curled up in my lap. I stroked her fluffy back. Alla’s wolf did the same on her lap.
“What are we going to sleep on?” Kiri asked, still hitting the stones together, sending sparks flying everywhere.
“We’ll get some of those huge fluffy leaves, I saw some growing outside.” replied Alla. “Actually, I’ll go and pick some now.” And she got up and left the cave. Kiri hit the stones and few more times, and suddenly sparks flew out and lit the sticks up. She handed them back to me and I put them back in my pouch.
I took off my cloak and put it beside me. Kiri and I warmed our hands in the firelight. Kiri took her cloak off her shoulders as well, putting it behind her. Her little arctic fox came along and curled up on it. A few minutes later, Alla ran in, the big fluffy leaves in her arms. She dumped them on the ground.
“Alla?” said Kiri. “What’s wrong?”
“Just come outside! There’s something you need to see!”
“See?” I asked.
“Well, do something about. Just come on! Grab a torch.” I picked up a stick that missed the fire and lit the end. Alla led us out. We walked up the path a bit, then Alla stopped and parted some leaves on a large bush. “Look.”
We peered inside and there in a little nest of leaves were three tiny kittens with wings. Sytalas.
“What do you suppose we do? They’re Sytala kittens. Their mother will come.” Said Kiri.
“No, she won’t. Look over here.” Alla went around the bush and bent down. We did too. In the leaves was a grown Sytala. She was dead. Blood was all through her fur around her neck, and in the dirt about a metre away were large wolf footprints.
“She must have been the mother,” said Kiri. We all stood up. “We’ll have to take the kittens with us.”
“Yes, I’m sure Kora would be thrilled.” I said sarcastically. Kiri snorted. We went around the bush and looked at the kittens. They were so tiny, their eyes were hardly open, and they had no mother. I reached in a picked up a kitten. I held her tightly to my chest, and she mewed softly. Kiri and Alla did the same.
“Poor little things. Lets go.” Said Alla. We walked back to the cave and sat down by the fire, each with a kitten in our hands. It was warm in the cave with the fire going. Kora came over to me and tried to lick my hand, when she saw a black fuzzy thing in it. She started to growl.
“Kora,” I warned. She sniffed and went to lie down on my cloak.
“I’m tired.” Said Kiri.
“Me too.” Replied Alla. They got their fluffy leaves and put them near the fire. I got up, took my stuff from my pouch, put my kitten into it with the flap open and got my leaf too, placing it around the fire as well. I picked up my pillow and put it at the end of it. Then I took off my pouch and carefully placed it next to my bed, and grabbed my cloak from underneath Kora. I put it on my bed.
I walked over to where Eva was asleep and grabbed Kora’s riding basket, bringing it over to the bed and putting it at the end. Kora ran over and jumped in, curled up and fell asleep. I lay down too, and watched Kiri trying to catch her arctic fox, Pippa, who obviously thought they were playing a game. When she caught her, she walked over to her bed and lay down, pulled her cloak over herself and put Pippa on the end of her bed. Alla was already in bed.
“Will we do anything tomorrow?” whispered Alla. “Like explore, before we go home?”
“Great!” said Kiri. “I’d love to! Which way should we go?”
“I think we should go the way we were going tonight,” I replied. “We don’t know what’s there.”
“Yeah, we could go up that slope near where we just found the kittens.” Said Kiri. She was putting her black hair up in a bun. “Alla?”
“OK. But we should probably be home in time for tea. Our mothers wouldn’t be happy if we were late.” Replied Alla.
“Yeah, ‘If you’re not home for tea, I shall ban you from the leaving the house’.” said Kiri, mocking her mother. We all giggled. Then we settled down into bed to sleep.



