by miraphoenix » Tue Jul 31, 2012 1:51 am
Dear M______/one of my best friends,
You say that you've been annoyed with me for months now, for longer than I know. Well, actually, I know precisely how long you've been annoyed with me, and your annoyance started, by my count, when I promoted to blue advanced belt in karate back in January (or possibly even before that; I can remember annoyance since blue belt promotion).
You say that you're a veteran fighter. I laugh at you; I have been fighting for my life and for my right to speak since pretty much day one, up until a year ago. That's over a decade of fighting. I think I have the honest right to call you an amateur, when you look at things from my perspective.
You say that you think I don't care about you beyond your talents at drawing, and the books you loan me. Dear, if I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be trying to fix this. I would have abandoned you, destroyed everything you've ever given me, and then made your life a living hell. I sure as heck wouldn't be trying to fix this, and I wouldn't be softening my words so that they don't hurt you.
You say you don't feel comforted when you're having a crappy day. That I do acknowledge; I can't take care of anyone when they're hurting. I genuinely freeze up inside, and my mind shuts down; I can't even take care of myself when I'm having a bad day! I try to help you a lot more than I try to help myself, though, even if that doesn't show very well. Like most things with me, it's all a matter of perspective.
You say that you're putting more into this friendship than I am. Hello?! Have you been asleep for the past three months?! Who has been the one calling your house, trying to help? ME! Who's been the one emailing you, trying to fix things? ME! Who won't reply reliably to any form of communication, and gets weird and defensive if I ask questions? YOU! Yes, I know that I'm a hard person to tolerate. Yes, I know that I'm unpredictable, and kind of annoying most of the time, but that doesn't excuse you for pretty much ignoring me over the entire summer! Name one time where you've been the one to contact me of your own volition! Name ONE! Even though we carpool to karate, you don't even talk to me unless you're forcibly dragged into the conversation!
Again, look at things from my perspective: I am not, by nature, a very social person. I stick to the people I know, and I have a pretty good time. I'm also not a very patient person (this is changing; I'm now a lot more patient than I was before). Combine those two with a notoriously short temper; sounds like a recipe for disaster, yes? Well, that's me. You've forced me to be social even when I'm annoyed with you, you're straining my patience to the breaking point, and finally, just to add insult to injury, you keep saying things that trigger every single thing that usually sets me off into a blind rage. And guess what? I'm also hurting right now because I'm not taking that anger out on you, but on everyone around me; that everyone is usually my dad. And he doesn't tolerate my grumpiness. So guess who's getting burned on both sides here? That's right; me.
Get yourself together, girl. Find some perspective, before I beat it into your head.
Thanks,
-Weredrakka.