ೃ⁀➷ 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕓𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕕𝕒𝕪

[pearljam]

be careful what you wish for

you just might get it.

[pearljam]

the world will continue to turn

no matter what happens

[pearljam]

this time last month i was wondering how it was all going to turn out

i wish i could go back & tell myself it was going to be alright

she didn't need to stress out so much

[pearljam]

my childhood is never coming back.

[pearljam]

i had a bad dream last night, but this time i don't have you to call out to when i'm scared
to reassure me the spider with pink socks won't hurt me, or come back
i don't have the comfort of knowing you're there if i wake up in the middle of the night
no matter how frustrating it would've been hearing me call out to you
i wish i could go back in time, ten years ago today
not ten years ago tomorrow, or ten years ago yesterday
before i knew what i know now
when my pure mind didn't know he was going to leave
i didn't even know it was possible
when all i cared about was playing animal jam after school
my favourite band was one direction
and the roleplays i would make with my littlest pet shops were alive as ever

this time the bad dream was about you

[pearljam]

you were always the most stable part of my life
why did you have to lie to me?
why do you have to be.. yourself?

[pearljam]

if a cat meant so much to me
and still means so much to me still
what would i be if something like that were to happen to you?

he was buried almost two and a half years ago now
and i haven't been the same person since
i don't think i've loved anyone, anything like the way i did back then
because of how much your death hurt me
i changed without really meaning to as i realised how much something could mean to me
and you weren't even a person
you were a cat

words cannot describe how i felt when the wound was fresh
even now i can't think about you too much without a waterfall of tears

i have yet to experience the loss of a person close to me
not because i haven't lost in my life
i have
very much so
but because i haven't been close to many
please stay for a while

[pearljam]

it's hard to think you were once a bear on a shelf on the other side of the world
my dead grandfather probably held you
or may of even picked you out
you're a dancer, and a good one at that
also there for support when dreams were scary
& school was nerve-wracking
i wonder what that trip was like, stuck in a cardboard box for a few months
your girl was worried sick about you
you were once in her crib, now you're in her university dorm
proud of her achievements & you know she can achieve her goals
you know she is loved
and so are you

you've travelled more than most, pink teddy
and you mean so much to one particular girl

[pearljam]

AND IM NOT HAPPY AND IM NOT SAD.

[pearljam]

thinking about you today
i will live for you
i wake up every day knowing that you couldn’t
whether that’s your own choice or in the hands of someone you were meant to love the most
whenever i read more information about your case it devastates me even more
i realise you could’ve easily been me
maybe not the same situation
but i could’ve been the one in the casket
i looked up to you and i still do
every day goes by and i get closer to the age you were when you died
some people will never understand how hard it is to leave
or stand up for yourself when the ones your fighting for survival against are your own parents
and i’m envious of them
they will never understand the torment
and i’m lucky to never of understood yours
and i’m sorry
i hope you’re resting well
i hope you see how beautiful life can be in your next life
because out of everyone on the planet i can say without a doubt you deserve it the most
you deserve to see life through positive lenses
appreciating every sunrise and sunset
without living in fear of your own safety
because that’s the bare minimum my love
words cannot describe how much i miss hearing your voice
we had no idea what you were going through
and i’m proud of you for speaking up
we all are
i understand why you were silent
and things that occurred will not be forgotten