. // THE INSOMNIAC'S CALENDAR. )

[sinensys]

i hope that one day
it will not just be
me
commandeering this
heavy, heavy ship
and all its
unwieldy accessories

[sinensys]

already i have imagined
an entire lifetime between us,
soft and bitter and warm
and full of a fond and perpetual yearning
for that which is already possessed.
except now i've come to a
startling and entirely foreseeable realization:
you do not exist.

[sinensys]

the pearlescent gleam of
the desire to change something (anything)
is blinding ---
peering through my fingers
i can tell i have this
new obsession with the
thought of change,
but i cannot see enough
to determine what i want
to change.
the shimmering is
too overwhelming,
too daunting
to fully occlude or
to fully observe,
the bewitching beauty haunting.
i am enamored by it
and cannot look away,
even as i am disoriented by it.

(the twitching in my thoughts
is a strange sensation
after weeks of leaden weight.)

[sinensys]

umbral tilt down,
the lunar menagerie fades
--- i depart from the docks
towards ataraxy.

[sinensys]

how easy it is
to think i have seen you,
only to discover that we
may continue to be parallel,
our paths never intersecting
--- and for a long time, too.

[sinensys]

i think i have bled for you,
but all you have done is
turn away, caught in that
aluminum-tinted glass.
won't you give me the dignity
of staring into the eyes
of the one who i let down
the most?

(i promise you this
will be worth our time.)

[sinensys]

i yield to you, old friend,
but i beg of you to concede ---
your blades have no business
resting within my skull,
as kitchen knives do
in a slotted wooden block.
already i have spent nearly
two years in a graceful duel,
where you best me nearly
every time.
i am only ever able
to hold my own in combat,
else i must resort
to expensive tricks to gain
at least some semblance
of an upper hand.
i lose every time, eventually,
yet you never give me
the opportunity to learn,
far too busy winning.

[sinensys]

fear is like ghosts;
the spectral menagerie
dissipates and taunts
and dissipates and taunts
from different sides,
omnidirectional
yet fractured, in waves.
you never know when
it strikes you;
you always know when
it strikes you.