↪ 【 journal/random writings 】

[✦ nemuri]

looking back at all those posts on this thread has me shooketh. i wish i could go back in time and strangle 2017 + 2018 kae LMAOO WHY WAS I ,,, SO DUMB BACK THEN
tho tbf im still v dumb

im not sure if im doing better than i was before, but one thing's for sure: i've stopped relying on this journal as much as i did in the past. that's? good? i guess? but on the flip side that means i've been keeping things pent up inside way mre kfjkJKGJHH

[✦ nemuri]

"whatever you left behind became my everything."
"can't say goodbye, i'm still drifting with your echoes."
"spring, summer, autumn, winter, 365 days, you remain in all of them."
"dig them out, take away these memories."
"the voice that wouldn't reach makes me suffer again."
"even if i meet you in my dreams, it's meaningless, you're not here."
"i see it again and again, the image of you from that day."
"i want to see you all the time, i've killed my heart so i wouldn't notice."
"so many things you've left behind, now and forever."
"my wish from that regretful night, i lock it deep within."
"dive in deep, i'll protect you sleeping here."

the given op hurts. mafuyu is just. rlly broken huh. i dont even want to think about the ed. it's so tragically beautiful in its piano rendition in the first episode, imo.

tbh im liking given a lot more than i expected? it's not like .. straight shounen ai. it leans heavily into the music aspect of the anime/manga, but it also does a lot in terms of rishika/mafuyu's relationship. and whatever the hell is up with haruki/akihiko/ugetsu, i guess. the osts slaps hard though! im not too surprised about that, however, considering this is based around a band. i really appreciate the music in there. as well as...? how rishika and mafuyu's relationship develops. there's a bit to unpack. but i just really feel sorry for mafuyu.

poor dude.

that being said, i've always been meaning to go and watch shigatsu wa kimi no uso ,, i've read the manga and although i don't really care about the characters too much, i play the piano too (although i'm nowhere as prodigious as any of the other characters, hah) and i kind of felt and related to kousei a little in terms of..? stagnating? being unable to play? feeling fear and hatred for the skill you've worked so hard to cultivate?

luckily for kousei, however, kaori helps him rediscover that spark. i've yet to do that yet, it appears. life isn't a fairy tale, nor is it an anime. isn't this just a dog-eat-dog sort of world? if you're not going to pull yourself along, no one is going to help you out. taking the first step is always the hardest, though ... even in fiction, this remains a constant, which i'm thankful for. it's a reminder of sorts, i feel.

i don't want to talk about this anymore.

i wish i was happy with myself.

[✦ nemuri]

sin


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[size=100][ [color=#c9ada3][b]username:[/b][/color] ralsei ]
[ [color=#c9ada3][b]name:[/b][/color] mel ]
[ [color=#c9ada3][b]partners:[/b][/color] [url=https://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?p=126520770#p126520770][color=#000000]roheil[/color][/url] + [url=https://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=4146115&p=126520884#p126520884][color=#000000]luwoo[/color][/url] + [url=https://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=4146133&p=126505918#p126505918][color=#000000].kaede[/color][/url] ]




[ [color=#c9ada3][b]contribution:[/b][/color] ]


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vero


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[size=100][ [color=#ffbfbf][b]username:[/b][/color] luwoo ]
[ [color=#ffbfbf][b]name:[/b][/color] faelynn ]
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[ [color=#ffbfbf][b]contribution:[/b][/color] ]

did you hear the story about the cow who jumped over the moon? it was [color=#ff8080][b][i]ledgendairy[/i][/b][/color] !

come on, why aren’t you laughing? are you [color=#ff8080][b][i]laughtose intolerant[/i][/b][/color] ?

well whatever, i’m gonna [color=#ff8080][b][i]milk[/i][/b][/color] it for all its worth!
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[size=100][ [color=#bfbfbf][b]username:[/b][/color] roheil ]
[ [color=#bfbfbf][b]name:[/b][/color] aeryn ]
[ [color=#bfbfbf][b]partners:[/b][/color] [url=https://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=4146115&p=126520884#p126520884][color=#000000]luwoo[/color][/url] + [url=https://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=4146117&start=10#p126520671][color=#000000]ralsei[/color][/url] + [url=https://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=53&t=4146133&p=126505918#p126505918][color=#000000].kaede[/color][/url] ]




[ [color=#bfbfbf][b]contribution:[/b][/color] ]

[url=https://youtu.be/N8nGig78lNs][color=#000000]hot milk[/color][/url] - snail's house
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[✦ nemuri]

我真的应该多练中文。语法好困难啊。生词好多好多
如果谁有读的懂的话，请跟我聊天！我中文不太好，请帮我一下哈哈哈。我就不想在复习心理学了！要写太多笔记了！真的有点太过分了！才第一个星期呢！

我写中文的时有点像我写英文的时。我写的像我在说话一样（笑）

[✦ nemuri]

69 WAYS TO BECOME A BIRD !! FOLLOW THESE EASY STEPS TO BECOME A BIRD IN EVERY ASPECT EXCEPT PHYSICAL !!! (NOT CLICKBAIT !!!!) (100% TRUE !!!!!!!)

Stars aren’t found in the corner.
Neither are dandelions or birds
In flight; you can’t expect a mourner
To step out of the comfort of their confines,
To properly express thoughts with words.

The seeds fly far, far, far;
Some enter the locked room, too.
A semblance of light in a night as dark as tar -
Though you can scream and shout,
Heart demons continue to pursue.

