I am meeting up with my ex-best friend very soon. I wish I could die rather than see her.
She used to say things to me in elementary school like "I didn't copy you because I know you're touchy about it"
She used to complain about me all the time in tears like "WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS CONTRADICTING ME YOU MAKE ME FEEL HORRIBLE!!!"
To her:
Well guess what?! You made me feel horrible! I never ONCE complained about you, I loved you for who you were; you were bullying people by saying mean things about them behind their back or in their face! I was trying to help you because everyone hated you, can't you understand I wanted you to stop saying those things about people behind their back?
And what do I get? HATRED. HATRED. HATRED. You hated me because I got better scores in all my grades; I understand your pain, I have felt that plenty of times, like I'm nothing, but I have told you a million times you are an amazing writer! Far better than me! That you're literary skills are amazing! That you are a wonderful runner!
I have cheered you one when you failed a test because you didn't study, when you failed the mile-run tryouts, when you're grandma died, I was always there for you! I did my best! Yet when I am crying myself to sleep every day you go on hating me! What am I supposed to do? Pretend to be dumb and get F's? You want me to change for you? You never once felt happy for me! You only were angry I accomplished something!
If you felt so bad, why didn't you break up with me? Why did you instead come back to me, shouting, yelling in my face how horrible I was? I never once complained about you! I wanted you to be happy with me!
I ran away from school because of you! And yet when we met, you SMILED? You grinned at me? As if nothing happened?
I just can't let it go. I smiled back to her when she smiled to me but it hurts so bad.
I used to love her so much as a best friend, I wanted our relationship to get better, I tried so many website tactics like placating her, but nothing worked.
I don't love her anymore. I don't want her to be my friend.
I hate her.
That is what is really scaring me.
I just needed to write this out, really bad. I hid it from everyone but now it got so bad.
I want to know how to make us friends again. Anyone know what I should do?