I woke up to the sound of barking. I looked around, and saw Alla’s wolf, Avian, whining and yelping in fright. He noticed me awake, and ran to me. He snuggled up to me, his little fuzzy tail between his legs. “What’s wrong Avian?” I said, cuddling him. I got out of bed and went to the entrance of the cave.
I looked around, and at first I couldn’t see anything. The sun wasn’t quite up, but it was light. And just there, opposite the path on the hillside, was a small pack of about five wolves. Avian was about to bark at them, but I grabbed his mouth, picked him up and brought him back in. After I set him down next to my bed, I went over to Alla’s bed and shook her.
“Don’t hurt the fuzzy…..” said Alla, opening her eyes. “Nesha? What….. oh.” And she said up.
“There are five wolves on the hill, we need to move! I’ll wake Kiri.” Leaving Alla to figure out what I just said, I went and shook Kiri.
“You’ve got me…… I am a spy…… oh, hi Nesha!” she said dreamily. “Why’d you wake me?”
“There are wolves on the hill, we need to leave quickly. Pack up!” I said hurriedly. Kiri looked at me in horror. I rushed to my bed, grabbed my pillow and chucked it on Kora. She woke up quickly and jumped off. I took her bed and picked up my pouch. As I ran to Eva, I heard a squeaking noise coming from the pouch. I stopped and looked inside. Oh. The kitten.
“Where will I put the kitten?” I asked Alla, who was picking up Avian.
“Er, let it stay in your pouch!” she replied.
“I can’t! My knife and stuff will go in there!”
“Tuck your knife into the rope around you waist!” said Alla. I turned around and picked up my knife. I tucked it into the rope around my waist that holds my tunic tight. There. Then I took out the kitten, put the rest of the stuff back in and placed her back inside.
I ran over to Eva, strapped on the basket, threw on my rug, then put my cloak around my shoulders. Then I grabbed Eva’s reins and put them in her mouth. She nickered. I looked behind me and saw Kiri running to Crane with all her stuff. Alla was just picking her stuff up. “Come on guys!” I said.
Kiri strapped on her basket, and Alla ran over, sack on her back, basket in her arms and pouch around her shoulders. Her cloak was on her head. I went over to help. I took the basket and strapped it to Dash and put the rug on his back. Alla tied the sack to the basket, then put her cloak on properly.
“Kora!” I said, and a little black fuzzy rocket ran over. I picked her up, put her in her basket and led Eva away from the corner. Kiri grabbed Pippa and chucked her on, and then Avian, who was shivering like a leaf. We all mounted our rides, then one at a time, Kiri, me and Alla, we quietly left the cave. We thought we’d go home, we weren’t staying here any more, not with wolves anyhow.
As we were just getting past the hill and on our way, a giant wolf leapt onto the path. Kiri screamed, and Crane reared up, throwing his head around. Pippa fell off, and Crane turned and galloped past us. Three wolves started to pursue them.
“Pippa!” I screamed, as two wolves crept towards her. Eva threw her ears back and stamped her foot, as her rear end lowered and she threw her head. I had to save Pippa.
I leapt off Eva’s back and ran to her, scooping her up. I started back to Eva when the wolves attacked. “Run!” I said to Alla and Dash, and they galloped away. I got to Eva, chucked Pippa in with Kora, then quickly mounted. I grabbed the reins and pulled Eva’s head around, and she started to gallop.
Faster and faster, hooves pounding on the forest floor. I looked behind and saw the wolves chasing us, catching up very quickly.Their yellow eyes seemed to shine out in the dark. It was scary. One of them launched forward, trying to snap Eva’s leg. He was quite far off, but Eva kicked out and went even faster.
I crouched lower, and her mane blew in my face. Kora and Pippa had their ears back, and were just peeking out of the basket. I looked behind again, and noticed that the wolves were even closer. Too close. They were going to catch us.
I felt Eva starting to breath heavier, and she was panting hard. And these wolves did not look like they were giving up.
Where were the others? I looked around, trees surrounded the path. They had to be up ahead.
Suddenly, I saw them. 3 wolves, obviously chasing Kiri. I looked to the side, and there was Alla, galloping along. “Alla!” I screamed. She looked behind. When she saw me, Dash slowed down. I caught up, then we started to gallop again.
“Where’s Kiri?” I yelled across.
“She’s still ahead. Crane is just too fast for those wolves, we’re waiting to exhaust them.” Alla cried back.
“Well we’ve got our own problem!” We both looked behind. Alla squealed.
“Go Dash, GO!” she urged her unicorn. Avian was sitting in his basket, whining as though he was crying. He obviously wasn’t enjoying this. We bolted over to Kiri, who was on Crane screeching. Being chased by three wolves obviously isn’t fun.
I looked around for an escape, and saw that we were coming to a clearing. As we neared it I saw something else. At the edge was a huge cliff drop-off. Not good.
“Alla!” I cried. “Huge cliff up ahead!”
“Great!” said Alla. “Just what we need! Kiri! Over here!” Kiri looked up.
“We need to turn! Lose the wolves!” I yelled. She nodded, then looked back ahead. She was heading for the cliff. What was she doing? Alla screamed.
Kiri kept going, going, then when she got to the edge, we thought she’d go, She turned Crane hard around. The wolves following fell straight off. We heard horrible yelps.
The wolves chasing us deserted us, and ran to the cliff edge. Kiri headed for us, and Alla and I turned onto another path, Kiri following. When we had gone down a bit, we all stopped. Hooves skidded on the ground. Pippa and Kora popped out of the basket, ears alert.
A howl echoed throughout the forest, long and sad. Angry too. “Oh my.” Whispered Kiri.

[Lunaestrella]

Your story is so cool! Moar!

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When I've finished another page, I will post you 'moar'

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More added! Start reading again from 'They were catching up very quickly'.