dear ......
i'm gonna pour my heart out here, not that you'd even care if you'd ever see this someday.
but yeah. here goes.
--
ever since our first class together, i knew you were different. you grew on me, and we became good friends. not best friends- but good friends was good enough for me. you were weird, yeah, freaky even. it scared some people, literally, but i liked your different attitude. no one else was a weird as you.
...except me.
i was young, but i knew we'd be good friends someday. and we were.
2012... fifth class together, yes? and we're going into our sixth class together? wow. i'm much older now, and realize that our 'friendship' meant a lot more to me. i couldn't think about love at that young age, but now... i'm all over you. you are my best friend in the world, and even though you call me worthless and useless and lazy, it doesn't affect me.
because i know you're kidding. if you realize it really hurt my feelings, you do nothing, but still. i know you're kidding. because that's what kind of guy you are. people say i should never talk to you again, but they don't get it- when you've known and loved someone for nearly 7 years, they grow on you. not just on you, they grow on your heart. it happens... it's someone you can't let go of.
you're that someone i can't ever let go of. people say you're a jerk, an ass, a total... something... but i don't care. they don't realize how hard it is to let go of someone you've loved for almost 7 years. they don't know how hard it is. i get you and your sarcasm, so i know it's all a joke.
but without my best friend around... i find it hard to talk to you. be myself around you.
but really? you've never loved me. i know that...
well, now you're dating her. i never saw that coming, actually- i NEVER thought you liked her. when i called her a liar, because she is, you agreed with me. i don't know if it's some sick joke, but she likes you. i know that, because you're dating my best friend. we gossip a lot, and we fangirl over you.
but here's a thing; break her heart. if it's all a joke, please break her heart.
she loved you a lot- yes. but she only loved you for your looks.
not only do i love you for your looks, i love you for the fact that i can be myself around you- but i just don't show it. i am never myself around you because you are critical... you judge people, yes, but that doesn't stop me from loving you. people are probably gonna say, 'oh that's rude! he should never break her heart, that's so mean!' i don't even care. because you don't know what i'm going through.
she lied about me, lied to me, is lying to and about him- my best friend and crush- and did multiple things to me. she slapped me, punched me, and have hurt me a lot worse before. seriously.
i hope she gets her heart broken. i really do. by you.
but here's where my reallll problem comes in with you.
well... i feel you're angry at me. for asking why you and her were dating. are you angry? i'd never have the guts to ask you even that question, because you don't know me as the real concerned girl i am. i want to know...
but i can't even ask you a simple question like that.
i feel bad.
i don't like the feeling of hate...
i don't like the feeling that you gave me...
do you hate me? i really hope not.
i don't have the guts to ask you that either. you don't know me of who i really am. you know the fake me.
but next year... that's gonna change. i'm gonna be myself around you.
i am sometimes badass, but other times i get really worried about you.
like when you don't reply to me on facebook for days?
i don't know if you hate me, are ignoring me, are angry at me, or have been killed in some sort of crash! i imagine all the scenarios, but i do keep myself under control.
i'm not wanting to know where you are every second of the day...
i want to know where you are SOMETIMES, why you aren't replying to me, and if you're angry with me.
i don't want to know every detail of your social life...
i just want some answers...
sincerely,
the girl you won't reply to