Dead Hope - An Original by Teacup

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Dead Hope - An Original by Teacup

Postby Teacup-old » Fri Nov 05, 2010 10:15 am

Dead Hope

Chapter One

I began to stuff Jamie’s almost-famous egg-salad sandwiches into my woven picnic basket. “I’m going out,” I exclaimed, a grin splashed across my face. I haven’t been the same after my mother’s death. I swung the basket onto my arm and lightly stomped over to the 100% clean sliding glass door. I was mad… not at just anyone, though. I was mad at my father, for always being at work, for having a greater attention span for work rather than myself. I clutched the handle and slid it open. Stepping outside, the feeling of being watched crept upon me. Ignoring it, I pressed on down the steps of the patio.

Trees began to rustle with every step I took on the dirt path eventually leading up to the road. I have always hated taking the forest trail because it brought back memories, memories of my mother taking me into the woods while I was little, though I had come up with a way to push it all out of my head, blocking it out completely. I continued down the dirt path, my grin gone, its place taken by a five-year-old’s pout. My feet kicked up dirt into the air, creating a thick cloud of dust. Thoughts ran through my head. I imagined me and Father out on top of Wolf Lake in our bright, bee-yellow canoe, Talon, Rachael’s female German Shepherd, swimming just behind us, like we used to do every summer. But ever since my mother’s death Father’s new haven is work. Now, this summer was going to be dull, having Rachael’s son, Dajuan, to play with.

At least I had already planned my walk. First, I figured, I’d visit Kate and her Pit Bulls New Moon and Twilight. Next I would visit Old Man Jones with his senior citizen Labrador, Luke, just down the road. Since Rachael is a bit farther away from Old Man Jones then Kate is, I thought I’d walk half way and then stop to eat lunch, finishing off the sandwiches. Next I’d visit Rachael, Dajuan, and Talon, finishing off the time to visit humans. The fact is I had a few stray friends across Wolf Lake. I had always stopped to say hi and drop a few snacks for the poor dogs. Finishing off visiting, for good, I would finish the circle around the lake and walk back home, the basket empty on my arm.

I felt a smile creeping up on my face. I could see New Moon and Twilight’s little kennel faintly. Finally I had reached the first stop of my trip. I sped up, now running towards the dogs. I could hear the barks of the two and see their tails wagging wildly. My hair flew behind me, like I’ve always loved. I kept running until I reached the kennel. I knelt down, my long wavy brown hair still back behind my shoulders from running. Sticking two fingers through the fence, I felt the dogs’ wet noses first, then the wetness of their soft, smooth, pink tongues. Now I was in trouble, a full on smile had taken over. My brown eyes were fixed upon New Moon’s shiny black coat, a white break through on her small chest. New Moon’s ears were laid back, her tail shaking her whole body as it wagged. I then glanced at Twilight. Twilight had always been the man of his kennel. His ghostly grey fur was so dull it looked like a white pillow, but I could tell it was grey. His ears had been cropped to make him appear scarier so less people would come to Kate’s on Halloween. Twilight was just a lover’s boy, though.

Something caught my eye through the two dogs’ bodies. It was Kate. I stood and waved. “Hey, Kate! Just visiting Moon and Twilight,” I said. I had officially nick named New Moon, well, Moon. Stepping over so Kate could see me better; I set down the basket and ran over to Kate to greet her.

“What’s up girly?” Kate questioned me. Her jean jacket, that only covered half of her abdomen, was all I ever saw anymore. Kate’s short black hair was only shoulder length compared to mine. Her blue eyes were always so kind and her slim body made her very ‘attractive’, as my dad would say.

“Nothing, how about you?” I asked, wrapping my arms around her and hugging her. I stepped back after a few moments, the smile still on my face. I couldn’t help it, seeing Kate all dressed put made me happy. Maybe dad was right about Kate being ‘attractive’.

“Nothing, isn’t Jamie supposed to be watching you, anyway? She is your care-taker, right?” Kate asked, putting her hands on her hips, a smile still on her face. She used sarcastic voice for her questions. She knew Jamie always gave the kids she watched space, in fact she knew all too well Jamie did that. She used to ask Jamie to sit Moon and Twilight when she went out with friends.

“Yes, she has been for years. Well, I have to go. I’m on a time limit. Bye Kate, see you tomorrow around noon.” I said, turning to say good bye to the dogs. I needed to make my way over to Old Man Jones’ house to see Luke. I picked up my basket a turned back to Kate for a second, waving to her.

“Okay, good bye Stephanie.” she said, waving back to me. She then turned around and walked back into her house to watch some television.

I began to walk towards my basket, stretching my arm down to pick it up.Half way to Old Man Jones' house, I stopped, looking down into Ghost Trail. It had always been covered in shadows and mist, but I could see something. Kneeling down, I squinted my eyes. A shepherd-size dog stood, his black coat splattered with tan up his legs, around his neck, on his underbelly, and back feet up to his ankels. His ears erect as his eyes were set on me. He gave off a vibe that wanted you to go hug him, but I had a fear of Ghost Trail. Only the dog's chocolatey eyes could convince me to even step on the trail, which I did. It turned out to be a mistake, though. He swirled around, running away. His shepherd walk was obvious. At that point, I only wished he was in the pack of stray dogs I was to visit.
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Re: Dead Hope - An Original by Teacup

Postby Teacup-old » Fri Nov 05, 2010 12:24 pm

Wokring on the second chapter now. Please post so I can improve if you like this. Thanks!
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The girl you just called fat...she's overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly... she spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped... he is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars... he fought for his country. That guy you just made fun of for crying... his mother is dying. Put this as your status if your against bullying.
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Re: Dead Hope - An Original by Teacup

Postby Gene » Fri Nov 05, 2010 1:57 pm

I like it.
Good introduction. I already know how both those characters act. =) That's good. Over time, it gets people attached to the characters, which makes them more into the story. :P
Maybe (Just a suggestion. Not really necessary.), if you want to develop them even more, give reasons as to why Jamie is so...What's the word? Oh, I dunno. Carefree. Why the two characters know she gives the kids she's watching. Convince someone that doesn't believe you - give proof. Tell some other events that explain it. Here's an example in case you didn't understand me (I could hardly understand me. :P):

Instead of saying: "Mr. Brown resented his wife - she didn't treat him well."
Say: "Mr. Brown resented his wife. Once, at a Christmas party, she dropped a cake on his head. For a while, everyone thought she had had a sip too much of wine, but it turned out that she was perfectly sober at the time."

Lol, what a nice example. XD
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Re: Dead Hope - An Original by Teacup

Postby incadence. » Fri Nov 05, 2010 2:14 pm

Very descriptive, I'm not a good writer myself so can' say anything other than great!
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Re: Dead Hope - An Original by Teacup

Postby Teacup-old » Fri Nov 05, 2010 2:49 pm

    Thanks, both of you.

    18-18: I'll keep that in mind... Thanks for the advice!

    Amandiy: Thank you alot...
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The girl you just called fat...she's overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly... she spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped... he is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars... he fought for his country. That guy you just made fun of for crying... his mother is dying. Put this as your status if your against bullying.
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Re: Dead Hope - An Original by Teacup

Postby Gene » Sat Nov 06, 2010 9:24 am

Sure.

I'm not great at getting advice, so...:P
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