TheComfortCorner | V.9

[chickiro.]

.

[useless witch]

Yeah, I messed up. I get it. I messed up really bad. It might've not been confrontation to YOU but it was to me. He was staring me down. He was very stern about the fact I didn't give him enough money even if I did. I'm sorry I failed. I'm sorry I'm stupid. I'm sorry I panicked and didn't turn to you. I'm sorry I didn't do anything right.

You kept going and going, I cried about it, you didn't care, you kept going, I get it, but that didn't matter to you. I know I'm out of money I could've used. I know that.

You still didn't need to attack me for it...

[♥ vibrissae]

i'm just kinda frustrated about something that happened an insanely long time ago.

so i've gotten back into collecting ponies and i can't find a luna toy anywhere. but you know what?? i used to have one. i had the beautiful glittery one and she was my absolute favourite when i was like 9. but my friend pressured me into trading her to her and didn't even complete her end of the bargain. so i got her back somehow, right? but then, like half a week later, my mom accidentally threw her out. i'm not mad since it was an accident, but. it's just that she's so rare now and it's very difficult to find her for less than $50.

it's just so sad for me to think that childhood me's favourite toy is probably in pieces in some landfill when she could be sitting in one of my displays :( she was so pretty and i miss her so much. idk why i thought of it since it's such a small thing but it does make me sad

[chickiro.]

.

[ander]

I finally got a job and that's a huge step for me
I've been doing fine I suppose... The job gets done and I try to do well

Well everyone treats me like a child and asks my work partner for everything.
She doesn't even show up half the time! I'm running things and they want to treat me like I'm invisible!
I /know/ I'm lacking in social skills but wow it really stings.
I've always been invisible and thought, surely I can't be invisible here? But I was wrong.
I swear I'm trying I really am.
It would help if I got actual training before I was thrown in and left to fend for myself :)))

I'm just so lost in life. I thought this was right but I was wrong and I should've known I would be wrong.

[Neeko nordestina]

We agreed we won't do anything about the feelings and just enjoy life as besties who love eachother, but it does feel weird to ignore mutual romantic feelings
But I do love my bf as well and he loves me and I don't think the 3 of us would work well as a trouple
I wish we would tho

[.destiny]

these past few days have been abysmal, to say the least. i've been unable to cope with a lot of past trauma that has happened in the past three years and yet these feelings have been with me for so long that this is nothing new. i came to the realization a little while ago that i haven't let anything go from my past and i feel unable to do so. i had dreams and goals that i wanted to achieve but only feel like distant ideas of my former self. i feel like a broken person beyond repair and i have no means of wanting to continue because i don't know why i'm here or what i'm going to do. i don't have a purpose and i'm not able to focus on what i have now because i have nothing. it feels like everything about myself was taken away from me or at least built around someone that was in my life who hurt me immensely.

sometimes, all i want to ask is what i could've done differently. what could've been different to change whatever outcome. i feel like a product of trauma and it's difficult to keep waking up in the morning feeling so dreadful.
nothing has changed in so long. it continues to feel so agonizing and i hate it. but i don't know what to do to change any of it.
for myself, i don't believe in closure. at this point in time, it is not worth it. but, a lot of the time i wish i could tell the people who have hurt me what i feel. the feelings and memories that have not left me ever since they hurt me. if the people who have hurt me were able to feel the things that i do, even if it's only for a second, i'd be so happy.

i wish i could move on from everything but, i can't. it's extremely difficult. i don't know how to get closure because i feel like i would still want more. i don't want to listen to people justify their reasoning for hurting me. the simple fact of the matter is that my existence was enough for me to be hurt. everyone is able to move on and i feel like i've been left behind to deal with everything. people get to move on, making the experience just a learning lesson to not do it again. it's not fair. it's not fair that someone sees it as a learning lesson while it is trauma for me. it's just not fair.

