TheComfortCorner | V.10

[qtip]

why is it so repetitive? every single day is so repetitive, why cant something new just happen?? everyday its wake up, get ready, go to school, go to afterschool thing, then go home. nothing ever changes i want something new to happen

[slashstreet]

i wish people listened to me oml, my sister never listens to a single thing i ever have to say tbh and its so agitating
i also wish my partner and other friends had more time in their lives to hangout, i cannot wait for summer 🙏

[updog]

anxiety meds stopped working only taking them now to avoid throwing up and getting sick about it but GOD. anxiety off the rails lately could be because of my Horrible boss but honestly i really dont know because im freaking out over pretty much everything and its been sososo much worse. and i dont have my doctor to talk to about it because i need to switch doctors and aaauuuuuuggggghhhhh (sounds of me Blowing Up)(and NOT in the way you would think!)

[67Phlox]

i may have- haahaha ha ahah aha ha- ueh

kinda silly vent
delaying assigments till dinnerr... technically i have ideas for most of them, arleady sketched down for some of them, but im dreaaading staaarting... the actual creative phase...
perfectionism is.. well, I'm just mad at myself for hesitating so much

one of my things to do is to make two minizines in my style, but what is MY STYLE exactly?
Perhaps I need to relax and just. do it!
college is supposed to be about figuring things out before actually going to work, right????

[pisto pesto pasta]

toyhouse sucks. it was supposed to be a safe space for artists. but here i am getting harassed by randoms that just want to be correct-er than me. god i wish there were an alternative i could move to. grrrrrrrrr

[♥ mizu]

I'm at school rn. This girl is driving me NUTS. she got me in trouble because she didn't clean up.. and she's just such a freaking know it all. Like SHUT. UP.

[raezel]

phone call anxiety is so stupid man, how am i gonna be at my big age and have to cry between calling different places just because i hate making phone calls so bad. i got it done but at what cost 😭

[♥ mizu]

i am SICK OF THIS RESIDENCE MANAGER.
my friend got gated because she'd ordered food during a weekday which apparently now is a gateable offence? so now she can't sign out or go anyway or do anything for a week. i was going to hang out with her on the weekend. so i went to the manager's office to see what was up and she just told me to mind my own business and ask my friend about her being gated. she was like, "this isn't your business" so i told that it was, in fact, my business, when she's unable to come to our plans which we'd arranged prior. gating somebody over something as simple as ordering food is ridiculous. we used to do it all the time. and now it's banned..? what. the. hell. like what. whattt

also it's just been. a weird day. my first class was crossfit and it was exhausting, nearly threw up (tasted it in the back of my throat 😭😭). i hate crossfit. i have exercise induced asthma which sounds like a copout but i got diagnosed by my doctor and she really doesn't want me exerting myself too much. i literally can't breathe and my heart starts to sting. it sucks because i like exercise and i'm pretty decent at most exercises. anyway my classmate nearly passed out as well, most of us did so i'm glad i wasn't the only one. i was honestly one of the luckier ones.

then my post earlier: this girl who i guess i should call a friend will not shut up. and she's so belligerent, i can't get over it. she constantly interrupts people and derails the conversation. she only ever talks about boys and i've tried talking to her about it but she won't even take the time out of her day to try and listen. just deflects the whole time. she's rude to my other friend and just a jerk in general. i'm supposed to like her so i respect her and tolerate her i guess but she's a real bother. i think the other girls feel the same and i know my best friend does so i'm not alone. i shouldn't conspire against her so i don't really bring it up, it's just a personal distaste.

and finally. i can get this last part out here, which is what i really want. it finally happened: the boy i've been ranting about on here FINALLY told me he liked me. FINALLY. i always knew it. and idk. it's eh. i don't think i feel the same. but for context we've known each other for about 3 years. he NEVER talks to anyone and doesn't really speak much english even though he's lived in this very english city for as long as i've known him. he can say a few things but that's about it. i really don't know his english level because he sort of just nods and goes, "eh?" every so often. sometimes he goes, "so, so". he speaks japanese and finds it really hilarious when he teaches me a new word and i try to mimic him. anyway.

so we were in the great hall with my best friend and he pulls me aside - he says, "[mizu], can i talk with you?" i said, "yes", knowing exactly where this was going. he said "i like you" i said "i know" and was like "it's ok! we're friends, we can be friends". so he asked for my number and i gave it to him. bless his heart his hands were shaking and he was trembling so hard 😭😭😭💖 i told him it was ok. i honestly don't know how he feels about this or if he even understood what i said. we said bye and whatever.

idk i don't feel the same way. and even if i did i just couldn't do it. our conversations are entirely one sided, he makes facial expressions while i talk. i don't really know this boy. another concern is that both i and my parents want me to improve my financial standing even more and i just don't think we're on the same level unfortunately - i know that seems incredibly self centered but it's important to me.

also i just. i hang out with him because he's all alone. i've known since we met that he liked me. i've ALWAYS known this. i've always tried to befriend the loners and it always works. i try to make them feel comfortable and unfortunately this happens sometimes. i don't know. maybe i was leading him on. i think it's great that he was brave and honest though, i appreciate it. i think he's a nice person.

but it's so awkward. how do i proceed with this? he texted me "hey", i said "hiya, i admire your bravery yada yada yada" i didn't say exactly that but he hasn't responded. will he be at school tomorrow? will he skip? will we sit at the same table? will we wave at each other in the hallway like we always do? what will happen? will we giggle at my terrible japanese pronunciation? i don't know. i don't really want to. i don't really feel remorseful because i've done no wrong, i just feel awkward.

[slashstreet]

My mom isnt answer the phone and she left without saying anything. im worried. she isnt one to not pick up calls from us.

[venus_of_the_sky]

I had two exams today. One I hope I did decent in but the other I failed. Not too worried about the failed one though because I am given two attempts to retake it. I had conflicts with friends regarding schoolwork but its getting better now. School is almost over so most I probably will talk to them about are hobbies and what we will do over the summer.

I am reconnecting with someone I use to be very close to. Right now, we are in a stance of being comfy around each other. We usually fight a ton but the past couple of days have been calm. I hope this keeps up and we are able to spend time with each other without negative feelings and hurt.

Personally, I am feeling exhausted. I feel so burnt out, from all the school work, activities, clubs, volunteer, and personal hobbies are keeping me busy. I really like logging into here and just participating in a bunch of forum games. Wished I had more time to just play games and do art.