Chuck Norris Jokes!

[FlamethrowerTrombone]

Chuck Norris can read Lady Gaga's poker face

[FireFly665243]

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a brown snake. After a week of agonising pain, the snake finally died. LOL LOL

[m i l k t e e t h]

Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the heck down.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

[originals]

Chuck Norris doesn't get up with the sunrise-The sun rises when he gets up.

[MaineiacJay]

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

[Rylie101]

The best way to die is to take a bullet for Chuck Norris~This amuses Chuck because he is bullet proof.

[Ourpawprints]

there is no life on mars... because Chuck Norris was there first
The extinct species list is also Chuck Norris's enemy list

[Rylie101]

Chuck Norris Can Slam A Revolving Door

[Queen of Chaos]

Chuck Norris can beat the Undertaker's streak at Wrestlemania.

Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.

Chuck Norris can smell what the Rock is cooking, he can also taste, hear, see and touch it.

Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

[OctoberNights]

Only chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can go to burger king, ask for a big mac, and get one.