A single feather, a bird flying
Away, into the darkening twilight.
Is it already time? You’re crying -
Softly, yes, but do remember
That stars can be found in the night.

It’s a journey, as nature makes its way
‘Round and ‘round, but still you cannot
Ever attempt to fathom, and you say -
“I’ll be safe in this cage, it’s my home.”
Safe you may be, but now you’re caught.

It’s time to leave your room, you think.
It’s a big world out there, and it’s time to chase
The birds, the seeds, the stars; you blink -
It starts with words and ink, you believe,
And when you leave, you leave without a trace.

[✦ nemuri]

- i’m a doctor - one that specializes in vampires !
- no matter what you people want, i’ll save you all without fail !
- you gave yourself something to protect. that’s why you’re weak.
- and so, that will be my revenge on vanitas !
- this ... is salvation? i don’t understand, what is “salvation”...?
- i have ... absolutely no interest in the sort of person who would fall for me.
- being freed from the curse may not necessarily bring happiness.

i’ll collect more quotes after my face stops bleeding ig

[✦ nemuri]

time to redo the calculations otl
is it easy to tell that i really dont care about this site anymore? lol

1 08 vr - 55 c$
2 09 vr (early + late) - 80 c$
2 16 store pets - 70 c$
1 19 store pet - 20 c$
1 08 r - 55 c$
12 09 r (early + late) - 460 c$
38 10 r (early + mid + late) - 915 c$
5 11 r - 80 c$
3 12 r - 36 c$
5 13 r - 50 c$
19 14 r - 152 c$
57 15 r - 342 c$
31 16 r - 124 c$
18 17 r - 54 c$
16 18 r - 32 c$
9 19 r - 9 c$

total: 2524 c$

375 x 6 = 2250

2524 - 2250 = 274
375 - 274 = 101
1525 - 101 = 1424
for 1 more uc edit

7 uc edits
1 uc edit = 2 c edits + 1 s edit

1 unlim uc myo = 500 c$


to-buy list:
- uc edit for cyrene ( pupils ) ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit for cyrene ( ears ) ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit for myo ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit for myo ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit ( 375 c$ )
- c edit ( 125 c$ )
- c edit ( 125 c$ )
- s edit ( 25 c$ )

[✦ nemuri]

i realized i never really had an issue for oversharing until i met this one classmate. good god please stop going on random tangents about the wrestling team and police and how you have to remember x terms for your german class while the teacher is trying to teach please ,, , , im also just not Very Interested in those topics (though i will converse with you, sure) and you shooting off at five million words a second makes me really not want to acknowledge you anymore.

maybe i’m an ass for thinking like this, but at this point i really don’t have the energy to give other people information about myself and my life nor the energy to hear it from anyone. it always happens during the rare times i actually want to talk, too, so that’s a little frustrating. thanks for cutting me off for the fifth time in a row. i’ve tried to assert dominance by resteering the conversation back and/or continuing to talk but both feel so awful and inconsiderate to do and if anything, it makes me even more upset.

am i self centered for thinking like this? are they self centered for always directing the conversation back to them, them, and them? i don’t know anymore. maybe we’re both in the wrong.

a certain amount of shyness aside, i feel like i’m a different person online to an extent, so if at any point i become too annoying or too clingy or overshare, please tell me. i’ve . . . always been bad at gauging how i am, and i do need other people to keep me in track sometimes. id rather be told off than be a hypocrite.

[✦ nemuri]

自己想的一些东西。我不要你读，也不想你翻译我写的这个东西。其实，如果你读了，我也没有办法不让你忘记我写的东西。
你干什么都行。如果你读了那么多，那别跟我说我这里写的东西。我现在真的不想讨论我自己的心情。



如果在一百个人当中有一百万个人恨你，你会怎么办？
而且，如果我说在这个世界里只有我会爱你，你会怎么想？

这个感觉是什么？我是不是在淹死？
如果我在，那我想在水里沉得更快。

如果我说我想走，你会跟着我吗？
我还问这个问题干什么？你当然不会。

给我一点时间。让我休息一下。
等我没有这些想死的感觉再跟我说话。

对不起
我爱你
谢谢。

我写这个是要给谁啊？我不记得了。
在这个世界里，总是会有一天我会忘记全部的事情。

救命

[✦ nemuri]

time to redo the calculations otl
is it easy to tell that i really dont care about this site anymore? lol

1 08 vr - 55 c$
2 09 vr (early + late) - 80 c$
2 16 store pets - 70 c$
1 19 store pet - 20 c$
1 08 r - 55 c$
10 09 r (early + late) - 400 c$
37 10 r (early + mid + late) - 925 c$
3 11 r - 48 c$
3 12 r - 36 c$
6 13 r - 60 c$
20 14 r - 160 c$
59 15 r - 354 c$
32 16 r - 128 c$
17 17 r - 51 c$
17 18 r - 34 c$
9 19 r - 9 c$

total: 2433 c$

375 x 6 = 2250

2433 - 2250 = 183
375 - 183 = 192
1485 - 192 = 1293
for 1 more uc edit

7 uc edits
1 uc edit = 2 c edits + 1 s edit

1 unlim uc myo = 500 c$


to-buy list:
- uc edit for cyrene ( pupils ) ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit for cyrene ( ears ) ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit for myo ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit for myo ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit ( 375 c$ )
- uc edit ( 375 c$ )
- c edit ( 125 c$ )
- c edit ( 125 c$ )
- s edit ( 25 c$ )