[Siberia,]

if you see this and you are who i think you are, no this isn't about you.

im feeling so empty. i feel like nobody cares about me anymore. i cant stand the way they all just.. ruined everything i'd worked for over a couple years like that. all that progress made with my family members, gone. worthless. for nothing.

nobody wants me until i'm useful. until im needed. i cant stand it and i cant take it anymore. i want to disappear. i want to never come back. i want to never speak to any of them again. im so tired of people refusing to understand how i feel. im exhausted, im eyond heartbroken, i can hardly feel anything except apathy, depression and anger anymore. nothing feels worth it anymore.

i want to nap for a really long time undisturbed and hope that maybe, jsut maybe, people would have misssed me enough and welcome me back and cherish me. be kind to me. let me be vulnerable. let me be needy. but that'll never hpapen because im just not worth it <3 who cares if i disappear. who cares if im gone. nobody would ever miss me.

to cclarify im definitely not thinking uh, non-child firnendly thoughts about my life. i just want someone to care about me enough to miss me when im jot around. im so sick of having to start every conversations, comfort every person in my life, and having to sweep my own feelings under the rug.

i want someone to hold me and let me cry it all out. by gd am i desperate for sosmeone to care aboout em.

[mcr]

it's in the past but i'm starting to think that it isn't
i will never be good enough it always comes back to that doesn't it
everyone will hate me at one point everyone everyone everyone everyone EVERYONE

[Akitaboyo]

I lost my best friend two years ago, she was the person who saved my life. She's the first and so far only person ive ever met who was genuinely interested in me and my interests, we shared everything. She saved my life and i protected her from the terrible people around us the best i could.

I will never forget how we hugged after school and broke down in my arms asking me "why are people so terrible to us just because we're your friends, how can people be so evil?" Ive been bullied my entire life for being fat and being outed as gay in a conservative school, and for me to have a real friend for the first time and see how people get hurt just by existing near me... terrifying.

Everyone I care for and who cares for me, they have to suffer because I exist. And thats simply not fair for them.
I crave love but it feels so selfish when loving me means living under constant attacks.

I'll also never forget that when my best friend was in the ICU, probably the worst person ive ever met threatened to "ruin our lives so much that we'd rather die".

To say i was furious would be the understatement of the century, my best friend found out and wanted to face time me. We called and i told her to not worry, that everything was going to be ok and id handle it. She let me know that the doctors said she was stabilizing enough to be let out of the ICU the next morning. She sounded so excited and happy. And rightfully so, her birthday was in two days, that meant we'd be able to hang out for her birthday, even if its just in the hospital.

I asked her what she wanted to do as soon as she got out of the hospital
"As soon as I get out of here i want to actually eat and drink something" (she had been on IV for her entire stay)

It was 8pm when we talked, she was getting sleepy. "Well I better start saying goodbye, I'll never understand why people would ever be so empty to torture you so much, you dont deserve it, never have never will. Why cant people just be happy instead of ruining other's lives? Anyways, thanks for talking to me."
I answered "good night! We'll see each other tomorrow!"
but she didnt reply to that.
she just said "good night, i love you"

the next morning i woke up to my parents telling me in the kitchen that she had passed away in her sleep, painlessly stopped breathing. 4 hours after we talked. I was the last person she talked to, last person who saw her.
she was so young and innocent and pure, it felt as if she was my little sister. Someone i needed to take care of.

I probably still blame myself, telling myself there was something i couldve done to prevent her death. for the two years i knew her, she showed so many symptoms of illness but we somehow never thought it was something so serious as a congenital heart deformity.
Not even her parents knew until it was too late and she was admitted into the ICU.

My depression had gone away when we were friends. I felt true happiness for the first time ever, and it barely lasted. I had my entire life solved knowing she was my friend

it scares me to think that she was probably my soulmate, and i will never find someone like that again. now everything feels empty, my friends are my friends but compared to her? nothing could ever compare to her. I seriously think i will never know love like hers again. to say that the love of your life was platonic and forever gone, to not even think youll find romantic love and even if you did it wouldnt compare. its a devastating realization. my life was never easy, and the future looks grim.

i still miss her so much, i dont think ill ever get over her death. Ive become a worse person after her death. I just wish i had a way of still talking to her, even just a minute every year. I wonder what she would think of who ive become, or if shed be disappointed, fearful or disgusted and the bitter and angry person ive become.

i love you