username: d0nnie
kalon name: Genevieve
gender: female
why so gloomy?
23rd of August, 10:04 AM. Summer's ending; it's cold and windy. I'm alone.
I took a deep breath; it was all I felt I could do. I sat there on the beach,
in my environment, in my habitat, in the place where I was supposed to
feel the most at home.
I felt nothing.
When asked my favourite song, I answer simply. 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now'.
"Why is that your favourite song, Genevieve?"
"I don't know. I just think it's nice. It calms me down to know that others feel
the way that I feel."
"Oh, that's too bad."
When I was thirteen years old, I had everything I ever wanted. I had happiness
and prosperity. I had family. I had friends who cared about me more than I cared
about myself. I don't know what happened to that. I'm lost. My past feels like a
dream that slips into the back of my mind just to taunt me. It's been a year,
an entire year, yet I still cannot fathom what has happened. I still can't think
of him without feeling like none of this has been real. I feel as if my life ended
alongside his, yet here I am, still subjected to the endless tortures of continuing
without him. I can't say it enough. I'm alone, I'm alone, I'm alone.
23rd of August, 7:16 PM. It's too hot inside this house.
I couldn't eat. I couldn't touch my food at all.
She made his favourite meal.
I saw his face in the back of my spoon. I looked up towards the mirror and I didn't
see myself. I saw him. I saw his innocence and his beauty. I saw his joy. I saw
everything that ever was of him, and everything that he could've been. I resent
my mother; how could she do this? How could she make his favourite meal, on
the day that he died, and force me to eat it? She knows how I feel. Everyone
knows how I feel.
My hands started to tremble and I dropped the spoon into the bowl. The soup
splattered onto my face and I felt like I could cry. That was him, I thought,
that was him trying to touch me. He was reaching out to me. I could feel it.
I know what I felt.
"It's just a bowl of soup, honey," Said my mother, full of hideous ignorance.
"Come on, sweetie, you have to eat. I'll make you something else if you want."
She wiped my cheek and I solemnly ventured into my bedroom.
24th of August, 12:03 AM. Reflection.
I've been sitting here for hours, and I haven't cried. I don't think I'll cry any more.
I'm looking up at the poster on my ceiling. Dead Poets Society. His favourite movie.
He always told me I was a poet, and I still don't believe him.
I can't help but feel like he's with me. It's funny how he's the one that's comforting
me now. I've been so selfish.
His day has passed, and I still don't know how I feel. It's only been a few minutes.
It's okay for me to miss him, I think to myself; he misses me too.
[541/600]