Azzy x Angel wrote:I got a favor to ask a few of you. I've been in the LDS church my whole life. Born into it, baptized into it when I was 8, ect. ect. But... I don't know anymore. There is no way I'll leave this church, I was grown into it, it's all I've ever known. But... I'm not sure though if it's is true. I know I want to believe. I very much want to. My very fiber wants to go into reading the scriptures and knowing without a doubt that they are true. I want to know that there is life after death, and that I can reach the Celestial Kingdom. But I can't tell if I really truly believe, or if I'm just saying I do. How can you tell? I mean, only I can be the judge of that, and I truly don't know. I truly want to know though. ;-; I've been trying to read the scriptures every night, and I need to work on praying to my Heavenly Father.
I know I've felt the spirit before. But only so few times, and far between. How can I know those were the spirit? It... It's hard. I barely remember any spirit moments. My mom and dad were married in the temple, but my dad fell short afterwards. He left the church and became angry at it. So our household isn't really a 'household of faith'. All my siblings are LDS, but my dad... It makes a big difference. Just that one family member in the house changes our household of faith. Once he turns on the T.V., we have to be careful and maybe sometimes leave the room. If he is angry, we keep our distance and cover our ears. That might be one of the causes of my disbelief, but there is no one to blame but myself on this.
I know I'm not alone, and I want to see if some of you can help me? Send me links to good talks by the Prophet maybe? Share experiences? Anything that you think would help, I would really really be grateful. Because... I want to believe.
... Thanks.
~ Angel
Well, I grew up in the church and never thought I would struggle with it. But I committed a sin or two and I lost faith. I went to church but I didn't listen. I went to seminary but I didn't try. I watched conference but I didn't want to hear. I basically told God I wasn't interested. But then the sins led me deeper and deeper until I was faced with something I KNEW with all my heart would be a terrible sin, and I treaded lightly. I avoided it but then it hoped on me and crushed me like a ton of bricks. Eventually I told a friend who begged me to go to my bishop. I did and I started the repentance process.
I'm trying to pull myself in the church. I want to feel the spirit because I remember it's comfort. Now I got to church and treat everything like I'm learning it all over again. I found things in the church I knew was true and I'm using them to being me to believe others. For example President Packer, he is my favorite and I trust him. I trust what he says is true and I believe what he says. And then I listen. I learn everything over again. And I find myself slowly (but surely) making my way to a what I think is a testomy. (sp) I have a small goal that I try to reach and once I reach it I find a new goal. I know that as long as you want to believe and are willing to try you can do it. :]
Might I suggest putting Conference on your iPod. You can get it off the church website once conference is over and you can listen to one talk when you have some time. Then you don't have to sit there for too long and you have them all the time. It really helped me. Best of luck to you.
Pic by Foxface-x3
